Sunky.MPEG

Hello Sunky enthusiast! My name is Machinegun Moneybags, but you can just call me Machinegun M-m-m-m-moneybags. I'm a total Sunky fan, just like everybody else in the world (and if you say you aren't, you're lying). I have all of the games, graphic novels, and limited-edition holographic bathsoaps, and now it's time to switch subjects entirely. I don't think I've ever played a hitchy or glacked game before, though I don't think I want to play any after the experience I had three dots...

It started on a beautiful stormy day. After a long day of fighting World War ll, I was tasting my copy of Sunky Unlooshed until my eye receptors input light rays to implant an image into my head of the events currently happening: the mailman had arrived and put something in my mailshark as usual and left. I flew out the window to go see what it was... The only thing in the mailshark's mouth was a package and a note. The note read:

Hi.

-Santa Claws (Get it? Me neither)

I then looked inside the package, and there was a jewelcase. Since I didn't have any jewels, I threw it in the recycling bin (remember, be green or else!). I reached down deeper inside the mouth of my mailshark, and retrieved a CD case for computers (a bit self-explanatory, but I spell everything out and don't respect the intelligence of the readers) and a note. Holding both in my hands, I swam inside to investigate them like the pickle pie purist I am. I looked at the note first and realized it was from my dear friend: Chesty Glitterwhip! I know it was him because it was his handwriting, except that it wasn't. This is what he wrote...

Dear Machinegun Moneybags. ..

= '''DESTROY THAT DISK IMMEDIATELY!!!!! DON'T PUT IT IN ANY DEVICE AT ALL!!!!! IF YOU DON'T HATE ME, DO AS I SAY!!!!! ''' =

-Chesty Glitterwhip

I took note of what he said, but then ignored it when I noticed the disk was SHINY!! Shiny disks? Yes please! I'll disrespect my peers any day for such a great payoff! And the icing on this (metaphorical(maybe)) cake was that it had "SUNKY" written on it!

ANY way, I went up to my room and sat in my chair and turned on my compootpoot and put the disc in and closed the tray and looked up at the screen and breathed in and breathed out and blinked and clicked on stuff and clicked on things that aren't stuff and opened the disk's folder. The only file was "SUNKY.MPEG". When I clicked it, an EXE opened up. When the title screen popped up I noticed that it was the first installment in the Sunky series, Sunky the Game! I was like, "Totally tubular, broski!" After mashing my face on the keyboard to start games like I usually do, I saw the title screen change into something else for a split second. The sky had darkened, the logo became rusted, much like the inner workings of my heart. Instead of saying "Sunky the Game", the title ribbon said "Sunky the EVIL", and the Level Select button said "EVIL EVIL" The water in the background was red like...like...like...THE COLOR RED!!! AAAAHH!!!!! But the creepiest thing was Sunky. He had these red eyes that were looking RIGHT AT SOMETHING THAT WAS MOST LIKELY ME!!!!! His mouth was veeeeery slightly more smile-ish, and it was REALLY SPOOPSY GUYS!!!!! Boy, for something on-screen for only a few seconds, I sure did notice everything in precise detail. I brushed this very-conveniently evil image off as just a glitch like anyone else in my position would.

It then took me to the save select screen from Sunky the Third Game. The background was from the Bad Future of Level Trumpets in Sunky CD, poopy clouds and all. The terror of the background could only be matched by the music. It was a song called "We Are Family", and it haunts me to this very day...

The files had three characters on them: Tlels the Fix, Knicknacks the Enchilada, and Dr. Robotnik. I yelled "WTF!?!" out loud like an annoying teenage girl who uses text speech as part of her verbal vocabulary.

That's when I realized....

THIS ISN'T A GLITCHY SUNKY THE GAME!!!!! THIS MUST BE HACKED OR SOMETHING!!!!!

I'm sure I came to that conclusion at a legitimate time. Most times when playing games, super evil level selects appear when they're glitchy, but PLAYING AS ROBOTNIK!?!! THIS ISN'T SOME KIND OF MADE-UP STORY WHERE LUDACROUS THINGS LIKE THAT CAN JUST HAPPEN NORMALLY!!!!!

Since Knicknacks and Dr. Robotnik had locks above their head, I chose Tlels, since only red static was above him. The game froze for fifteen seconds (I had a stopwatch handy) and then I heard the scary laugh of Spongebob Squarepants.

The screen stayed black for 4.13612691337420 seconds, and then the level title thing object item indicator words thing came on screen, but the complicated shapes were different shades of RED OOH COLORS ARE SCARY. The level was called "The Hills Are Alive", and this angered me since I had not yet seen The Sound Of Music, and I didn't want any spoilers. New paragraph! The screen faded in to show Tlels in Level The Green One from Sunky the Game. The music was scary though; it was the Goof Troop theme song. Just like you usually do in this level, I held right the whole time. However, there weren't any enemies or rings or anything other than a flat strip of land. After a while, Tlels saw a dead squirrel. His reaction didn't change since that would be really hard to program. Even if the game is haunted or whatever, we don't live in a fairy-tale land of perfect programming. More dead animals started appearing the further Tlels went. Soon, they stopped appearing as the music stopped. Tlels saw Sunky on the right side of the screen. He was looking the other way, eyes closed.

Tlels slowly started walking towards him, as static sounds grew louder. How is static relevant or significant in any way to this story? I don't know, explanation shouldn't be expected in haphazardly-written stories.

Tlels reached out his hand, and in a very quick moment before the screen went to black, Sunky's eyes opened, and the eyes were red like earlier! Eeky eekers! The screen stayed black for seven stopwatches until white text that formed a message appeared. The text read:

GOTTSA GO FEST

At this point, I was creeped out. I didn't want to continue with the game, but what kind of creepypasta main character would I be if I made a smart decision? A rational one, and that kind of main character belongs in good creepypastas. After the text faded out, I was taken to a different level with the level title now saying "LEVEL PATTYCAKE". This time I was in Level Jungly Jungles from Sunky the Third Game and it looked like everything was on fire. Did someone drop a Flaming Hot Cheeto?

They can't all be winners.

So I pressed down on the arrow key as hard as I could and made Tlels run as fast as he could, which wasn't very fast, The atmopsherical, yet creepy song of Watch Out For My Body Rolls played as I made Tlels trek through the desolate forest, trying to help him escape from whatever he was trying to casually stroll from. Suddenly I heard that creepy laugh again... that awful, Spongeboob laugh... right after 10 stoopwootches have passed as I helped Tlels walk through the forest, and then I started seeing flashes of Sunky popping everywhere on the screen, again with those red eyes. EEK!!! ANYTHING BUT THE COLOR RED!!!! COLORS GIVE ME THE HEEBEE JEEBEES!!!! The music changed to the suspenseful tune of You're On Blast as I see (Consistent verb tenses? Not in my story!) Sunky behind Tlels. He was slowly gaining up on him FLYING!!!! Sunky wasn't running, he was actually FLYING!!!!!! THAT WAS THE MOST PREPOSTEROUS THING THAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME THAT DAY!!!! Suddenly, Tlels tripped as another cut scene began. The music stopped and Sunky vanished. Tlels laid there and started crying for 15 watchstops. The scene was super sad! How could this happen to Tlels! I cried as much as my body could allow! Anyone but Tlels! He was the one who raised me! He understood me more than anyone! And now, I had to sit there, watching my closest pal suffer! Oh, the agony!

But then I remembered none of that was true, and that he was just a fictional game character in a non-canon game that couldn't be in any real danger due to the fact that he was fictional.

But then Unky Sunky appeared right in front of Tlels, and the orangey-yellowey-can't really tellowey fox looked up in horror. I could do nothing but watch. Well, I could've left the room to prevent being scared, turned off the computer, closed the game, or file my taxes, but I didn't feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel like it. Just in a split second Sunky danced with Tlels right before the screen went black. The text returned, only this time it said:

AW YEAH! THIS IS HAPPENIN!

I was so shocked by what had happened...did Sunky have a silly dance party with Tlels? No, he couldn't have... He and Tlels were supposed to be waiting 'til marriage, right? I shook the shock off by shakin' my choice booty as I was brought back to the character select, the save file that had Tlels was different; he was no longer in the box itself but in the TV screen, which was flickering with that red static, Tlels was wearing a very colorful party hat and an outrageously purple bowtie. Trying to ignore it, I selected the file with Knicknacks on it. The laugh came again and the screen cut to black again and stayed again there again again for another 10 stupweetches. This time, the title card said "YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO RUN, BUT I MAY NEED TO DOUBLE CHECK THAT". I was really freaked out by now, I couldn't really tell if this was a glitch, or a hack, or some kind of frozen beverage... or anything really, which would make it nothing. But despite my fear of what could happen next, I kept playing because that's the smart thing to do. The next level looked much different compared to the previous two. It had the ground of Level The Factory One, but the sky background looked like the main menu; it had the dark reddish cloudy sky. But it was the music that creeped me out the most: It sounded like the song  "Hooray for Captain Underpants", a fine piece of auditory pleasure in my humble opinion. Knicknacks ran down the straight pathway in this dark level. As he did, the screen flickered red static a couple times and then that maddening laugh came again. After a few seconds of running, I notice (More tense switching! I'm a great writer!) several bloodstains on the metallic ground. I felt a growing sense of fear again thinking something horrible is going to happen (Another switch, but in the same sentence!) to Knicknacks. Suddenly, Sunky appeared right in front of him with those red eyes. Knicknacks provided thought-provoking dialouge, and then red static appeared again. When the static vanished, it shown nothing but black screen with text saying "iNsERT SOnIc QuOte ThAT BEcaMe AN oUtdAtED mEme HeRE", I was now scared (Which implies I wasn't before). Sunky found Knicknacks already?! What was going on?! I wanted to go back to my normal life of abusing talking fishes and doing outrageously stylin' dances! Anyway, red static came again and then I was back to the level, Knicknacks looked like a doofus, and Sunky was nowhere to be found. While this occurred, a sexy song was playing. Suddenly, Sunky appeared right behind Knicknacks in what appeared to be pixelated black smoke, I made Knicknacks turn and then touch Sunky in hopes of rustling his jimmies, but Sunky vanished in black pixelated smoke when I tried, and that evil laugh went off again. Then Sunky appeared behind Knicknacks again and then I tried to touch him again and blah blah blah repetition. I felt like I was going crazy, because nothing drives me more insane than a game character moving around! Another cutscene played as Knicknackd (proofreading is for squares) stopped in place and spun his tongue around. I know I've done so from time to time. And then in a split second, Sunky danced with Knicknacks and the screen went black for at least 3 STAHPwatches. Another text message appeared, "So many dances to dance, so little dance... wouldn't you dance?" What in the name of Bartholomew... Just what is going on besides me switching tenses? I started to think Sunky was actually trying to have a silly dance party with all of his friends, but I was too smart to think that. I was brought back to the main menu, and this time, the second file box had Knicknacks in the TV screen. He had a party blower in his mouth! A PARTY BLOWER I tell you!! I began to think that those were the actual characters trapped in those TV screens on the save files, but that wouldn't make sense due to the fact that they aren't real peop-I mean because I couldn't believe it... I didn't want to believe it... So I shut off the game and took a nap. In my dream, I was elected the chairman of New Mustacheworld, and my first order of business as president was lifting the hotdog ban. However, my mayoral decision made the raviolis unhappy. So, it was my duty as chief of police to protect the New Mustacheworlders using the hi tech scrump-apple beams imported from Georgia. Much to the dismay of the townsfolk, they came prepared with eggyolk canons! But I saved the day with my mighty nipplering. That's when I woke up. After a couple of hours, I decided to continue playing the game. I didn’t know why, but I had to figure out why this was happening, which means I DID know why I continued to play. So, I turned on the computer, turned on the game and selected Robotnik. I still thought that was wacky, playing as Robotnik, which most people would think the whole entire experience of playing a haunted game as wacky, but playing as Robotnik was the wackiest part of any of this.

The title card appeared, accompanied by dead silence. The level was named "The Sanctuary". The song "Castle Bleck" began playing as the level faded in. I observed a worried Robotnik inside of a rocky baracade.The only source of light came from multiple cyan orbs held in a yellow mold that resembled an egg cup. These would attach to a wooden plank that covered the surface of the rocky ground. Even with the lights, this level was quite dark. Robotnik controlled normally with the exception of his inability to jump. There were a few steps ahead of him that lead deeper into the area that Robotnik walked down. After reaching the bottom step, Robotnik continued walking the straight path ahead, as the lights illuminated his path. I wasn't quite sure, but I thought I saw something red and bright in the background. It might've been me though, since it disappeared as my eyes focused on the area I spotted it. So, I continued ahead, Robotnik still looking a tad unnerved. However, I noticed lights stopped appearing after walking a bit more. The oncoming path soon began to darken due to the lack of the lights. The music began to fade out after a while, bringing me a small sense of unease. I tried to return to the lit-up area, but an invisible wall prevented me from doing so. I had no other direction to move than the pitch black path ahead. I kept on going, unsure if things would light back up. After a short span of time, the screen faded in to a silhouette of Robotnik in a falling position. He didn't appear to be conscious, as he didn't move while falling. He might've fallen down a cliff previously hidden within the darkness. However, where was this new light source coming from? I waited to see where Robotnik was falling towards, and fell into a very large light. It became too bright to see Robotnik at this point. It then cut to a purple polka-dotted room with Robotnik and instructions saying HOW2DANCEPARTY.

1. FASHUN

Suddenly, Dr. Robotnik's spectacles disappeared! At the top of my lungs, I yelled, "OH NO, DR. ROBOTNIK!! WHERE ARE YOUR SPECTACLES?" My next door neighbor told me to be quiet, so I threw a very colorful milk cartoon at him. Then, Robotnik got a pair of tight shutter shades. After, the next step appeared:

2. DA DANCE MOOVES

Then, Robotnik did a #sweg dance.

3. THAT IS IT

After, he appeared in a kewl dance room with Sunky. They had a silly dance party, and red static filled the screen. The red static lasted for about 15 starpwartches and then it showed me a most unpleasant image indEED OL' CHUM A MOST UNPLEASANT IMAGE INDEED... The image showed a diaper-realistic Sunky standing in the darkness where you could only see his face while his head and torso faded into black, and when I say riper-heelistic, I mean that he looked so real you could actually see the lines in his blue fur, as if you could actually feel the fur if you touched the screen, unlike those times when I touch photographs thinking I'll feel them because of how realistic they are. His face...oh goodles, he had the most horrifying strait face I had ever seen. And that's saying something considering I saw that image at the start of the game. His glowing red dot eyes in were staring RIGHT AT ME, as if staring into my mind instead of right at me like I just said. I stared at that gruesome image for a good 30 stipwitches, never taking my feet off it, I felt as if he was actually looking at me. Then the screen flickered with red static again 3 times, and on the 3rd time I heard the SpongeboymeBob laugh, except this time it sounded distorted, demonic even...as if someone knew how to use Audacity! It went back to the image again except this time there was the text again. Although it was messed up, it was pretty much one of the most horrifying things I looked at since I had started this game...

"I OCCASIONALLY SUNK."

It was when I read that message while looking at Sunky when it hit me, I realized right there and then. Sunky wanted to have a silly dance party, so he had one with Tlels, Knicknacks, and Dr. Robotnik. They loved the silly dance parties, but since Sunky never made any invitations, they didn't know that was what Sunky's intentions were, hence their fear. Also, Level The Green One was throwing a zombie costume contest. The one with the picket sign obviously won. Knicknacks spilt ketchup all over Level The Factory One, so the poopy clouds were sent out to clean it up with MIND POWERS! And the red eyes on Sunky? To get teleportation and flying powers, he sipped a glass of Dance Party Helper, which helped make gathering his friends to dance with him easier. However, the side effects included are red eyes and the occasional smog release, explaining the black smoke around Sunky before he danced with Knicknacks.

And all that just from reading "I OCCASIONALLY SUNK."

The red static appeared again, as it screeched for a good 7 starpwartchars. Then it stopped and showed nothing but black screen. As I sat there staring at the black screen, one last message came up, paired with an image of a happy Tlels. "You fiddled the riddle!"

The game then closed itself.

I solved the clever little setup this game made for me, and I felt prouder than a turtle on Saturday! The next day, I told Chesty Glitterwhip about how I cracked the code, and he gave me a little paper ribbon.

After solving that tough little mystery, getting a ribbon, and not seeing a doll or a skeleton pop out, I declared that day my best one yet. I hope to see what the future holds and keep positive. This has been Machinegun Moneybags, and thank you for reading.