NEDXXX NITPICKS

Uploader's Note: This is not a real nitpick. The story contained herein was made up for the sake of writing this page.

In-universe this story was written by Mary Sue Perfectpants, a fictional character who was created to mock bad Jeff the Killer knock-offs and their creators. The "Nitpicker" of this story is NEDXXX, a parody of me. The basis of the story is that it is an exaggeration of my nitpicks and what people seem to think they are.

Also in-universe the entire story being "nitpicked" was written in a wall of text because why not?

Happy Halloween... IF YOU DARE
Great title there, Mary! That doesn't even make any sense. What the fuck is wrong with you? Why did your handlers let you give your story a trainwreck for a name!

i woke hearing the sound of mommys voice

Probably screaming at you for some stupid shit you did before going to bed!

mary she said it is time to get up so i got out of bed and i looked around the house and saw no 1 was hoem

Ooh! Spooky! Let me guess you go absolutely nowhere with this.

the rest of the day was a halloween day like every other halloween day

You shit your pants and screeched about how much you want to marry Jeff the Killer? Also, called it. Doubt we hear from that "voice" again.

and i was preparing to go tricker treating

It's TRICK OR TREATING, Dipshit! Oh my God you're such a fuckingretard! By preparing you probably mean you were lying still while your handlers put a fucking diaper on you so you wouldn't stain your Elsa from Frozen costume with brown poo!

my mom came in the.

Came in the what? Finish your goddamn sentence you asswipe! Oh, I got a similar idea: the strange man came in your mom after giving her a dollar!

ok mary it is almost time to go trickertreating my mom said

Because Mary's a fucking retard she doesn't know how to use quotation marks or punctuation. Holy shit! I'm an angry bastard who abuses assholes and little kids for not knowing any better! I must be stopped!

but mom i dont want 2 go trickertreeting.

And I don't want to read any more of your shit, Mary Sue Shitpants but I have to because you thought that by spamming the CPW with your shit you were going to become a big author. Now it is my job to redeem your garbage by sperging about shit you wrote years ago!

'''i want 2 go 2 the abandind house in teh woods! i said.'''

Oh believe me, Mary. Your mom wants you to go in the "abandind" (sic) woods and get eaten by a fucking lion who is on a special diet of pants shitting retards! Also, go to the house and do what? Trespass? Record videos of yourself? Who the fuck knows. I bet dumbshit here doesn't!

'''marry we ben over this. them other kids went missing after going 2 that house'''

Which is why you should let her go, Shittymom! Let that fucking bitch die!

your 10 yars old stop mouthing off and put your costum on or i will tell daddy on u

Let me guess Cartoonishlyabusivedad?

'''mary was scared because daddy was very mean 2 her. 1 time she askt daddy 4 a new computer that was only ayt hundrid dollers BUT HE SAID IT WAS 2 EXPIT COST 2 MUCH!'''

Holy fuck! She's so stupid she doesn't know how to spell expensive. She's also a dumbass because she apparently forgot to erase the first three letters of "expensive", which I assume she merely guessed correctly and God felt like being nice to her since he did, after all, curse her with severe retardation and parents with no skills to raise a mentally challenged brat.

an dis 1 time marry play ball in the house an a the ball knock over a tv marys dad grabs her by the arm an yells at her while whippiong her

Wow, a shift in person perspective and tense! Also, you know what, Mary. Give up on life. Your stories fucking suck, you're a bitch, God hates you, you're the reason aliens refuse to visit this planet, fuck you!

an dis 1 time when

I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOUR ABUSE! GET ON WITH THE FUCKING STORY BEFORE I NOMINATE YOU FOR SHITHEAD OF THE YEAR!

mary punch mummy hwile she pregnint an daddy slap her on mouth for it poor mary she did no did nothing wrong

Looks like daddy beat Mary over the head and now she's too retarded to know how to fucking spell correctly. Fuck's sake, read your shit before you post it, asswipe!

and dis other time

You know what, fuck it, I'm skipping her "Daddy beat my ass beacuse I acted lke a fuck head" bullshit and I'm not wasting my time commenting on it. If you want to know why he beat the shit out of her, it was because carved "SLENDER MAN WAS HERE" or as she spells it "Slendrman wuz here" on her father's car with a fucking screw driver! Moving on...

mommy help me put on my costume

Too bad she didn't help you write this story! Or maybe she did and she's a total retard too which would explain why you spell the way you do. Oh yeah, and I'm going to give you five seconds to guess her "totally cool" costume.

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i put on my cat ears and my hoodie and put fake blood on my face and i grabbed my fake nife and i wore boots with purple and black stripe long socks

STOCKINGS, DIPSHIT! And you mean your tard guard put them on for you!

i looked pritty bad ass

More like you looked like ass! Stupid costume by the way.

every1 who sees me is afraid of my cool costume mary says my friend jack thanks jack i say

Where the fuck did these assholes come from? Did they just materialize out of thin air?

ok guys its time 2 go trickert treeting

Oh, so now it's "trickert treeting".

mum said ok i said then and then we grabbed are spooky tricktraeting bags an we go outside and begin trickertreating

Ok, now march down to the fucking school and ask them to teach you English you illiterate cow!

b4 u guys go let me tell you something said mom dont go near the woods wehre those kids die and were with the abandind house but mom i   said y not because mary she said

Is anyone else in physical pain trying to read this shit? Didn't BitchMommy already explain to dumbass why she shouldn't go into the fucking woods? Oh wait, she did, Mary's just got a two second memory because she's brain damaged. And no, I'm not joking about two seconds, because that is what I'm assuming was the length between her putting on her lame costume and her friends materializing to take her trick or treating.

if and you kids you gi go in woods and you die

FUCKING LOL! Not only is the thought of Mary getting fucking gutted hilarious, but also that sentence. Holy shit!

ook mom me and frends say be4 we walk down road

Your friends call her mom too? I thought only you and that dude she's fucking behind your dad's back did that.

we walk down street and we pass woods lets go in there i said no jack says the leginds say that slendrmin lives in that wood and with jeff and rake and jane and masky and hoody and ben and jeff

I'm going to play a drinking game. Take a shot every time asshole here says "and". I'm sure the amount of drinks I take won't be anything compared to the amount of times his dad hit him with a beer bottle. Still, the number of shots I take will be higher than this crayon-eater's IQ.

cool we shood se 4 areselfs i said no way said timmy said but i am scared and if slendrman see us he kills us and or he turns me into a procksy

Can't even spell "proxy". Incredible! Also, nice to meet you timmy-with-no-capital-letters. Too bad Mary didn't feel like introducing you when you magically appeared IN HER FUCKING HOUSE. You and the rest of her pants shitting friends. It's Halloween so everyone assumes the brown chunks on the bottom of their pants is a smeared chocolate bar! But it's not! It's poop!

so we3 decide to go to woods where slenderman house is there it is in the middle of the opening a big house mansion that is all black and looks abandond suddnely jack screams and marey looks she sees slenderman the friends run away and bf good thing fortunitly that slender man dont fallow them

Of course not, even Slender Man wouldn't kidnap those shitheads. Fuck, even Michael Jackson wouldn't have an innapropriate sleep over with them! If Slender Man kills you it's probably for stinking up his forest.

i so scare i almost pee my in my pants

This should be funny to me, but the fact that Mary actually DOES pee her pants (and shits them too!) isn't funny. It's not funny how lacking in function and self awareness some people are.

what was that asked kimmy i doint no i said i think it was slennrman but slendrmyn is just storee he not is not real said alex but alex i said then who was it

Yeah Alex, WHO WAS IT?! It was probably your tard wranglers or a school bully dressed up like Slender Man to watch you shit your pants. Not that he has to scare you to do that!

i dont no mayb it just bird or cat

Not, in Magicalretardland cats and birds are ten foot tall, have white skin and no fur, and wear black suits.

no it was 2 big 2 bird or be cat

I imagine them standing on a sidewalk actually talking like this, while in the background we see functioning children going trick or treating.

but it had b slenrdman is mith he no does not no he no exist

Just like the grammar in this "story". Also long story short Mary and her tard friends babble for like two or three hours before this happens

we have 2 kill slendrman i say because he is evil

Literally, no reason at all! She just decided to kill him. At random. Just because he appeared to them in the woods.

ok jack says so we go at are homes and we gather weppins jack daddy is cop an sandra daddy works 4 guvermint so they hav top seekrit wepins of mass destruckshin

The grammar in this story is a weapon of mass destruction. Holy shit, give this to a terrorist group and they'll kill themselves because it'll drive them insane!

we had boms an guns an nifes and sords an nifes an sqwert guns an flaym frowers

Kind of excessive, but whatever. Kind of funny, the thought of children walking around town on Halloween night with fucking weapons! Funny, like you you fucking retard shitty author!

we go 2 back to the forist ware and it was forist with 8 pages on that game

That game was fun. Like making fun of you and your shitty stories, twat waffle!

suddinly out of noware rake jumps on jack ahhhh jack screams help me get him off i dont wunt 2 die pleez help jack scream and rake tear his hart out help he got my hart screams jack but no we dont help him becuz we scared if we tuch rake he hurts us next ahhh scream jack ahhhh he still and he is screaming now he has my eyes an rake eated his eyes we were so scared help him if you dare say rake if while he ate jakcs fase please save me jack scream as rake teerz out jack lungs jack scream as he bleedz 2 death

Has his actual fucking lugns ripped out. Is able to scream. Nice! You are a fucking idiot, Mary!

then finally after bleeding 2 owers jack die an we cry poor jack said alex why co i will kill rake 4 you and i will never forget you

The way Mary forgot how to spell like a funcitoning human being. Also he has these massive wounds and it takes two hours for him to die! You have no fucking concept of time like you have no fucking concept of how to write a fucking story.

oh no jack we will get rake and if rake and rake be sarry 4 this

I'm sorry for reading this!

we barry jack someware in woods an go on r kwest i get exitd becuz i reeliyz that jeff must liv in these forist sumware an i get 2 meet him i blush be cuz he is my kawaii crush

I bet, shitead!

we walk down forest an i see jane killer sitting on top of tree haha you walk in 2 my trap say jane she jumpt down 2 get us but she got a splinter in her finger an it causes her 2 die in 1 second

Because in Shittycreepypastaville you can survive having your lungs being torn out but be killed instantly by a splinter! In your finger! You know what, how about a splinter up your ass, retard!

jane dies good now i merry jeff an we can live happy wen i see him an we get marry an we hav kids but back 2 story

How about "back to school" where you can learn how to spell?

we walk in forest an i hear sownd sudinly jumps ben outof a boosh

Ben, who in your mind is probably an anime version of Link with bloody eye sockets.

oh no its ben drownd som1 pleez help us i scream then ben grabbed his nife an he is stabbing kimmy pleas stop i cry pleas but no he only laffs while he stabs

I'd laugh too if I was stabbing one dumbass to death and pissing off another.

'"'ben pleez you dont hav 2 do this just plez stop i say but he still no lissin he stabs and stabs haha your frend is dead'''

Like my braincells. Which in turn are like Mary's. Hmm, maybe she wrote this shit in an attempt to drain the IQ of everyone who reads it.

then kimmy die poor kimmy i cry we berry her

I have this question about the Rake too. Why is Ben just standing there letting you bury your friend?

we walk throw woods

Yes, we know you're walking through the woods. Quit fucking saying that, retard-o!

just then sumthing grabs me its jeff an he looks at me an we blush oh you r bootiful he says i blush harder thanks wann go out jeff asks ok i say

Fucking lame!

but mary saids my frend erik he killers is for slendmran an he mite kill u i dont care i say i love him i luv u 2 say jeff an we kiss an it was most romantic ever

I wonder. If Jeff were a real person, how would he feel about all these shitty stories written about him?

its ok i wont hert u or ur frends jeff promiss i no he tells trooth becuz we r lovers an he never lies to me

Real deep connection there, admiral shitnuts!

we need ur help jeff slendrman must bs stops but y jeff ask i say becuz he terrir he terr becuz he mean 2 peepol an he kill them

FUCKING LOL! She tried and failed TWICE at spelling "terrorized" and didn't even cover it up! I'm fucking dying! Send help!

so we wlk in woods

FUCK'S SAKE!

wiff jeff we hold hands we r so in luv evry now and agin we stop 22 kiss we so in love

This story is proof that the mentally handicapped are capable of feeling love... and posting shit on websites behind their handlers' backs.

here it is say jeff as he we stand in frunt of slendrmansion

Is this the same house you and your friends went to, WITHOUT ANY HELP, at the beginning of the story?

i no this place thos kids go in it an they die an no 1 no how kille them or who

The same person who killed your braincells, dipshit. That's who!

i no who kill them it wuz me slendrman sen me on mishun u see them kids heer about us and slendrman an rakey and ben and jaen an mask an

And every other member of the Crappypasta Cinematic Universe! Moving on...

an we and slender dont like peepol nowing we exist so wen peepol fiund owt we hav 2 kill them so they not tell any1

Why?

but jeff i no yu i say an i no u an i dont kill u guyz but becuz u and me we shood get marryd

You should get some English classes.

jeff gets on nees an hands me ring he say mary will u merry me yes jeff oh my god yes i scream as i cry

You met this guy two fucking minutes ago, asshole!

so we go in houws

"Yeah, I'll marry you. Let's go into this fucking house now!". No fucking common sense. Then again this coming from a pants shitting dumbass who accepts marriage proposals from literal murderers!

it wus bootful bit it creepy there was staricase welcum 2 hows says a voice oh no slendrman say jeff then door behind us blow shuts an we it is locked

Not that any of you tried to open it, you probably fucked around and imagined it was locked.

we expected u say slendrman now u die oh no i say an suddnly we surrowndid by all the creepypastas

Creepypasta isn't a genre, it refers to monsters apparently.

but we fite them off i kill slendrman with bow an arrow and jack kill rake with nife

Jack who died a few minutes ago?

an jeff kill ben an then all creepastas die we go hom jeff livs with me now an we r marryd an wen daddy is meen 2 me jeff kills him and teachs him lesson

What the fuck kind of ending is this? So you come home and go "Yo, mom! I got married to this murderer guy! He's moving in!"? What the Hell?

Scary facts
I don't know which joke to crack first so I'm going to crack both. What's a "scary fact" is that Mary was capable of typing this up. Another "scary fact" is that this shitty page exists. Notice how I don't call it a story either, because it literally isn't.

here r scary fakts that will keep u up tonite

The only thing keeping me up at night is trying to figure out what the fuck you're saying!

your dying

You're right, Mary. I'm dying. Every time I read some garbage you typed up I feel myself passing away. Fuck you, fuck your stories, and fuck Jeff just because you like him.

someware in the werld som1 is being kindnappt or murder

That's not really a scary fact, but ok.

when u sleep u eat spiders

That has been debunked.

u exist becuz ur parents have sex

That's not scary and only very few people find that disturbing.

there is no santa claus

Why is that scary? At anything that would be a relief... you know what, fuck you Mary. That's a scary thought to you because you're a dumbass.

people hurt other people

You hurt me with your poor grammar!

you will die somday

Hopefully not while reading this shit.

ghosts and monsters exist

Not a fact, but ok.

this page is over

That's not scary. That's something to thank God for. Fuck you, Mary. You're a dumbass who shits her pants and fantasizes about kissing Jeff's lipless mouth.