GOODBYE SPONGEBOB

ALRIGHT, I KNOW YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS. I USED TO BE A SKEPTIC TOO, BUT EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT REALITY IS A LIE, AND YOU CAN'T KNOW THE TRUTH, OKAY? SO ONE TIME, WHILE I WAS LIVING IN SOME PLACE, SOME CREEPY SHIT HAPPENED. I SAW SOMETHING SCARY IN MY MIRROR. I TURNED AROUND AND IT SAID THE TIME WAS 13:666 OH GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! THEN I SAW A LITTLE GIRL SMILING AT ME, BUT SHE WAS, LIKE, A CREEPY LITTLE GIRL, SO WHATEVER. THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT AND DISEMBOWELED HER, SO I WAS LIKE "OK, I'M DONE WITH THIS." SO I WALKED OUTSIDE, AND I FOUND A TIME-TRAVELER WHO TOLD ME HE KILLED ARCHDUKE FRANZ FERDINAND AND ABRAHAM LINCOLN, WHICH IS WEIRD BECAUSE WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? SO JUST WALKED ALONG, THINKING THAT EVERYTHING WAS FINE NOW, WHEN THE SKY TURNED RED FOR SOME REASON.

THEN I FOUND A YARD SALE THAT WAS SELLING GAMES. I FOUND A POKEMON ONE THAT WAS JUST A BLANK CARTRIDGE WITH POKÉMON WRITTEN ON IT IN MARKER. I SAID "I'LL TAKE IT." AND THE YARD SALE GUY WAS LIKE "DUDE, THAT GAME IS HAUNTED." AND I WAS LIKE "BITCH I DON'T CARE." THEN I PUNCHED HIM IN THE GUT AND LEFT HIM FIVE DOLLARS (WITH THREE DOLLAR TIP, OF COURSE). WHEN I GOT HOME, I STARTED PLAYING THE GAME. THE INTRO WAS HITLER GIVING A SPEECH AND NAZIS GOOSE STEPPING THROUGH A CONCENTRATION CAMP, AND IT WAS ALL HYPER-REALISTIC. WEIRD. AND I HEARD THE LAVENDER TOWN THEME BEING PLAYED ON AN ENDLESS LOOP, AND I THOUGHT "FUCK." BUT THEN IT WAS OKAY,

BECAUSE I FOUND A SECRET THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE GAME, AND I FELT PROUD. I THEN REMEMBERED THAT BEFORE I LEFT, THE YARD SALE GUY TOLD ME THAT THE KID WHO OWNED THIS GAME PUT SATANIC POWERS IN IT AND COMMITTED SUICIDE, BUT THEN I REALIZED THAT I DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT AND KEPT ON PLAYING. THEN HEROBRINE CAME ON THE SCREEN FOR SOME REASON AND SAID MY NAME, EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T TELL THE GAME MY REAL NAME. CREEPY, HUH? SO I KEPT ON PLAYING AS NORMAL. I WAS TRYING TO LIVE CHILDHOOD NOSTALGIA WHEN SOME UNOWN FLASHED ON THE SCREEN, AND WHEN I TRANSLATED IT, IT SAID "LOOK BEHIND YOU." SO I DID AND THAT CREEPY GIRL WAS THERE AGAIN, NOT DISEMBOWELED FOR SOME REASON. I PATTED HER ON THE HEAD SHE TURNED REALLY TALL AND FOR SOME REASON HAS A SUIT ON AND IS A GUY BUT THEN HE JUST STOOD THERE SO FOR 6 MOUTHS I LOST MY MEMORY BUT THAN FOR SOME REASON DIDN'T CARE. THEN WENT BACK TO THE GAME, I DECIDED TO TAKE A BREAK (BUT I COULDN'T TURN THE GAME OFF, WTF?) WHEN I FOUND SOMEONE PM'ED ME THIS THING THAT I COULD HACK THE GAME WITH,

SO I DID WITHOUT QUESTIONING ANYTHING. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT WOULD DO. THEN CHARACTERS STARTED TELLING ME TO TURN BACK, TURN OFF THE GAME, AND TO NOT GO TO LAVENDER TOWN, BUT I SAID "FUCK THAT SHIT" AND WENT THERE ANYWAYS. I WALKED UP TO SOME KID AND TALKED TO HIM. HE SAID "BEN DROWNED" I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK THAT MEANS, BUT WHATEVER. SO I LEFT LAVENDER TOWN BECAUSE THE MUSIC MADE ME WANT TO COMMIT SUICIDE. SOMEONE SAW ME, THEN I FROZE. HE WALKED UP TO ME AND SAID HE WANTED TO FIGHT. BUT WE DIDN'T FIGHT. THESE WEIRD MUTATED CREATURES DID. MINE ONE, AND HIS SUNK INTO THE GROUND. THEN I STOLE HIS MONEY, AND THEN ROBLOX. THEN THE GAME DELETED ITSELF, AND I COULDN'T GET IT BACK. NOW THAT THAT WAS OVER, I DECIDED TO WATCH TV. BUT BEFORE THAT, I WENT BACK ON THE COMPUTER, AND A FRIEND OF MINE WHO WAS ALSO AN INTERN AT NICKELODEON LIKE ME HAD SENT ME A WEIRD FILE. IT WAS CALLED "SUPERSUICIDESPONGEMOUSE.AVI" USING MY 1337 SKILLS AND "FAGGOT.EXE", I GOT THE FILE ON MY TV AND WATCHED IT. IT WAS A LOST EPISODE OF SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS AND IT WAS CALLED "GOODBYE (INSERT MY NAME) SQUAREPANTS, WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO THEN THERE WAS ALL THIS VIOLENCE AND BLOOD AND SHIT, INCLUDING A SOVIET GULAG. THEN THE CREEPY LITTLE GIRL COMMITTED SUICIDE, AND I FOUND OUT THAT A LOTS OF CHILDREN COMMITTED SUICIDE WHEN THEY WATCHED IT. THEN THE SKELETON POPPED OUT AGAIN AND KILLED ME. THE END.

PS: YOU'RE NEXT!!!!