Moaning Lisa

WARNING: This story is entirely true, everything I will tell you below happened in real life. If you don't believe me, you can go shove it up your arsehole. One foggy, rainy winter day in the dead of July I came upon a VHS tape in the middle of the street. Written on it in big red uppercase letters was "SIMPSONSLOSTEPISODE.POTATO".

I remembered the thing my mother told me when I was a little kid. "Never pick up a VHS tape that says "LOSTEPISODE.FILEEXTENSION" and put it inside your VHS player, or you will die a slow and painful death.".

But, I'm fucking stupid, so I picked up the VHS tape. I like the Simpsons anyways so yeah.

I walked back to my house, and looked at the tape closer. The back side of the tape, again in big red uppercase letters, read 7G06.

I was instantly spooped by this. Could this be Dead 🅱art? Of course not, creepypastas are just stories. However, there was a slim possibility that I had picked up an un-made spoopy lost episode.

Not that spoopy Simpsons episodes weren't common, though. I'm sure yous have all heard of the Treehouse of Horror episodes.

I plopped the VHS in my VHS player, and sat on the carpet to watch.

It came on, strangely the intro was different. Everything was painted in hyper-realistic diarrhoea. The couch gag was everybody shitting themselves all over the couch.

I'm stupid as fuck so I thought it was a glitch even though this obviously isn't a fucking video game but shut up.

And then the episode started. The title was Moaning Lisa. And I was surprised because it said "SimpsonsLostEpisode.potato", and Moaning Lisa obviously is a part of the real Simpsons canon, not a lost episode, right?

But something was different. Lisa was in the bathroom, completely nude, trying to turn on the bathtub. It appears as if it did not work.

Lisa being nude, at her age, spooped me intensely. I shit myself with pure terror and awe as her nude posterior swayed about the room.

Lisa screamed at the top of her lungs, "BLOODY FUCKING HELL! THIS FUCKING BATHTUB WON'T BLOODY TURN ON! I DON'T HAVE ALL WANKING DAY TO DEAL WITH THIS BOLLOCKS!"

I was epically spooped. The Simpsons was an adult animated series, and occasionally used light profanity, but never on this scale. And this coming from a child? I was extremely offended.

"HEY! WATCH YO FUCKING PROFANITY!" I screamed at the TV.

Suddenly, Lisa's eyes turned hyper-realistic and bloody. She turned to me and stared at me for exactly 69.420 yottaseconds.

This lost episode of the Simpsons was super spoopy. Maybe this was a spoopy Kampuchean bootleg tape. However, it couldn't have been. I live in the British Empire! And no, I'm not a snooty tea-drinking aristocratic asshole, if that's what you think all Limeys are.

Anyways, Lisa went back to normal, and said "Well, looks like I'll have to wash my feet in the sink."

It showed Lisa's feet hyper-realistically, and it was super clean looking. I was like "WTF Lisa your feet are already clean as a whistle!"

Lisa stared at me again, this time for 13.37 milliseconds.

Then she went back to normal and turned the sink on. Then, she put her barefeet in the sink basin.

Then, it hyper-realistically showed her hyper-realistic posterior hyper-realistically bare as she squatted.

Suddenly, Bart Simpson hyper-realistically walked into the bathroom. Then, he hyper-realistically pulled his hyper-realistic shorts down, exposing both his hyper-realistic posterior and his hyper-realistic willy. There was one thing about his hyper-realistic wee-wee, though. It was as hyper-realistically hard as lonsdaleite.

Bart pulled off all of his hyper-realistic clothing, and stuck his pee-pee inside Lisa's poo poo hole.

It all connected there as I heard Lisa begin to moan.

This was what Moaning Lisa was supposed to be. An episode with Lisa moaning in it. It all made sense, right then and there.

Lisa started moaning hyper-realistically. She hyper-realistically breathed heavily, moving up and hyper-realistically down as Bart hyper-realistically fucked her.

By the time the episode was supposed to end, it didn't. The lost episode continued on for a whole year, which was boring as fuck because imagine a 365-day long episode of the Simpsons, until Bart came hyper-realistically. Lisa hyper-realistically fell down and hyper-realistically broke all of her hyper-realistic bones hyper-realistically, before hyper-realistically dying on the hyper-realistic floor.

Then, Homer hyper-realistically broke down the hyper-realistic door, hyper-realistically strangling the hyper-realistically naked Bart until Bart hyper-realistically asphyxiated and then hyper-realistically died, also falling down hyper-realistically on the hyper-realistic floor.

Then, Marge came in hyper-realistically, and hyper-realistically tore off all of her hyper-realistic clothes, before Marge and Homer hyper-realistically fucked, and then they both had a hyper-realistic aneurysm and then hyper-realistically died.

Then it hyper-realistically cut to Maggie, and it hyper-realistically zoomed on her. The screen got gradually redder and redder with disturbing sound effects as it zoomed upon Maggie's hyper-realistic face. As soon as the only thing I could see was Maggie's face, it abruptly ended.

The credits all said "YOU'RE NEXT BRO!", and then the episode ended, but not before the Simpsons, except for Maggie, all came in, hyper-realistically naked. They all walked slowly up to the screen with spoopy expressions on their face. What's even spoopier is that they were all in 3D, like the Simpsons in the Simpsons: Hit and Run.

Then they said, "Subscribe to PewDiePie, or else you're next!".

And then the episode ended.

Except it didn't. It was a loop of Homer dancing naked to Pink Floyd forever.

I tried to take the VHS out, but it wouldn't come out. Suddenly, the telephone rang.

I hadn't learned anything from the lost episode, so I picked it up sheepishly.

It was Dan Castellaneta's voice.

"YOU'RE NEXT BRO!"

I felt like seeing what Dan Castellaneta looked like so I looked him up. It said that he died the day before I got the phone call for no reason. An infamous question quickly formulated within the dark and fermented depths of my mind.

I took an bazooka out of my garage, and walked over to the TV. I looked at the nude figure of Homer dancing to "Another Brick in the Wall, Part II" for one last time, before loading my gun.

Just as I was ready to blow my VHS to Kingdom Come, a skeleton popped out of my TV, and I was so spooped that I entered cardiac arrest and then died.

It is from Hell that I write this story. Just so you know, this story has a moral; never pick up a lost episode VHS that you find in the middle of the street or else YOU WILL FUCKING DIE!

Oh, and I forgot to tell you something.

You wanna know what I thought after getting the phone call from the guy who voiced Homer and then finding out that he died?

"THEN WHO WAS PHONE?"