Make A Trollpasta But Instead of Using One Word To Make a Story We Make A Trollpasta With One Sentence Per Edit, Six SPOOKY Numbers

The LOLPasta
I was an intern at Mcdonalds City, USA. This was back before Ronald started using...the method. Back when Grimace was still a four-armed, villainous, bastard son of a bitch. Evil, but still with free will. Before he was nerfed into the ground. So pretty much one fuckin day I was working the cashier at good ol- Mcdonalds, the part where everything went wrong was when a man with a black hoodie on came up to the register. He ordered a Fillet o' Fish meal with Bacon from the secret menu, got it and then left a letter marked "Future" on the front. The black-hooded man put the Filet o' Fish meal in his hoodie pocket and was about to walk out of the Mcdonalds until a loud screeching noise was heard. I ran thru the storage room door, actually a portal to that fucked up acid trip called "McDonaldland", and found Ronald, dressed like MacArthur, laughing like a god damn demon at some battle plans he was looking over.

I asked Ronald why the fuck he was in our storage room and he replied with "Because that God damn guy with the black hoodie was a spy", I asked him a spy for what and he replied by saying "He's a spy fo-", he stopped mid-sentence. Ronald turned grayscale with bloody eyes crying red tears that looked like BLOOD. He finished his sentence. “...for Chick-fil-A." After Ronald said this, he dropped dead to the ground, there was only one thing I had in my mind, and that was to get revenge on Chick-fil-A for causing Ronald's death. but first thing was first. By the terms of the blood pact we signed, my sorry ass had to become the new Ronald. So I was now the new CEO of McDonalds City, I looked around McDonalds City for a good while until I headed over to Ronald's old office to check out a few things. Searching the desk draws, I found out a lot of shit. But PLOT TWIST IT WAS SHITBURGERS, WAIT WHAT??!!!! I found them but then Ronald came in he killed me and touched my balls I got dunked on. I then woke up in a Chick-fil-A parking lot, i was ready to kick some ass.

I did this by sneaking in and fucking with all of their calendars, making everyone think they were working on Sunday. That way, they'd fucking kill themselves. After this, I managed to sneak into the kitchen area of the building and decided to disrupt some stuff to make the Chick-Fil-A company shutdown for the rest of mankind. After this, I returned to McDonaldland. I was going to settle the god damned score with The Then Evil Grimace. I went to the McDonaldland prison center and went up to Grimace's holding cell, he looked at me for a few short moments behind the metal bars, he then spoke to me, "So, Ronald's dead now huh?"

Meanwhile, in the car park, the Chick-Fil-A army gathered, headed by Wa-Uncle Ben and the Wa-Flying Spook. They were hecking angry, as their company had been spanked beyond reality, and they were ready to turn me into a corpse-like carcass. While me and Grimace were talking we could hear the marching of Wa-Uncle Ben's army ramming the gates of McDonaldland, with no time to lose we had to cut our conversation short, however, before I left the prison center I unlocked the door to Grimace's holding cell and said to him "You know what to do next", he then nodded at me and I left the prison center.

He brushed his teeth and started to know two of his own fucking arms off. I bolted outside to see that Wa-Uncle Ben and Wa-Flying Spook were both standing on a podium in the middle of McDonaldland with an entire fucking army of angry Chick-Fil-A employees. All the employees were armed with AR15s and frag grenades. I thought I was as dead as a dead person, but suddenly, out of nothingness, someone appeared and kicked Wa-Uncle Ben with all three of their legs. BILLY MAYS!!! I was saved! Or was I? I dunno. Billy Mays turned to me and said: "So, you thought you could just leave me and the boys behind back in hell in the last story?" he then picked up an AR15 and pointed it at me. Suddenly, the entire fuckin army of McDonald Land, the Navy the Marines, the Mixed-Gender Scouts, the fuckin Coast Guard, all came down on their asses in a huge, fucking tsunami of testosterone.

They raised their guns at the army of angry Chick-Fil-A employees and at Billy Mays, all fuckin hell was about to break loose in the once fun and happy McDonaldLand. I then ran into the store to see a zombified Ronald McDonald snorting heavy amounts of cocaine. “You ARE alive!” I said in joy. He then proceeded to kill me to death because he was zombified, like the rest of the Chick-Fil-A army. Or at least, I thought I died, but as it would turn out, I was actually hallucinating due to all the substances I just took.

Outside, the scenes were chaotic: bullets and gorillas were flying everywhere and ketchup staining the ground. The Scouts had managed to take down Wa-Uncle Ben’s division but the Coastguard and Navy Marines were scattered. Billy Mays was nowhere to be seen. There was no point calling for Grimace now. The stupid, purple shit was completely fucking useless now. I could tell the evil shit was outta there, Luckily, I had the best fucking weapon on earth. Drugs, biatch! I took some more substances and decided to book it out of McDonaldLand, this place was beyond saving, just before I was going to hop over the now destroyed gate of McDonaldLand, Someone or maybe even something ran towards me and knocked me out. I woke up in a Cryotube, with the Hamburglar looking at me like he wanted to fuck me.

“He is awake” said the Hamburglar, as Billy Mays emerged from behind him. They had planned this all along. Gunfire and loud explosions could be heard above, the Hamburglar said to Billy Mays, "Heh, must be a God damn warzone up there", it appeared as if I was in an underground part of McDoanldLand. “Grimace is dead, they stand no chance against the Chick-Fil-A army, especially when accompanied by Chuck E Cheese.” Chuck E Cheese! I should have known! The most evil of evil things that are evil! “Why are you doing this?” I asked like a hecking four-year-old. “Because revenge.” Replied Billy Mays. He then proceeded to go away as the Hamburgler took out his pickle and raKed me. This was my chance: I grabbed some scissors and cut my dick off. The Hamburglar collapsed to the ground in complete and utter shock, because Billy Mays was not in the room, this was my time to escape.

I barged through the nearest door and up a flight of stairs, only to be greeted by the Wa-Flying Spook armed with an AR15 and a Nando’s Peri-Peri blaster. We stared at each other for a few short moments, I thought I was for sure dead as meat, until Wa-Flying-Spook said: "Look, we can kill each other later, but if we don't work together now that crazy fuck Billy Mays is going to kill us both". We went outside where both armies had been broken down to almost nothing; the only things that remained were a few Chick-Fil-A and McDonald’s employees, Chuck E Cheese towering over them. Bodies were scattered everywhere, a soldier of the Chick-Fil-A army ran up to Wa-Flying-Spook and said "Commander! it appears as if Wa-Uncle-Ben has escaped this hellhole and called in an air raid", with nowhere else to go for safety, me, Wa-Flying-Spook and the last few remaining Chick-Fil-A and McDonald's soldiers rushed back into the underground part of McDonaldLand.

Planes then descended from the sky. Chuck E Cheese was greeted with missiles, most of which he was able to turn back onto the planes. Us being underground, we could hear the missiles exploding from above, despite us being safe from the missiles we still had a problem, that being Billy Mays and the Hamburglar still being in this underground part of McDonaldLand. We decided to search for Mays and the Hamburglar when we found ourselves being chased by Chuck E Cheese who had made his way underground. Then a VHS tape appeared with something SCARY on it. I picked the VHS tape up and smashed it into the wall because we got no time for SCARY VHS tapes, and we also managed to get that Chuck E Cheese rat off our tail for a while.

We entered a large room where we were greeted by Billy Mays and a demonic-looking Hamburglar, in front of them was a Nuke. Oh frick. Oh heck. Billy Mays shot the Hamburglar (because even he couldn’t tolerate his ugliness anymore) and activated the countdown for the McNuke. He then retreated to his invincible heavily-armed gorillacopter and flew away whilst Chuck E Cheese burst into the room. I knew I had to save my once-cheerful land, so I pulled out MORE drugs and shoved them into the wound where my dick once resided, as I would need the effects to disarm the McNuke before it was too late. Unfortunately, because I'm a mental fuck up, the drugs were LSD, weed and Bath salts. Guess I should have checked. How long HAD I been in Cryo anyway?

Despite this, I continued to try and disarm the nuke, only 5 minutes were remaining on the countdown timer until everything in McDonaldLand would go boom. I then cut the entire circuit board out with my test and made love to it in a double bed between polyester sheets. Or at least, I thought I did, but as it would turn out, I was actually hallucinating due to all the substances I just took... again. However, the sober Wa-Flying Spook managed to reprogram the Nuke so it would fly into Chuck E Cheese, send him into the atmosphere and then blow him into next week. And it did.

But wait. If I was tripping balls, then what the hell was I actually fucking? The answer may disturb you. It was something so scary that you might be forever traumatized if you continue reading. The VHS Tape from earlier was seeping with blood and a “mysterious” white fluid. It then flew into a nearby tape player and transformed into a giant mech which the Wa-Flying Spook then mounted. “It’s been nice knowing you.” he cried. We said our final goodbyes and I looked away trying to hold back tears, BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN, a fucking rocket hit the mech that Wa-Flying spook was on and a large cloud of smoke and dust filled the room, the rocket came from Billy May's gorillacopter which was flying above.

“HECK YOU!” screamed Billy Mays. He proceeded to shoot explosive fries at us. To make a long story short, I had a hot-ass 4 way with Mays' wife as well as Gábor Csupó and Arlene Klasky. This will be important later, so take note. Anyway, in order to defeat the remainder of our country's enemies, I, New-Ronald, used a pagan ritual to summon Shrek. The ritual was successful and Shrek proceeded to wreak havoc over McDonald's City I proceeded to climb out of the once destroyed room that held the McNuke and things in McDoanldLand was not looking too good, at this point, almost everything was now unrecognizable due to all of the war and destruction that took place.

I was about to get out my duster when I was approached by Billy Mays. “Just because you were with my wife then you thought I wouldn’t kill you later on.” He lifted his Heinz pistol. He aimed it right at my forehead, he said: "Well well, time to die you parasite of this world", I accepted my fate and clenched my fists, Billy Mays then fell to the ground with Grimace behind him. Horay, Grimace was alive! Or at least it was zombified Grimace; Anyway, zombified Grimace mounted his horse and rode into the golden sun setting in the distance.

The End.

BUTT NO:

Apparently, when I climbed out of the hole Billy Mays had drugged me, and Grimace killing Billy Mays was all a hallucination, so I was still being held at gunpoint by Billy Mays. The purple bitch was hiding in a 666 Billion Dollar doomsday bunker with Birdie. Just when it looked like I was about to get a cap in my ass, Gábor Csupó and Arlene Klasky came and beat the shit out of Mays. When they saw this, the remaining troops pissed their pants and surrendered to the glory of the McDonaldLand empire.

Suddenly, a helicopter with the Chick-Fil-A logo on it landed on the battlefield, Wa-Uncle-Ben came rushing out of it and stared me dead in the eye for a good few moments. He then shot me, killing me to death. Or at least, I thought I died, but as it would turn out, I was repeating this joke unfunnily. So in reality, he slowly walked up to me and said: "Well, you have defeated us, we are willing to join the McDonaldLand empire, however, we still have a problem at hand." It turns out Gábor and Arlene were actually beating up Billy Mays’ clone, and Billy Mays had escaped! That’s when Billy Mays’ clone grabbed onto his Heinz pistol and shot Gábor, Arlene and Wa-Uncle Ben to deadness. “Don’t you get it?” cried Billy Mays’ clone. “He’s always been there! Since the very beginning! Billy Mays is Mizuryryn!!!”

I looked at Wa-Uncle-Ben's rotting corpse and suddenly it got up! at first, I thought I was hallucinating due to all of the McDonald french fries I ate, but it was real! Of course: he was a Zombified member of the Chick-Fil-A army; He wrapped his hands around my throat, whilst the Clone approached me with his pistol. The clone yelled out "Listen here you God damn Zombified Chick-filian bastard! let that little shit Ronald McDonald fuck-face go and you get to live!” Why did he want to save me? Just so he could kill me instead? All of these thoughts ran through my head as I saw a Barbecue-Sauce flavoured bullet penetrate Wa-Uncle Ben’s skull. He died and proved to the world that he was, quite literally, a shit head. I then used satanic sorcery to bring Klasky and Csupó back to life. They were so grateful they promised to rebuild McDonaldland in their divine fucking imagine. they also promised me a shit ton of hookers and blow and my own funky ass penthouse.

Meanwhile, the clone approached me and pulled out a fucking large piece of stainless steel metal from his back pocket. It was time to use “the method.” I did a quadruple backflip and landed on the clone’s face, breaking his neck, and then I took a steamy dump in his mouth. The Clone was now dead, however, another clone then approached me with the same fucking piece of large stainless steel metal from their back pocket. I was about to use “the method” again when I realised there were about 50 clones approaching me with stainless steel. I then fainted due to blood loss from my pubic wound, before I was stabbed 690 times by the Billy Mays clones; that was until Grimace showed up in a fucking McDonaldmobile and ran everybody over, including me.

I was now dead, you might be wondering how I am writing this if I became skeleton, well, Grimace got out of his McDonaldmobile and rushed my lifeless body over to the local McDonaldLand MedicalBay which was once used to treat wounded McDonaldLand soldiers. They then added extra salt and turned me, physically, into Ronald McDonald: I was now fully Ronald, and ready to pursue Billy Mays, but I still had one final problem to deal with beforehand. Shrek was still throwing his green, ogre ass into every fucking building visible. I got some onions from storage and said I'd pay him in them if he agreed to fly me to where Billy was hiding. The green fuckwit agreed and we and our army began searching.

We were searching for Billy Mays for hours on end, just when we were all about to give up, we finally found a clue about his whereabouts. That clue was a rock engraved with Billy's name and coordinates belonging to Tehran, Iran. We then attempted to contact the McDonaldLand empire outpost that was located in Iran via smoke signals, but after hours of waiting, we got no response. We then traveled to Tehran to see a gaint Billy Mays holding a RDS-220 hydrogen bomb in his big, meaty hands. Yeah, i pissed myself at that moment. We knew what had to be done. We had to get him to shove the bomb up his ass. But how?

Well, I was given a grappling hook by one of the McDonaldLand empire council advisors and he said: "You gotta be attached to his ass to put the bomb inside him, and the grappling hook is the only option we have.” So I shot the grappling hook into Billy May’s anus, swung upwards and grabbed the bomb. I then shoved it where the sun don’t shine and waited for it to explode - but it didn’t: Billy Mays had extracted the electric current and used it to ｅｘｐａｎｄ　ｄｏｎｇ. I turned to the Council advisor, the Assistant Council advisor, the Deputy to the Assistant Council advisor and the higher and lower secretaries to the Deputy of the Assistant Council advisor and I asked the bureaucratic shitheads: ''What the fuck now?" Their reply: "Curve the dong. He must  literally fuck himself." "But sir, he isn't married!" "It's either this or us getting an RDS-220 hydrogen bomb thrown at us and all hell breaking loose!" "Fine, let him fuck himself, you sinners!"

I took the experimental, black and white viagra in my hand and proceeded to scale towards Billy Mays' Taint again. I'll never forget the feeling of absolute fucking fear, as I thought about what the regulars on my Xtian Minecraft server would say about this. At this point, Billy Mays had finally started to notice me trying to mess with his ｄｏｎｇ. But it was no use. I had already reached the end of the foreskin. I glared up at him and shouted: "Barry Scott says "Happy Birthday", you little shit!" And rammed the pills into his dick hole. He screamed like a tiger being kicked in the ballsack. The shaft didn't curve. It arched. Buckled into a hexagon and headed towards his ass. Inside of his ass, it squirmed around and changed shape. It turned into a key that unlocked the bomb. Suddenly there was BIG BANNG and Billy Mays was ded I woke up in hospital a week later, surrounded by my friends. Grimace, Birdie, Hamburgerler, the Fry Eating Bushes, The McNuggets and Mayor MacCheese along with all those other cunts.

I asked them "What the hell happened? is Billy Mays dead? Hamburglar? I thought you fucking died". It turns out it was the Wa-Hamgurglar, and the giant Billy Mays was another fucking clone. The one true Billy Mays was in the next story! I then received an award for my Heroism in the McDonaldland War. I then spent the next two weeks in the hospital recovering from the BIG BANG, after I returned back to good health, I was flown back to McDonaldLand to find out it was starting to be rebuilt. Klasky Csupo had kept their promise and now, McDonald's City had been turned into a wacked out, balls tripping, cartoon city of...the late 90s. So much better than that HR Puffnstuff shit we had before. I then found out that I had just been appointed to the supreme leader of the McDonaldLand empire by the supreme McDonaldLand empire council and that a peace treaty between us and the Chick-filian empire had been signed.

As part of our deal, Klasky Csupo had built me a huge ass Pee Wee style Play-Mansion in the middle of the city. They even threw in a talking, cynical dog with fucking clown makeup. I named him Sundae. A few days later, while I was hooking up a video phone, I received a letter from a dying veteran of the war. The veteran's name was John Rambo. Some motherfucker had drained all of the blood out of his head and he knew he was going to hell. His dying wish was for me, Supreme Leader of the empire, to take care of his hot ass wife and his young, 12-year-old daughter, Tika. Not become her dad or any shit like that, just keep an eye on em. I gladly accepted the offer, I now had a wife and ki- I mean, people I've just taken under my wing and will be keeping an eye on for a while.

Things were good, and as I sat at home, thinking about stuff, '''A SPOKY SKELETOON POPPES OUTE!!1!11!!!!1!1!!1! '''I was like, "Holy shit, that's kinda scary", after this I then felt a sudden pain in my chest, I had a stroke... I slowly opened my eyes to see nothing but the color white around me. Fgloating just in front of my face was a piece of paper that read as a header: "VHS Deal." I stood up and walked towards the paper when I was suddenly greeted by the Wa-Flying Spook. “How could you just leave me to do death?!” His face then melted to reveal the face of Billy Mays laughing at me. I then awoke with the skeleton in bed with me. It said: "Hi there, I'm a representative for Klasky Csupo. To cut to the chase, they want to make a VHS based cartoon series staring you and based on your life. It's within the fine print of the deal they made to rebuild McDonaldLand after the war. You agree to allow their camera crews to secretly follow you around + make your life suitable for ages 4 and up and you and your friends will be compensated in full."

I then shouted "What the fuck? I didn't sign up for this, and where hell even am I?", the skeleton responded with "Well, Mr. Ronald, you're in purgatory, almost every protagonist has been here at some point in their story". I asked "So, the only way I can leave this shithole is to sign the contract?" The skeleton nodded and held out a pen for me full of my own fucking blood. My heart sank, as I took the pen and put it to the paper. I had no choice, I signed the sheet and it disappeared in a cloud of red smoke. I left purgatory knowing that my life was now a pre-programed, manufactured hell. Before long they would force my ass to become a life-long member of that pussy-ass cult of no cussing cringe. So much for Hookers and Blow.

After this, I left my house to go into McDonaldLand, however, things weren't right, everything appeared to be frozen in time, the only thing that was moving was a small white ball floating in the air located in the very middle of McDonaldLand. I then proceeded to touch the white ball.

I then awoke in another pure white room of nothingness, "What the flapdoodle? why am I already back in purgatory?" I said to myself, I then turned my head to my left and I saw a figure in the distance, the figure slowly walked towards me and as it got closer I then realized it was none other than... NedWolfkin himself. To make a long story short, he punched me in the balls for contributing to childhood obesity and sent me home. However, he will be important in a later story, so take note of these events.

I knew that there was only six days left before he would protect this story, so I decided to act fast: I didn't want to be caught up in this stupid gosh dang flappindoodlein contract where I couldn't say any no-no words for the rest of time, I wanted to get this contract reversed somehow before doomsday falls upon my story so I could say all the words I wanted to. Firstly, backflipped off the top of a fucking skyscraper to return to purgatory. I then awoke on the stone-cold ground in purgatory once again, I got up and saw that damn skeleton from earlier, once the skeleton noticed me it said: "What the fuck? you were supposed to be back here in 6 days, not a few hours!" I used the Method on him and screamed in his face to un-sign the contract. But because he's a fucking little bitch he refused.

So, that leads us to the present. Here I am, Officially Ronald McDonald, supreme-fuckin-leader of the entire fast-food empire, looking after a typical late 90s pre-teen, helping my subjects/friends with their lil problems, living in a late 90s Pee Wee's goddamn Playhouse with the world's most cynical dog, forced to accept whatever "Wacky Adventures" come my way for the monetary gains of the studio behind Rugrats and The Wild Thornberries. My friends all got Klasky Csupo makeovers too, except for Grimace, they just made his ass even dumber. Gotta say though, there are some pretty fuckin' good benefits to being nice to people and magical and whimsical and all that shit. Weirdly enough, I'm actually...lovin' it. Like, really lovin' it. It feels...right for me, somehow...

The End

PS, have to go up to the second floor now, I think Sundae is watching old B-Movies again.