Son of Sirenhead

DEAR THE STUPID CPW ADMINS: DO NO DELEAT THIS IT IS MY MASTERPIECE AND IF YOU DO SIRENHEAD WILL GET YOU!1!1!1!1

There was a little couple. The girls name was Sally and the guy was named Bob. Sally was a twitch streamer and Bob was a PETA employee. They lived in a small house in West Virginia at the edge of their town with a forest behind their home. Sally got pregnant with twins

It was the day Sally’s twins, Kevin and Kyle, were born. Just a minute after the two were born, Kyle farted.

“EWWWWWWW KYLE FARTED” said Bob, smacking Kyle in the face. Strangely enough,  this did not damage Kyle’s delicate infant skull one bit, even though in real life it would destroy it.

When they got home from the hospital, the twins said their first words, already, for some strange reason, because babies develop much quicker in these kinds of stories than the do in real life. Kevin said it first.

“Mama!” Kevin said.

“Awwwwww how cute!”, said Sally.

“Mama!” Said Kyle.

“YOU LITTLE SON OF A B!T€H DON’T COPY YOUR BROTHER”, scolded Sally. She then threw Kyle onto the hard, wooden, floor. Again, Kyle survived this, because of crappypasta logic.

“Mama thats mean!”, said Kyle. He then jumped up (somehow, even though he’s only A FEW DAYS OLD FOR GOD’S SAKE) and KICKED SALLY IN THE EYE. Sally then got a concussion (somehow??????) even though she was only kicked in the eye, by a FRICKING NEWBORN! It’s not like she got hit in the head with a metal pole or something! She was then sent to the ER, for some reason! Bob was super mad at the fact that his son had gave his wife a concussion so he THREW HIM OUT THE WINDOW, causing Kyle to be covered in glass shards. It is never explained how a newborn baby’s force was strong enough to destroy a window. Also, anyway, Kyle was hardly harmed whatsoever. Maybe a few paper cuts, but nothing super painful.

One day, when the twins were 3, The couple took them too the mall. Kevin got LITERALLY EVERYTHING HE WANTED, while Kyle was forbidden from getting anything.

“Mommy, why did you bwing he hewe if I can’t get anything?”, asked Kyle. Of course, the obvious answer is that he is a three year old and can’t be left alone. But forget that, there is a completely nonsensical reason why he was actually brought to the mall.

“SO YOU CAN WATCH YOUR TWIN GET THE LOVE AND GIFTS THAT YOU WILL NEVER GET”, yelled Sally.

“I-I-I wish I never fawted when I was bown”, cried Kyle as tears ran down his face. Suddenly, Bob pulled down his pants and pooped in the middle of the mall. Why he was never punished is never explained, however, this is Shittycreepypastaland we’re talking about. I mean, if they allow students to murder and take drugs, than I wouldn’t be surprised what so ever in they allowed public defecation!

“EAT THIS PILE OF $H!T YOU LITTLE MOTHERF#€%ER!”, commanded bob.

“Daddy pwease no it’s gwo-“, pleaded Kyle.

“JUST EAT IT YOU C#^T”, yelled Bob before Kyle could finish his sentence. He then punched Kyle’s cheek. Kyle finally agreed to eat the poop. But after he did so, he barfed all over the floor!

“STOP CRYING YOU F*€£ING WUSSY!”, said Sally. “IF YOU DONT JUST EAT ALL THIS BARF!” Kyle, terrified, started to run away, refusing to eat his barf. However, before Kyle could escape far enough, Bob kicked him in the balls.

6 years later, when Kyle and Kevin were nine, Kyle was playing Minecraft one day and saw a girl who he talked to a bit. Little did he know that Kevin was watching him AND she was his “Minecraft girlfriend”. Kevin was enraged by this. He then tattled on Kevin and said that he “sToLe hIs MiNeCrAfT gIrLfRiEnD”. Sally and Bob were not happy at all, and therefore injected Kyle with cyanide. It is unclear why they were so angry about this, because they seem like the type of people who’d think vIdEo GaMeS cAuSe ViOlEnCe”. From that day on, Kyle only played Minecraft behind Kevin’s back.

5 years later, when Kyle and Kevin were now 14, there was a new student named Toby at there school. He had moved from Wherevertheylovedbeforebrug to Shittycreepypastaville because his parents decided they needed to make him a generic bully character. Toby was just that. He was fat, rich, popular, etc. Everything you expect in a jeff-style creepypasta bully. Even though he had just came to the school, he was instantly popular. And guess who instantly became is best friend. That’s right! Kevin!

The day Toby first came to school, during lunch, he stole Kyle’s lunch,only and used it to buy some Mozzarella sticks and corn dog nuggets. Kyle was sooooooooo angry. This could of been his chance to finally have some Corn dog nuggets and mozzarella sticks! At home, while Kevin could eat ANYTHING HE WANTED, Kyle was forced into a vegan, keto, gluten free, GMO free, nut free, paleo, and all organic diet that consisted solely of cabbage. Why he had never bought school lunch before or why he was even allowed to buy school lunch as opposed to his parents packing him lunch since he was on such a strict diet is never explained. Plus, why would he even want school lunch in the first place? School lunch is heckin’ DISGUSTANG I TELL YOU! So anyway, Kyle decided to steal Toby’s lunch. wHaT a LiKaBlE aNd ReLaTaBlE cHaRaCtEr!1!1!1

“HEY WHY ARE YOU STEALING MY LUNCH”, yelled Toby.

“Says the person who stole my lunch money”, mocked Kyle. Kyle tried to escape the situation, but all of then sudden, Toby grabbed him by the shoulder and got out his gun, shooting Kyle in the neck. Kyle, of course, survived this, and barely felt any pain, since he is a frickn’ Gary Stu. Then, Kevin joined in the fight and stabbed him in the buttock. Again, barely anything affected him. Kyle tried to escape, but failed, when Liam and Wallace (Toby and Kevin’s two other close friends), Eve (Kevin’s girlfriend), and Heather (Toby’s girlfriend) joined the fight. They all shot him 666 times, stabbed him 420 times, and kicked him in the balls 69 times. Again, he somehow survived this, and all he got was a slight scrape on his knee, with very little blood. Then, Toby, Kevin, and the gang started chasing Kyle into the bathroom. Inside there they DISEMBOWELED HIM (which he survived, which really isn’t a surprise any more), then (somehow) flushed him down the toilet, even though the human body is far to large to be flushed down the toilet.

Kyle suddenly woke up in the middle of the sewers, with is wound from being disemboweled by Kevin and the gang completely healed somehow. Suddenly, BOUNTY HUNTERS appeared in the sewers and caught him. How they got in there was never explained. It turns out these bounty hunters were hired BY THE SCHOOL to get him than take him to detention, after Kevin and his friends told the principal that he stole is lunch money. Forget that 6 students had literally attempted murder! Food theft is faaaaaaaaar worse!

So anyway, Kyle was brought to school into the principal’s office, where he was about to have detention for stealing his lunch.

“Kyle Nolastname, we need to have a talk”, said Mr. Cartoonishlyabusiveprincipal. “Your brother and his friends told me that you stole Toby’s lunch.”

“But-“, protested Kyle.

“NO BUTS YOU LITTLE B![€£” demanded Mr. Cartoonishlyabusiveprincipal, getting out his belt. “KNOW GO WRITE “I promise I will never steal someone’s lunch ever again” 69 TIMES WHILE I USE THIS MOTHERF@€%ING THING TO WHIP YOUR A$$”.

Kyle only wrote down “I promise I will never steal someone’s lunch ever again” about 6 times. The, he escaped. Mr. Cartoonishlyabusiveprincipal tried to prevent him from doing so, but Kyle just kicked him in the nuts. wHaT a LiKaBlE aNd ReLaTaBlE cHaRaCtEr!1!1!1

Kyle ran back home, even though it probably wouldn’t be much worse than what he experienced at school, since his parents were just so cartoonishly abusive. But once he got back home, he instantly regretted it.

“HOW F@#$ING DARE YOU STEAL TOBY’S LUNCH YOU LITTLE H@#”, said Bob.

“But dad, he stole my lunch mo-“ defended Kyle

“NO BUTS”, said Sally. “NOW GO DIE IN HELL YOU LITTLE SON O-“

“But mom, Kevin, Toby, and the rest of my bullies tri-“, pleaded Kyle.

“I SAID NO BUTS”, yelled Sally. Suddenly, He spotted his father carrying a torch.

“Dad, what are you doing with that fire!”, he asked. Bob didn’t reply. Then, he spotted Sally also carrying a torch. Suddenly, the two tossed their torches towards him! Just then did Kyle realize what they were up to. They were about to set him on fire! Kyle burned, but he survived, since he simply cannot be killed.

“YOUR GROUNDED FOR THREE MONTHS”, said Bob, throwing Kyle up into his room. I wish I never farted when I was born, thought Kyle. All of this abuse would have just not existed, as well as Kevin being far less spoiled, if Kyle had never farted just a minute after he was born.

Anyway, while Kyle was grounded, his computer was still up in is room, for some reason. I mean, an abused child wouldn’t even have a computer in his room, let alone a grounded abused child! Since he was so board, Kyle went to a random word generator and used two random words, then searched those words together up. Once, the two words he got were “Siren” and “head”. The results he got he instantly fell in love with. It was then that Kyle discovered Sirenhead, the monster created by Canadian artist Trevor Henderson. Kyle though Sirenhead was the coolest thing ever. To me, at least, Sirenhead doesn’t look cool or scary at all, he just looks downright funny to me. But Kyle disagrees! He loooooved Sirenhead. He even found him relatable. I mean, normal people wouldn’t find A 40 foot monster that Kills tones of people and has sirens for a head relatable, but Kyle sure does. For example, like Sirenhead, Kyle was tall. Not as tall as sirenhead, of course, but Kyle was the tallest kid in the school. He was 6”7. Because there totally isn’t a huge gap between 40” and 6”7, right? Also, Kyle always liked to go into the woods. There’s as a woods right next to their home, of course, because this is a Jeff-esque crappypasta.

Once Kyle was ungrounded, it was transformation class day at school. What is transformation class day, you might ask? So basically, it is a special class that only comes once a year, and so the students turn into their final form (because apparently all the suddenly this was a fantasy story) to show what “hybrid” they are. It seems like every gacha 9 year old thinks that “hybrid” means a supernatural being, but it doesn’t. It literally means the offspring of two separate species. Anyway, back to the story. So the teacher decides which “hybrid” is coolest or something like that. Liam went first. He turned into a werewolf.

“That’s very common”, said Mrs. Placeholderteacher. “Next”. Wallace went next. He turned into a demon.

“Also super common”, said Mrs. Placeholderteacher. “Next”. Then, Heather turned into a fairy.

“Still very common”, said Mrs. Placeholderteacher. “Next.” It was Erin’s turn now. She turned into an elf.

“Ugh. Still boring common hybrids”, groaned Mrs. Placeholderteacher. “Next”. Now it was Toby’s turn. He turned into a table.

“ARE WE SERIOUSLY NOT GONNA GET ANY INTERESTING HYBRIDS”, raged Mrs. Placeholderteacher. “Next.” It was now time for Kevin to find his final form. Kyle couldn’t wait for him to turn into a boring, generic hybrid. He watched as Kevin flexed, trying to find his final form. But nothing happened. It turned out Kevin had no final form. Kyle was laughing so hard. So was Mrs. Placeholderteacher. However, It was clear she was loosing her patience. For all of the hybrids so far were very boring and common.

“Next”, the teacher said. Finally! It was Kyle’s turn now. He was so excited. He flexed, and suddenly, his skin became rusty brown, became very skinny (nearly mummified), grey 22 feet tall, and grew sirens for heads.

“OH MY GOD YOUR’E A SIREN HEAD!”, yelled Mrs. Placeholderteacher with excitement. “I NEED TO GO TELL SIRENHEAD!” Although  he was sooooooooo excited to meet Sirenhead, first things first, he want to kill all his bullies. So he created a sound so loud that it caused all his bullies to exploded. There was blood and guts EVERYWHERE! Then, he did the same to Mr. Cartoonishlyabusiveprincipal. Then, he killed the bounty hunters, which were still at the school for some reason, even though their work there was done. Then, he ate all of the organs of his killed enemies and cranked their spilled blood. Just as he thought his work was done, he saw Kevin hiding under a table. He grabbed him and snapped him in half, but he was still alive for some reason. Then, Kyle ate him live. wHaT a LiKaBlE aNd ReLaTaBlE cHaRaCtEr!1!1! Also, oVeR tHe ToP aNd CaRtOoNiSh GoRe Is ToTaLlY sCaRy, YoU gUyS!1!1!1!1!

Anyway, so Kyle ran out of the school and into the woods behind his house, where he was about to search for his dad.

“Father!”, he begged. “Please, find me! I’m still here! If you hear me, come save me!”

“Don’t worry, I’m here for you”, said a loud, staticky voice from above. Kyle looked up at who said it. It was his idol, Sirenhead!

“I will take you to the Slender mansion where all the creepypastas live”, said Sirenhead. Even though Sirenhead isn’t technically a “creepypastal, as he has never been in one and is instead a character featured in horror art of Trevor Henderson, 12 year olds seem to think he is one.

So the two ran from Unamedtowninwestvirginia to Shittycreepypastaville in just a matter of two hours. They got to the Slender mansion, and met the creepypastas. For about 15 minutes the “creepypastas” were perfectly happy until all of the sudden, they heard a knock on the door. Kyle opened it, but he was terrified at who was at the door. It was his two parents, Sally and Bob!

“Kyle”, said Bob. “GET THE F@#$ OVER HERE AND LET ME TELL YOU A STORY!”

“But your not my real dad!”, said Kyle. “Sirenhead is my real dad!”

“I know”, replied Bob. “BUT YOU FIGURED THAT OUT AND THATS NOT OK”.

“You see Kyle”, explained Sally, “You are actually much older than 14 years. You are actually 14,000 years old. However, one day, you killed Bob’s best friend!”

“So as an act of revenge, I turned you into a human fetus and placed you in Sally’s womb”, explained Bob. “Then, I made you fart the moment you were born so me and Sally could have an excuse for abusing you, even though it’s the most idiotic reason to hate a child ever.”

“We also spoiled your brother so you would be even more jealous!”, said Sally

“Everything makes sense now.....”, said Kyle in wonder.

“NOW YOU FOUND OUT THE TRUTH YOU LITTLE D!€%HEAD!” Bob yelled. “NOW GO DIE!”

Kyle watched as his adoptive parents lit the Slender mansion on fire! All this because he found out that Sirenhead was his actual dad!

“WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!”, yelled Mary Sue Perfectpants.

“Help us!”, cried Jeff the Killer.

“Our home is up in flames!”, shouted slenderman. The Slender mansion was now nothing but ashes and the “creepypastas” were now nothing but homeless. No one was killed or even harmed though, as everyone is fire resistant in Shittycreepypastaland.

“How dare you destroy my new home!”, said Kyle. He then created the really loud noise he made to his bullies, exploding his parents, with blood and guys spilling EVERYWHERE! He then fed the organs to the rest of the “creepypastas”. wHaT a LiKaBlE aNd ReLaTaBlE cHaRaCtEr!1!1!1!1!1!1!1

“Now let’s move to a new home”, said Sirenhead. Since the Slender mansion had been burned down, the “creepypastas” left Shittycreepypastaville and moved to a random dessert in the middle of the dessert. They called it “Shittycreepypastaville2”. Then, they built a new home for them. It was called the “Sirenhead Skyscrapper”, as it was shaped like Sirenhead. They made it shaped like sirenhead because he was all the rage of all the 12 year olds nowadays. It was feet tall and it had a 69,666,420,130,006 acre ranch. It also had a 6 mile pool that was 13 acres deep. The “creepypastas” also had 3847390 dogs, 494925 cats, 93743 horses, 7583 lions 863 tigers 57 monkeys and 2 dinosaurs. They had many, many rooms, including a creepypasta writing room. Kyle was super duper spoiled now. He now made Kevin seem like how Kyle used to be.

Meanwhile, Kyle got a crush on Mary Sue Perfectpants Jr, the daughter of Jeff the Killer and Mary Sue Perfectpants.

“Hey Mary Jr”, said Kyle. “Your super duper hot”, which is a totally realistic pick up line.

“B-Baka!”, shouted Mary Jr. “Don’t you see I’m with Genericbadboyloveinterest?”

“But Genericbadboyloveinterest is your twin brother”, explained Kyle, which was the first time he actually had a point. “Plus, he is faaaaaaaaar less hot than me!” I mean, who wouldn’t want to date a 5g tower with arms and legs, riiiiiiiiiiight?????????????

“J-just get away from me!”, demanded Mary Jr.

“I won’t unless you leave Genericbadboyloveinterest”, warned Kyle.

“Never!”, protested Mary Jr.

“You know what that means”, said Kyle. He then found Genericbadboyloveinterest and Made the loud sound at him, exploding him. Then, he ate his organs and drank his blood. wHaT a LiKaBlE aNd ReLaTaBlE cHaRaCtEr!1!1!

“There is only one choice now”, said Kyle, getting uncomfortably close to Mary Jr. For some reason, even though he LITERALLY KILLED HER EX IN ORDER TO FORCE HER TO BE WITH HIM, Mary jr loved Kyle from that day on. They got married 6 months later, which is an unrealistic amount of time, (as well as both of them being 14), and just a day after their wedding, Mary Jr announced she was 13 weeks pregnant with decuplets (FBI OPEN UP). Nine months later, They were born (duh) and while the other 8 now work as slaves in the Sirenhead Skyscraper basement, two of them live as “creepypastas”. Their names are Gary Stu and Sirenette.

And they all lived happily after after. THE END

OR WAS IT?!1?!1?!1?!1?!1?!1