Nitpick Archive 7

Hey, everyone. I'm still working on my big review, as well as the LOLPasta video game. Just for a hold over, I decided to make a small edition of Ned's Nitpicks. Today, I'm looking at several stories written by the same author.

Besides having the same author, these stories have a lot in common: poor spelling, walls of text, messages written in Japanese, loud noises, THIS WILL HAPPEN TO IN X YEARS, and other shit. This kid also made a bunch of other stories which were all either Disney, Sonic X, or Annoying Orange. I don't even think he made anything besides those.

Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers (Alternate Ending)
'''Hello! I am William, i have 16 years old'''

Let this set the tone for how bad the spelling in this story is.

and my little brother, Chris haves 8 years old

Your brother has eight year olds? Wow, he must be older than you if he's old enough to have children.

'''and always loved Mickey Mouse films. So my parents gave Chris a DVD of The Three Musketeers, so i go to the sofa with my family. Including Chris'''

Really? I'm sure glad you told us that Chris, WHO OWNS THE FUCKING THING, was included. I would have been lost if you hadn't pointed that obvious detail out.

and i putted the DVD.

Five letter sentence, and only the last two are correct. I bet you "putted" your pants.

'''The scene began with a french turtle of the movie on a sofa saying while reading the book: Ah, Mickey, Donald and Goofy The Three Musketeers. and then the scene changes to Mickey and Pete fighting, everything goes normal but when Mickey's Sword was stuck by pete's shoe, punches mickey leaving him a nosebleed on his nose and a injury in his eye. it was cartoony,'''

Not as cartoony as this Shitpasta, that's for damn sure.

'''but when my mom says to my dad: Hey, don't you think disney looks different? Then my dad shrugs'''

Great, even the parents are pants shitters.

and we continue to watch the movie, then the scene changes to pete starting to touch Mickey's Chest while saying: Any last words rat? Then Mickey says: I will never give u- but Pete stabs the sword on Mickey's chest

You forgot the hyper realistic blood, dude.

and my parents covered Chris' eyes with their hands.

He was probably giggling like a psychopath.

so i keep watching the movie and the credits are the same, but the music was all for one and one for all but lower pitched.

THE MUSIC WAS THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT! cliche.

'''then when the credits finished it shows a black background with a red japanese text: あなたは次の犠牲者です、ピートは3年以内にあなたを連れて行きます. '''

FOREIGN LANGUAGES R SCURY, U GUIZE! I'M TOTALLY NOT XENOPHOBIC!

which means to: You are the next victim, Pete will get you in 3 years.

3 years, huh? Sounds like Pete's as physically slow as the main character is mentally.

i was shocked and return the DVD back to the store and he give him the money,

Yeah, returning an opened product. That would totally fly at Walmart.

it costs just $6,66 dollars.

Of course it did. Everything is 666 and 13 in Shittycreepypastaville.

''' and i will never watch the Alternate ending again! (UPDATE: Released on December 20th, 2009)'''

I'm surprised he didn't say something even stupider like "I WILL NEVUR WATCH MIKI MOOS AGIN!"

20th Century Fox: The Lost Blooper
'''I will think this will be a shortpasta or something. Maybe i should start the creepypasta,'''

Jesus Christ, and here I was thinking I WUZ AN INTERN was a shitty way to start a story. Like, this is even worse than THIS STORY IS JUST A CREEPYPASTA, or THIS TOTALLY HAPPENED, GUYZ!

'''The intro begin with the same intro of 20th Century Fox, but there was a mouse riding on a rocket but it hits on the th logo of TCF. (TCF means 20th Century fox, get it?)'''

No shit, dumbass. Also, why not 20th F or something more realistic. That's not even my biggest gripe, that would go to the fact that this doesn't even have a framing device, it's just here's the shit I'm describing with no substance.

'''and then the th starts to fall and the entire structure was exploded. then the scene changes to static and it changes the same logo but it says: 私はあなたを取得します. which means I will get you.'''

According to someone in the comment section of this story's page, that's not what it means. I translated it with Google and it translated to "I get you". Also, wow, the SCARY FOREIGN LANGUAGE cliche that his other story used. Also in Japanese, no less.

i was shocked because 20th Century fox never do that.

And you don't English. Go at school so you can English gooder. Also, you were shocked? Who are you? You didn't give a proper framing device so we have no fucking idea what's going on.

and instead when the intro finishes and instead of saying: A news corporation company it says Life isn't fair, and you can't escape either.

LMFAO!!! That's not scary, it's fucking funny. It's like what an angry parent would retort to their spoiled child who is whining about not getting their way.

so a hand comes out of the tv

There should be a poll on this story about which made it less scarier; this, or "I will think this will be a shortpasta or something. Maybe i should start the creepypasta"

and breaks the fourth wall,

You're using "the fourth wall" wrong.

but it stopped with a static for 1 minute.

So did the hand, who I'm imagining to be Thing from the Addams Family, just lie on the floor and do nothing?

then the video finishes but when i replay it shows a ad of the K-fee screamer, i can't skip until the ad stops.

Unskippable ads are the scariest part of this story. Also, why the fuck would you watch it twice? Maybe the first time made him pee a little, and his mom told him not bother her about his pants wetting unless it's an emergency, so he needs to make himself piss some more.

the screamer was so loud that almost go deaf so i turned off the volume and then when it finishes i turned it on again.

This whole story is one loose string of events.

'''the video only shows a red text with a black background saying: Also, you can't replay the video. you will have consequences about this in 4 years.'''

What's it with this kid and shit happening in a few years?

'''when the 4 years passed someone knocked the door, but when i opened it, i got a surprise! A red hand grabs me and it teleports to a abandoned house closed, i can't even escape.'''

There's no way this story isn't supposed to be a Trollpasta, or written by someone older than six years old!

so then the News reported about this and arrested the people who make this hand come outside of my house.

I... What? How do you make a living hand? And why were they outside your house? And how did you escape when you said you couldn't?

'''for 10 years. and then i was missing and i returned in 20 days to my home thanks to the Police.'''

Nice detail, jackass.

I WILL NEVER SEE THIS BLOOPER AGAIN!!!

I WILL NEVER WATCH X AGAIN cliche rehashed.

and when i returned home i got a mail on my PC

It's called an e-mail. Jesus Christ, even my farmer grandfather and great grandfather know what an e-mail is, and neither of them have internet.

'that says: Dear Jack, i'm sorry for this But we called the police to arrest the fake employer of the FOX Company, including we fired him. - The FOX Company employers.'

Arrested for what? Making fucking garbage? If that would be the case, I'd skip town if I were you.

Virtual Pumpkin Carver (2011 Prototype)
Remember the Scary Game called Virtual Pumpkin Carver made by Liquid Generation?

No.

Also, this sentence right here is the closest we're gonna get with the author's piss poor writing skills.

Well here's a 2011 prototype of this, So i was searching games in (link deleted) and I Saw there's one game called: How to Carve a Pumpkin Like a Pro.

SCURY PROTOTYPE!

i clicked on it and it begins with a screen choosing what pumpkin i carve, the first one was the ghost, second one a cat, third one a spider and the fourth one was a face.

As AVGN would say, Might as well just called it Boo! Haunted House!

'''so i started to carve the pumpkin but when i started to Carve it showed a louder screamer sound and the pumpkin was splitting blood, eyes and organs everywhere and he haves a mouth, blood shark teeth and a black tongue. and also they carved only the eyes.'''

Pointless violence does NOT make it more scary, you guys.

'''When i started to choose another one it started to happen the same thing, but the game over was just a black screen saying: あなたは2年で妨害されます. which means to You will be sabotaged in 2 years,'''

(Japanese Text), (This will happen to you in X years). I don't know why this kid loves these tropes so much.

'''i was scared. so i exit the page and have nightmares about this. So this is a shortpasta and i hope you like it!'''

I didn't.

Annoying Orange: Unaired Pilot
THIS IS FAKE, JUST A CREEPYPASTA.

He's like the king of shitty disclaimers.

'''Hello! I see that Annoying Orange is Making some Shocktober Videos, Storytimes, Supercuts, etc.'''

And I see a bad story.

'''When i enter to YouTube, i saw a channel called: Dane Boe. when i enter his channel he haves only one video called: Talking Fruits test. I clicked on the video and it started with Annoying Orange laughing. everything is normal, but then when orange say: Hey Apple! You look fruity! then Apple says: SHUT UP!!! The loud screaming It almost make me deaf so i covered my ears.'''

So, loud noises is another part of this kid's list of favorite tropes?

'''Then apple talks normal and says: Shut up you freaking pipsqueak! And then orange says: Spit seed? Look at this'''

Your mom spits seed.

'''And then orange spits a seed on apple and then apple groans and then Orange says: Hey apple! Apple says: WHAT YOU... ORANGE BALL?! Then orange says whispering: Knife... and then a red knife with blood cuts apple and then apple screams painfully, then Orange grabbed a knife and hide it in his back saying: Hey pear! and then pear says: What is it orange? then Orange says: Can you do pushups with a knife? and then Orange cuts Pear with his knife and pear screamed painfully making him lost his voice, his screaming is so loud that i cover my ears for second time, and then the screen slowly fades black'''

I have no ocmment on any of this shit.

'''and it shows orange with black eyes laughing with a echo effect. then the screen fades to static for 1 minute, then it shows a bloody text that says: Created by Dane Boe @ GagFilms.com 2006. i feel shocked and weird because Dane Boe YouTube Channel did not exist in 2006. So this is another creepypasta. Goodbye!'''

This kid has other stories, but I'm not looking at them all because they're just the same shit: wall of text stories that feature shitty spelling, and a selected group of cliches (foreign language text, loud noises, etc.)

That Show
One week from today is Christmas, when I will post my special that I have been working on for months now. For now, I present yet another hold over. A story that was so terrible that I had to nitpick the fuck out of it to do it justice.

Hello,Can you help me?

I can help you by telling you not to capitalize "Can" because it's not a noun.

I’m trying to find this ‘lost’ show that I believed aired from 1992 to 2003.

This sounds even more stupid when you read what comes after it.

Now,Yes,I’ve worked on the show and I don’t remember much about it

You don't remember how long a show you allegedly worked on, or even what it was called. Man, either you were high as fuck or suffered amnesia since then.

so I can’t recall much,But I do know about this show that it was a children’s show

Of course it was. Why wouldn't it be?

that aired in Canada,New York,Brazil and Arizona at the time,

The fact that it aired in two entire countries, but only two states makes this look even more stupid.

And this show featured a cast of characters,Now,I don’t remember all of them,so I’m gonna list the ones I do remember,

You mean the only ones you can think up.

Lumpy,A Grey character that teaches people good health and hygiene,Hat Guy,He teaches kids good fashion,Whitey Blank,I dont know,and Lampy,Again,I don’t know,

You don't even remember your own mother's name, do you asshole?

And the show had over 50 episodes,a season,and it had only 2 seasons,

"a season", "2 seasons". Well, pick one! I think they meant it had 50 episodes a season? I don't know.

Causing the show to have 100 episodes in all.

I guess that confirms it.

And oh,I forgot to mention that the reason why I call this show ‘the show’ is because I don’t remember it’s name at all,

"Yeah I worked on this show for 11 years, BUT I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS CALLED!" - Fucking genius!

and plus all the people that worked on it along with me have changed there phone numbers,So It’s impossible to find them now,since they never told me about there new numbers,

They probably never changed them, and they probably already told you. You probably just forgot what they were.

also,Another fact about this series is that there was a few Vhs tapes,Containing all the episodes,

On SLP made a blank VHS can last between 6 to 8 hours. These episodes had to have been short as hell to fit on two tapes.

Only 2 exist and survive to this day,and 1 dvd survives,

Where the Hell did the DVD come from? Also, I'm guessing it's homemade. Imagine being a Wal-Mart manager and being told that you have a shipment of one DVD that's not being sold anywhere else, and that this is the only copy of it.

but the dvd is in Brazilian

"Brazilian" isn't a language. They speak Portugese in Brazil, not "Brazilian". Or even Spanish for that matter.

and it only has 50 episodes,only half of the series,

I CAN COUNT, MOMMY!

while the Vhs Tapes remain in English.

I'm surprised he didn't say "American".

Now,Yes,The names of the characters are there official names,sorry if they sounded stupid,but hey,that were there names.

You don't worry about the rest of this story sounding stupid, so why would you care if the characters' names do?

No doubt about it,and this show got cancelled for so called ‘Unknown Reason’s’ and I,Myself,Know the real reason why it was cancelled because I WORKED ON THE SHOW!

This sounds like a troll post.

Anyways,production began on the show in 1991,A few concept sketches were made and we pitched it to multiple tv networks,they refused.

It sounds boring as shit, so I don't blame them.

So we were about to give up until someone picked up our show,Now,I can’t recall all the names and the person who picked up the show because again,It was a long time ago,

Oh my God, dude, you need to see a doctor. How in the fuck do you not remember the station that picked up your show? From the author's prospective, it was probably so they wouldn't have to make something up, or they didn't choose a network because a small bit of research would completely debunk this story. Also, didn't the author pretty much say it was shown all over Canada and Brazil?

Anyways,When the show was picked up,Season 1 began in 1992,The first 10 episodes were ‘Test Pilots’ and these ‘Test Pilots’ featured,VERY early versions of the characters to this day,Besides,There was only 3 characters in the pilots,I don’t remember about the other two but I do remember the old version of Hat-Guy,Instead of a white or brown hat,He wore a blue hat with a red bowtie on it,His voice was more deeper then our final voice actor for him,

I have no comment for this.

'''Sadly,These test pilots I believe were destroyed at some point in 1995-1996. But Most of the copies were destroyed,the remaining ones I still have are the two Vhs Tapes,And the dvd doesn’t contain the pilots,on episodes 20-60,That’s it.'''

I can barely understand what the author is trying to say because their spelling is shit. No offense or anything.

But I do remember about what Some were the episodes about,In 1991’s Episode 032, “How to help people”,It featured the characters healing a kid that got a paper cut on his hand,And Episode 091, “The Trip” Featured the characters going on a field trip to a beach.

Happy Appy Appy App...

'''I also remember early season 1 to have more Brighter colors,and late season 1 to the entire season 2 had lower camera quality,making the colors on those episodes darker. Anyways,Later on in 1998-1999,Season 2 came out and ended later in 2003,'''

It took them 6 or 7 years to do only fifty episodes? What the fuck?

Now,Season 2 was the worst season of the series yet!

There was only one before it, and none after it!

'''I mean,There was an episode were the characters do bad habits,causing them to go to a hospital! And I won’t even describe the others,'''

"because I can't think of anything horrifying" the author thought to himself.

'''but the most terrifying episode of all,in the entire series,was Season 2,Episode 50,also known as the final episode,or the 100th,episode of the series,This episode was very disgusting and disturbing,I only remember that it showed the characters screaming and fighting eachother,and they hit eachother real hard! Even with weapons!'''

For some reason this made me think of the Itchy and Scratchy intro

'''Now,In 2003,the show was cancelled and most of the episodes were destroyed. Causing it to end like that. Now,Like 2 decades later after this incident,I got the thought about this show in my head and I tried redrawing the characters and scenes of the show as how I remembered them.'''

There was a Microsoft Paint stick finger people drawing at the bottom of the page.

'''I also Know that this show had no theme song and no ending credits. Anyways,This show was a huge success on its first season,'''

You can remember it being a success, but not what it was called. Also, if it were so successful, why doesn't anything besides TOO TAEPZ AND UH DEEVEEDEE of it exist?

Anyways,back on the current year topic,After I redrawn the characters as I remembered,

Take a shot every time he says "anyways".

I went into the basement to find the Vhs Tapes of the lost show,Pretty much lost media now,I also noticed that the page about this show was deleted Multiple times,

I imagine this dumbass trying to make Wikipedia articles about this show, only for it to keep being deleted.

'''and even went unlisted in broadcast history! Anyways,The Vhs Tapes were heavily damaged and need to be repaired,But sadly I don’t have my Vcr anymore,'''

It's like he knew "TAEPZ R DAMIJED" wouldn't be a good enough excuse so he had to throw in he doesn't have a VCR anymore. I dot have to hand it to him, he said "VCR" instead of "VHS Player".

I sold it,causing the show to be lost forever.

Yeah, because USB VCRs don't exist, and by getting rid of the VCR, you're somehow getting rid of the tape's contents. Fool!

'''The Vhs Cover is missing and so is the back of the tape is to,The Dvd is completely destroyed at this point to,And the cover of the Dvd is also missing. Will you help me find this... Series? This is a real story.'''

If the back of the tape is missing, just by a blank tape (or use one you don't give a shit about) and replace it. Also, I take it he was the only one who had the VHS tapes and the DVD? My final nitpick on this is the TRUE STORY! ending, which makes it even worse.