Nitpick Archive 5

Hope Is Lost
I was originally going to add this to my next installment of SpongeBob compilations, but because the author decided to make this story long enough to be a novel by going into too much detail (in all the wrong places), adding too much wording, walk around sentences (i.e. "I was scared. Oh God I was scared. I was so super scared"), and adding too much redundancies, I was forced to give this one its own page (discluding the bonus non-SpongeBob story, of course).

Hello, my name is Nicholas.

Wow, finally, a Shittypasta where the main character isn't anonymous because MUH IDENNIDY!

'''Now, today I am going to tell you a story of what may have seemed a typical day to any normal intern, but there was NOTHING normal about today. It was my first day as an intern at Nickelodeon Studios.'''

If it was your first day how do you not know rather or not it was normal?

They picked me up after receiving my associates degree from ITT Tech.

I just paid thousands of dollars for a degree that costs more money than a house, but I'm choosing a fucking unpaid internship instead of a real job.

'''Running donuts and making coffee sucked, I can tell you that much, but it had it perks. Me being on the road of an editor, I sometimes received the opportunity to see episodes before they were "Officially" released.'''

"it had it perks" you mean it had ITS perks. Also THIS IS HOW SQUIDWARD'S SUICIDE STARTED, SO MY STORY IS GOING TO BE JUST AS GOOD RIPPING IT OFF!!!

'''Today, I was invited into the editing studio, but you see, it was odd. There was no one in there.'''

Maybe you were the first to arrive, did you ever think of that?

Normally this would cost me my internship, but oh god, I couldn't resist the urge.

Why would it cost you your internship if you were invited? Or did you invite yourself? The author probably forgot the part where they said "Today, I was invited into the editing studio".

'''As soon as I walked in, the door slammed behind me. I figured this was one of those somewhat "Cruel" pranks the editors sometimes pulled on the new guys.'''

You see, animators aren't mature adults who just want to do their job, they are immature frat boys who play childish pranks.

'''So, when the door locked, I figured this was some kind of punishment, and my heart slowly sank. My internship was in huge jeopardy.'''

Should've thought of that before breaking the rules. Also, calm the fuck down, man. If you think it is just a prank it shouldn't tense you that badly. Maybe someone didn't know you were in there and accidentally locked the door? Who the F knows?

'''Oh, they probably already knew I was here! Panicking, I ran at the door with all my force, slamming into it with all my might. Now, not to boast, but I was not the weakest guy. I had been working out for the past 3 years.'''

Sure you did, were you also in the navy? Also, good job! You broke down a door. You were fired for vandalizing the work place, dipshit!

'''But, dear lord, there was something on the other side of that door. Some force stronger then the strongest man, making sure I couldn't leave until I did what I was sent in to do.'''

Maybe you're not as strong as you thought and it was just an average run-of-the-mill door? I mean, we all know your claim of working out is an even bigger load of shit than this story.

Now, in my panic, I hadn't noticed the netbook, the chair, and the small table it was sitting on.

Apparently, they were the smallest ones in the world if you couldn't see them. You're both weak AND blind!

'''In the disk tray there was a blank CD. Usually these were editing disks, completely cherry episodes just barely leaving production.'''

Why they would bother burning a workprint instead of just finishing it on their actual equipment is anyone's guess. Even more baffling is why it isn't on a thumb drive.

'''It didn't have any markings or even a name. But something beckoned me.. something pushed me to the chair and forced me to sit. As I slowly pulled the chair back, my heart rate slowly increased. You could almost hear it in my chest. "Thump, Thump, THUMP"'''

Maybe your heart is beating faster because you take everything too seriously? Seriously dude, you're about to have a heart attack and I doubt you're even thirteen yet!

'''I slowly pushed the DVD tray shut. Without any prompt, or confirmation, it just started. Something seemed odd straight away. Normally, it would open in VLC or Windows Media Player.'''

Implying Windows Media Player works at all...

'''However, this was odd. It just opened with no video player. It seemed the computer itself was just a video player.'''

Maybe they selected the option that makes it play automatically, and the "remember this choice" option?

'''But it couldn't be. It seemed just like any normal netbook the interns or staff carried. Or was it...?'''

IT WAS A GHOOOOST!

As the title card flashed, I could immediately see my first assumption was wrong.

Care to tell us what the title card said? You bothered to tell us all this bullshit about your work, but not a detail that is actually important to the story.

'''It wasn't a cherry, or slightly edited build. They never had title cards. This was either finished, or just ready to leave production. The title card seemed odd. I had never seen anything like it. Instead of the usual "Fun" font they used that popped and seemed colorful (Of course to appeal more to children), it seemed more... gothic... something you would see in a horror film...'''

Oh yeah, because the title cards are ALWAYS cheerful and happy. Do you even watch SpongeBob, bitch?

'''The words and the title card made my heart sink farther. It had to be a joke, right? Why would someone try to scare me this terribly though? The words read, "You nosy intern, you shouldn't have come in here",'''

What is so scary about that? What if this was a part of the prank, which you initially thought this was before you decided to overreact?

'''and the usual happy bubble transition that we were all used to was gone... The text just melted down the screen, almost like blood running down a wall...'''

EVUL BLUDT! How does the author know it's blood and not ketchup or jelly?

'''and it slowly faded into the show from a couple seconds of utter silence. It transitioned into one of the familiar openings... with Spongebob slowly snoring in bed and Gary sleeping beside him on his newspaper.'''

I'm surprised there's nothing about this that scared you.

'''The blowhole of an alarm clock was there, even the bed was. I begin to feel relived, I remembered all this from when I was kid.'''

When you were a kid? So this story takes place in the future when you aren't?

'''It seemed normal but was it? Oh dear god, I was wrong. ...Forgive me, you must forgive me. I am choked up... just writing this.'''

Wussy!

'''I was expecting the blowhole to go off, and Spongebob to start his typical routine. Oh how bad that thing annoyed me as a kid.'''

Jesus man, do you have to have too much emotion and put too much thought into every little thing? I'm waiting for you to say something about the way something is colored, or that you absolutely hate a particular room in SpongeBob's house.

'''But, it didn't come.. there must have been at least just three plus minutes, of just SpongeBob snoring...'''

Sounds boring.

'''then.. something finally happened, it started to slowly pan into his face. Oh, so slowly, waiting in anticipation, just dying for something to finally happen. I would later greatly regret this decision. Oh, what I would give if it had just ended right then and there! As it finally reached deep into his face... you could clearly see his expression. It was one of horror, malice, one someone in a terrible nightmare would have...

AHHH! SPUNJBUB HAFF NIGHTMURE! Seriously dude, you need to be medicated.

his eyes, almost seemed as if they had been, stitched shut.

I wish my eyes were stitched shut so I wouldn't have to read this.

'''It then had a transition, not the usual fade to black, or the joyful bubbles. But something, all together, much more sinister. It was a fiery transition..'''

FIRE IS SCARIER THAN BLOOD!

'''By all appearances we were now in Spongebob's mind, in his dream, his nightmare. It appeared to be Bikini Bottom, oh but there was something, VERY, VERY wrong. The whole city seemed in shambles, the horizon blood red, the buildings burning...'''

I can honestly imagine this. Considering the hilariously overdone panicking the citizens of Bikini Bottom do in the actual show, this really doesn't seem too off. Maybe it's the fact that it is his dream that's making it seem weird?

Spongebob was just walking, down the road, it seemed the typical path he would normally take to the Krusty Krab.

Do we ever actually see him walk it in the show?

'''The people around him, oh dear god I still remember it. The bloodcurdling screams. At this moment, I realized that there was something very wrong.'''

I totally did NOT steal this from SuicideMouse.avi, guys!

This had no appeal to children.

Neither does this story.

Hell, most adults would find this a bit morbid at this point.

Oh yeah, most adults would TOTALLY be terrified of this.

'''At this point, I couldn't see who it was coming from, just SpongeBob walking, slowly, silently, as the screaming slowly continued, getting louder and louder... Oh god'''

OH MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO SAY "Oh god" or "Dear God"? This story probably has more "Oh god, oh god" than an over-acted porn does!

'''I saw the source of the screams. It was terrifying, horrible, inhuman. It was Patrick hammered into a stake almost like the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.'''

The only Patrick we worship around here is EVIL PATRIXXX. Also, nailed to a stake like Jesus? I'm assuming author is a Jehovah's Witness.

'''But also, his stomach, oh god, it had been torn open... his entrails slow leaking out.'''

So with Patrick being nailed down and his stomach cut open, we went from being a rip-off of Squidward's Suicide, to being a rip-off of SuicideMouse.avi, and now it's a rip-off of Laughing Jack.

'''The look on his face, seeing SpongeBob... he seemed relived for a moment. Almost as if his salvation had come.'''

Of course his salvation came, he just saw the crucifixion of Patrick Christ.

'''His eyes began to water, just staring at SpongeBob, almost beckoning. His eyes spoke for him. They screamed “Please, oh god, please help me...” We then transitioned over to SpongeBob and he now... just stood there, staring back at Patrick, watching his friend slowly suffer and die.'''

Not even giving enough of a fuck to try to save him, apparently.

Patrick then began to weep slowly, almost as if he understood something, that I the viewer, did not.

Maybe he was crying because he was dying an agonizing death?

'''SpongeBob then began to open his mouth. Slowly in a low, almost Satanic, demonic voice, he whispered... “Suffer fat one. You, this whole town brought this upon themselves...”,'''

How many SpongeBob Shitpastas have SpongeBob becoming evil?

'''and then he turned and slowly walked away. At this moment, I screamed out in horror... almost praying that someone would hear me! Someone would walk in, it would cost me my internship, but anything to end this!'''

If someone did interrupt, would you stop watching, or would you say "Shh, I'm trying to watch this!"? Seriously, turn the damn thing off if it's bothering you.

'''Now, you may find yourself thinking, “Why don't you just stand up and attempt once more to escape?” I couldn't... Something, deep down inside me told me if I moved, I would regret it.'''

That feeling inside you was probably telling you to stop watching it, but you're too stupid to know your own feelings so you thought it was telling you to resume. If that thing inside you is telling you to press on, what makes you think someone's intervention will stop you?

'''SpongeBob then continued down the road... slowly approaching the Krusty Krab... in the background you could now hear more screams. Some were horrible, bloodcurdling ones. You could tell they came from one in great agony. But, there had been one new sound thrown in, a horrible twisted laugh.'''

Back to ripping off Squidward's Suicide...

'''One of great malice. Almost as if someone had been hunting an animal and thoroughly enjoying himself all to much. You could hear them very distinctly, fading away into the background, as if they were chasing someone, something in the other direction. You could hear them... Oh, even faded it was still heart stopping, “Gahahahaha Muahahaa!!!!”'''

Gramma? No, she's not going to help you, she's dead. Maybe SpongeBob is in Hell and will meet her at some point in the episode.

'''Spongebob seemed unphased, as if he was almost used to it... you now could slowly hear clattering behind him, slowly breaking the mind numbing silence... it sounded, almost as if something was crawling slowly toward him. SpongeBob then slowly turned, as if he expected this, and as he slowly turned his face slowly came into view... His eyes. They changed. They no longer seemed to be his normal, happy, joyful looking eyes. They were blood red, and full of malice, hate, and anger.'''

Were they hyper-realistic?

'''One would expect this face from a demon. Hell, even the devil himself would find this look fitting. I myself now slowly began to weep with no end to this horror in site.'''

Site? I thought this was a video? "Sight", moron.

'''His eyes now fixed on something. It slowly transitioned over. It was Patrick.. Dear god... Oh my god, forgive me. No human should be forced to see that. His entire lower body was now missing, with his intestines slowly trailing behind him, the trail of blood behind him.'''

Yeah, because nothing gory EVER happen on SpongeBob EVER!

'''What was left of his arms had huge holes in them, almost as if something had been torn out of them. The nails. Had he ripped himself off the stake? His face slowly came up. His eyes beckoned once more to SpongeBob, but this time they said something different. He slowly began to speak and I'll never forget those words. “Kill me... please... I'm sorry... We're all sorry. Just end it please... I can't take the pain...”'''

I bet you cried over this, wussy!

'''SpongeBob responded, with a hellish tone, even worse then before. “You ask for forgiveness from me? Do you take me as your God..? You will receive no divine forgiveness from me... You see, it's my job to make you SUFFER! Burn fat one!”, and with the flick of a wrist, arms, hellish arms, seemed to just sprout from the ground and grabbed a hold of him... and tore him down, into what seemed an endless, hellish abyss.'''

This story is an endless, hellish abyss.

'''Then, SpongeBob slowly turned, as if nothing had happened. He even let out a small, evil giggle, “Hehehaha.” By this point, I had almost been wishing for the same thing to happen to me, just so I wouldn't have to see this anymore!'''

"I would rather be tortured in Hell forever than watch this episode I can turn off!" Idiot!

'''At this point I was crying so hard I almost felt like a little girl. I felt weak, empty... as if, I was about to throw up. As much as I wanted to, I just couldn't choke anything out.'''

God help him if he ever watches something actually scary and/or tearjerking!

'''SpongeBob then slowly approached, finally, the doors of the Krusty Krab. The path behind him, oh God, the usual cheery path to the entrance had stakes all along it. Into them were hammered in the corpses of our familiar favorite characters. Sandy, Mr. Krabs, Larry the Lobster, Pearl, Squidward, Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy, Mrs. Puff, and so on. And on their faces, they all too wore that expression of utter sorrow and horror. As if they had died crying in fear of what stood before them. We then transitioned back to Spongebob... who now reached for the door.'''

I have no comment on this besides "This is fucking lame!"

'''Now something happened out of this horrible, nightmarish thing I was witnessing. The whole building began to shake, almost as if during an Earthquake. The only light in the room blew out, and the power went out. I was now in the dark, alone... in this shaking building. I could hear my fellow interns flee, and the developers run out.'''

Yep, instead of running to somewhere safe like under a desk, they thought it was appropriate to go outside where they can tossed into the pavement or against the brick building. Also, lame tHe tApE dId It cliche.

Without even a second thought of where I was, you could hear there car tires squeal as they raced away.

Yep, driving is the SAFEST THING TO DO during an earthquake!

'''He now stood alone, in the Krusty Krab. All lights were out, and there was utter silence, except for a small red glow, coming from the door that usually led to the kitchen. That oh so familiar kitchen where SpongeBob usually stood making his delicacies. He began to slowly approach it. Slowly in silence.'''

Did it go as slow as the narration for this story?

'''As he reached it, he stood in front of the door, almost as if he himself didn't want to go in. Reproachfully, he slowly turned the knob and the door swung open. Oh god, how I wish I could unsee what I saw and heard. SpongeBob faced a hellish demon of indescribable horror, burning in a portal to what seemed to be hell itself. Was this the Devil? Oh god the fear that came over me in that moment as it's mouth slowly opened... “Did you make them suffer, son?”'''

You're not SpongeBob's father!

'''it asked in the most hellish tone imaginable. One of extreme rage, anger, malice, hatred. SpongeBob replied, slowly saying, almost afraid to reply, “Ye-yes Father, they cried, suffered, and burned. A feast of souls waits for you below..”'''

Apparently, the Devil doesn't know what happens under the sea, so he needs SpongeBob to report to him.

'''It replies simply “Good, son. Now back to your cage!! And begone with you!!” and at that moment, I finally threw up all over my own lap.'''

Eww!

'''Something began to emerge from SpongeBob and his body almost slowly deflated... it almost seemed to be a human. A dog. Something. Oh god, I can't even find the words... It crawled toward the Portal, and with a swift kick it's “Father” kicked it into what appeared to be hell itself. Then, it turned slowly, and looked at me, the viewer. And slowly, it mouthed something. So subtle, so quiet, but chilling to the very core. It seemed as if it was speaking to me. It said, “Oh, don't worry, your world is next, it'll suffer at your hands, as this one did at his! (It slowly transitioned over to SpongeBob, or what was left of his corpse. Just skin...) Oh, you'll all atone for what you have done. All of you... You're next..."'''

Come at me, bro.

'''And with that the computer itself slammed shut and burst into flames. As it slowly burned I could only weep at this, this horror. This couldn't be real!'''

'''“Nick! Nick! wake up!” My eyes slowly flashed open. I was in the break room on the floor. Above me stood my friend Tina, who said “ Oh thank God you're okay. You just collapsed. You've been out for about 5 minutes." My whole body was rattled, broken almost. Turning to her, I had this uncontrollable urge. Turning to Tina, I said, “Don't thank God on this day. He won't save us. He has abandoned us. His abominations. His failed creations.”'''

Fucking edgelord dumbass over here ripping off Abandoned by Disney.

Tina looked aghast, horrified.

No, she was probably looking at you like you were mentally challenged.

She ran out screaming.

She was afraid you would spazz out.

'''I quickly got up, and quietly left. And here I sit, writing my story of the day, calmly, maybe now I accept my place. And oh, I have work to do. Isn't that right, Tina? Slowly turning to her dismembered body. “You're next...” I end with this: "I am coming. I am his chosen slayer for this world. A messenger of Hell itself. And oh, I am coming for you. Each and every one of you. And, you'll never stop me... Don't try to run or hide. I'll find you..."'''

Good, come get it, bitch!

The ghoul
This one is difficult to read due to the author's apparent lack of writing skills. There is no punctuation, no clarification, and no detail whatsoever.

one day a boy was walking outside and saw a man

I'm surprised he wasn't hooded because that seems to be a theme all of these shitty stories have.

but ignored it

Why shouldn't he? Is there anything off-putting about a non-descript human being outside?

he followed him stalked him and even tried to kidnap him but he didn't let it happen

I'm assuming the man stalked the child? And why wasn't there any police or busy-bodies who could get this freak in trouble? Were they the only two people in the entire town?

Also, I'm imagining the man asking the child if he can kidnap him, and the kid saying no and walking away, leaving the old creep to hang his head in disappointment.

but he noticed the man was tall and had red eyes and no mouth and wings

So he's Slender Man with eyes and wings? Anyone else notice how often wings are portrayed as scary?

he was scared and ran home and tried to tell everyone but he couldn't they just laughed it off

Mom: Ha ha ha, that's so funny dear! You were almost kidnapped today! Ha ha ha!

and said it he was just imaging things but he knew this wasn't true he read something saying it was a mythical monster

He read somewhere. I'm not imaginative enough as an author to tell you where he read it, but he read it!

he was scared and saw that other people said it was real he looked at his window and saw it

And none of his family members notice a monster standing outside their house. Also, this part was ripped from BEN Drowned.

he was scared he saw on the page it likes to kill kids and eat them their whole body he just stared at it it's eyes went green

Is he turning into a kitty?

he waved and went into his house and said ill kill you then it went away

Because the author doesn't have enough writing skills to tell us who is who, we are left to assume who did what. And he went into his house? Who? I thought the kid was already in the house because he saw it out the window.

he brushed it off and went to sleep

Meh, someone threatened to kill me, but I'm tired so I'm going to say fuck it and go to sleep, leaving myself vulnerable to them.

but to find out later that he posted i'm coming for you guys stay safe but he didn't do that

It says he posted it, but then it says he didn't. If the author had actual writing skills, he would explain that he saw his username posted something that he didn't. Also "I'm coming for you, stay safe"? What the fuck kind of threat is that? You want them dead and safe? Which one is it? Maybe he's telling them to stay safe so nothing but him kills them? Also (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST) for posting an apparent threat. At least that is what would happen if it were in real life.

he knew it was the monster and saw it in his closet and he tried to scream but he was frozen it killed him and ate him and soon later killed his family and ate them

Great detail, Shittyauthor.

-by demonangel boi -apirl 5th

Not only did the author incorrectly credit himself by not using the appropriate template, he also misspelled the (uncapitalized) month.

The Green Eyed Hamster
I Was 16 years old to get a pet hamster 

Looking at your atrocious spelling, it seems you won't be 16 for another ten years.

i named her Maria Green she was a hamster

Yeah, we figured she was a hamster when you told us that earlier!

i feed her hamster treats at 3:12

(What I'm assuming is) 3:00 AM IS HAUNTED TIME, GUYZ! Back in my day 12:00 midnight was when spooky things were supposed to happen, but whatever.

i heard terrfiying noises under my bed

You can tell a child wrote this because they think there is a monster under their bed.

i saw a monster and i turned on the flashlight

In this author's story, flashlights magically appear if someone gets scared, apparently.

it was just nothing

You said it was a monster? Which one is it? You don't even know, shitty author!

at the morning i saw my hamster maria was in rage

She was pissed off that she was adopted by a stupid child who thinks monsters under a bed is scary.

i tried to pet her but she got possessed my demon

Since when do you have a demon, and where did you buy him? I would love to have one of my own to do my bidding and torment my enemies.

Oh, wait. Are you talking about a demon you own or the demon that possess you and makes you act stupid?

i ran into the demon she yelled at the demon DON'T POSSESS MY HAMSTER And the demon was tearing up blood and throwing up blood

Wussy ass demon! Being a demon, he has seen the depths of Hell, but for some reason weeps like an infant whenever a stupid child bitches at him. I would have grabbed that little bitch by the throat and dragged her to Hell.

i ran away and i hide under my bed

Apparently the demon is cemented to the floor and cannot chase you.

later when my older brother come in i was screaming because my hamster is angry

It seems the demon visited your hamster because he wants to find something angrier than Satan. What the fuck does an angry hamster even look like?!

he was shocked because he didn't know what are me going to do

How are me going to English? Me no know, me brain don't work right, do it?

at 3:09

Apparently this family doesn't believe in sleeping...

i heard disturbing noises and my hamster turned her half side and glowing green eye and giggling i told her are you ok maria

You asked, dear, not told. Then again, maybe it was a statement, seeing as there is no question mark.

Maria: Noooo hahaha

She's laughing but she's saying she's not ok. Next she started crying and saying she was ok, then saying she was not angry after slapping a child's ice cream cone out of his hand. Lying fucking rodent!

i was scared u almost kicked her

No dear, I almost kicked you because of the way you are murdering the English language.

she started growling and following me i called 911 to get her out of here

"Hello, police? My hamster is possessed by a demon... What? What do you mean 'Don't waste the police's time and resource on prank calls'? ... No, madame, YOU will be arrested if YOU do THIS again!"

then 911 came back he shooted maria very hard and she screaming very loud

Dang, I was hoping they would shoot her softly! What kind of stupid ass police would actually believe "My hamster has green eyes and is a demon!". She should have called a priest, but whatever.

then i kicked her and shooted her

Great. Animal cruelty, right in front of the police. That'll fly well, especially after you wasted their time with what sounds like a prank call.

then she bitted her sisters eyeballs and eat it

Since when did she have a sister? Also, all of that seems pretty excessive. Somehow bullets don't kill this ordinary hamster.

i was screaming because she died and he kicked maria and shooted her to death

"Shooted". Fucking "shooted".

my was crying that my sister died and got killed i said Im never getting a rodent ever agian

Along with that, I hope you never write another story again, or smoke any more of daddy's "green cigars".

then i was driving

Why does a 5 year old have a driver's license. Also this kind of seems random. "Wellp, my sister and hamster were just murdered. Excuse me officers, I would like to go for a nice drive around town even though I'm five years old and can't even function basic English!"

i saw she came back to life

Cliche!

Maria: Im coming

That's what that strange mailman says to the author's mommy, but only he adds "all over your face!".

Shitty cliff hanger, fuck you!

Mr widemouth
If you're expecting the famous story about the titular monster (whose name is not properly capitalized), then I got news for you. This isn't it. Despite the fact that this is supposed to be about Mr. Widemouth, the author felt it appropriate to make this yet another Jeff inspired story.

mr widemouth was a normal child

Except that his name was Mr. Widemouth.

with loveing parents but one night that all changed there was a little boy named walter

I'm surprised the author didn't just make it Randy from JtK.

he got bulleyd be cuse he had a deformaty to when he smiles his smile goes to big

Maybe he should avoid smiling then.

he went home crawled into bed and he heard a loud BANG followed by a THUD on the ground his dad had shot his mom

If my son was the main character in a sloppily written shitpasta I would go crazy and kill my wife too.

he cryed loudley but his dad had heard him crying so his dad came up the stairs he acted like he was sleeping

"I HEARD YOU CRYING, YOU LITTLE SHIT!" I imagine the dad shouting. Unfortunately, the author was in such a rush to get this story posted, they didn't care about giving us details so we have to make them up ourselves.

his dad grabed a knife and cut his sons mouth a loud scream ecoed throuhg the house hus dad left him to bleed he died befor the ambulance came

Since this is Shittycreepypastaville ambulance and police become automatically aware when someone is hurt.

his dad went to a jail and got life in prison

But later a softy pinko judge thought that a life sentence was "too cruel" so he cut his sentence to six months and a small fine.

his sons soul hants the house he was killed in so he hants as me widemouth he hides under the beds of the children then he tels them "lets go on advencher "

This looks like a fucking Trollpasta with its shitty, broken English!

dont let him trick you he will lead you to a cematery were he was later buryed but his soul coud not rest so he lures childern to his grave then killes them.

In the case of the author, it sounds like he only did the job halfway.

Corona
So, as you might have guessed by seeing the title of this story, somebody for some reason thought making a story involving the pandemic would be a good idea. They probably thought that people would be looking for stories about it, and KA-CHING they would become popular. As you might have guessed by seeing that this was found on the Creepypasta Wiki, this is nothing more than a shitty Jeff clone with the Corona virus thrown in for some stupid reason.

As I said on this story's Writer's Workshop page, this story is little else than every Jeff the Killer trope stacked together with the Corona virus thrown in as a weapon. There is literally NOTHING original about this story.

Kyle Cull was a neglected child.

How was he neglected? Well you're a darned old fool if you think the author bothered to go into detail.

His mother was a stripper and his father was a very corrupt lawyer.

That's an odd pairing, but ok.

His older brother was spoiled by Kyle's parents

"I don't care about important details like characters' names," said the author "I'm in a hurry! I want to post a story on the wiki NOW!"

and also treated Kyle badly.

Again, don't ask how. Author doesn't care about giving details.

As a result, Kyle Cull would draw pictures of the bloodied corpses of his family and he would draw himself killing his family and the other kids.

SUPR SCURY DRAWINGS, GUYZ! DAT'S EGY!

Infuriated and insulted, his family stuffed him in a box,

I would have sent that little prick to a public mental asylum. Fuck him!

and set him on fire, and locked him in the basement.

Since this is Shittycreepypastaland, fire doesn't do anything except somehow turn peoples faces white, dye their hair black, and sometimes hurts people. They had to lock him into the basement, knowing fire is apparently not deadly.

Breaking himself out of the box, Kyle grabs and puts on a hoodie, goggles, and a face mask.

"Wellp, I just got burned real badly. Instead of worrying about it, or trying to go to a hospital, I'm going to put on the most lamest, cliche driven costume imaginable." Why are those things even in the basement anyway? I'm assuming he also broke out of the basement, but since the author cannot be assed to go into detail, all we have is our imaginations.

Because his father keeps a box of dead China bats affected with the coronavirus

Woah! Where the fuck did this come from? How did he get these? Was one of his clients an illegal immigrant from China who didn't have any money, so he paid him in dead bats? WTF?! Why would he even want them?! This part is just asinine!

that he stole from his defendant

Whatever the fuck he would want with them in the first place is anyone's guess.

Kyle filled up a bunch of syringes with the coronavirus

WHERE DID THE SYRINGES COME FROM?! I'm going to imagine they are from some kind of drugs his stripper mom got in exchange for a blowjob?

grabbed a kitchen knife

It is at this moment we all know how he is going to kill his parents...

kicked the basement door open

Oh, ok. Apparently he was still in the basement. Apparently their basement is a Walmart and a hospital for him to get all these things.

and killed his brother by injecting him with the coronavirus, killing him instantly.

Apparently his brother had the shittiest immune system ever and this disease would kill him instantly. It doesn't matter anyway, if his immune system is that weak he probably would have died from a cold or a papercut. He was probably bedridden and didn't have much to live for anyway.

Then Kyle opened his parents' room, and stabbed his mother to death

Of course he stabs them to death, that's how Jeff did it!

'''waking up the father. The father then grabs a shotgun but gets stabbed in the throat and the head.'''

The stupidity of this...

Kyle then writes a message in blood: "I'm the virus."

No, but you have a virus called Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

'''then burns his house down. Kyle Cull was no longer. What stands in his place is a virus of pure evil: Corona.'''

So he became the virus? WTF is this?

Windows XP's revenge
One day, I bought this 50$ Acer

Maybe you can use it to learn basic spelling, like putting the dollar sign BEFORE the price number.

laptop from one of those sales where someone dies but doesn't have a legal rights to give to family member.

It's called an estate sell. How about using that laptop to look things up instead of making yourself look stupid. Not only would Googling it take less time than it did to explain what it is, it would have also kept you from looking like a damn fool.

I technically didn't buy it, my friend's step-dad bought it for me

Why? You two secret lovers or some shit?

and I worked for it.

Well that helps support my theory. He probably made you work your mouth for it.

'''Anyway, the laptop came with Windows XP. It had no signs of it being haunted.'''

Oh yeah, because the first thing you do when you get a computer is make sure it is not haunted.

After a month, I did something dumb to the OS that corrupted the hal.dll file.

Probably got a virus looking up obscene material that may or may not be legal.

I just factory resetted, it not that big of deal.

Great! Thanks for telling us what you did to corrupt it. Probably left that out on purpose as to avoid incriminating yourself.

After another month of trying to upgrading it so Windows 7

So Windows 7 what? You meant to write to but because of your history of not spellchecking or proof reading, you let another typo into your story. Good job!

'''I finally succeeded. Then, I upgraded it to Windows 10 after I got a notification that Windows 7 was ending support soon. After upgrading it to Windows 10, I got sick of it being very slow, (It was made in 2005)'''

You're an idiot if you think you can just upgrade your operating system without also having to upgrade your hardware!

'''I dual booted Windows 7, and Windows 10. Then, in a few months, I decided that "Hey, why not try to triple boot Windows 7, Windows 10, and Windows 95?"'''

Or better, why not just by an up-to-date computer?

'''At first, I tried to install it on another partition. It couldn't boot, so I decided it was best to start with Windows Vista and go down from there. Windows Vista was somewhat good.'''

NO, it sucked!

'''Then, I tried to install Windows XP using Easy2boot. The first step of it was fine. The second step, however, wasn't so great. It went to the Acer E-recovery management, like it wanted me to factory reset it again so it would be so again. And not to mention, it corrupted the other two Operations systems I had. All the boot manager showed was two Windows XP pros. Moral of the story: Don't install an OS if you don't know what your doing. Just don't.'''

And somehow the author thought that an idiot screwing up a computer qualified as a Creepypasta. Smh.

Alien Defense Force
I have to write this down.

No, you really don't.

'''I have no choice. I can't play games anymore and it's making me fucking angry.'''

If you get angry over not being able to play games, then your parents probably did the right thing by taking them away from you.

You want to know why?

Not really...

Because a game haunted me.

"Never heard that one before..." I say, rolling my eyes.

I don't know if it's supernatural or powered by some internet powered trickery, but thanks to a game's clever programming, it can pretty much cause my interest in computer gaming to dwindle.

This actually happened to my ex-fiance once. He got so pissed off at video games that he stopped playing them for five years. Not even joking, either.

Back around 2003-ish, when I graduated my junior year in high school, I decided to spend my hard earned cash from my terrible grocery store job on some video games.

Instead of saving up for college.

I just started to get into PC gaming after my friends told me about Half-Life, but I was hesitant to get into computer gaming, as the CIH computer virus was spreading

Yeah, because a virus from a disk you don't even own is a enough reason not to buy something you want!

thanks to a defect for demo discs for SiN, a shooter I enjoyed later on.

Anyone else find it ironic that he didn't want to buy a computer because of this game, yet later played it?

I then jumped on the PC gaming bandwagon right when the new millennium started, and with some extra dough in my wallet

The way you made it sound you were barely earning a living.

I decided to spend it all on games.

Clearly you don't have any real expenses...

To get it as cheaply as possible, I decided to go to thrift stores like Goodwill

"I have extra 'dough', but I'm going to shop at a peasant second-hand store!". Have fun buying broken merchandise! And does anyone else think that the Goodwill is a cliche store ?

'''in search of games. I found some old games like Duke Nukem and Quake, but nothing new and interesting.'''

HEY! They might not be new, but they ARE interesting!

But then out of my eye, for only 50 cents, I spotted one of those leather CD cases, and inside was a boatload of software

Instead of doing what they would normally do, the Goodwill kept the games inside instead of selling them and the wallet separately.

mostly games, but also some software for boring business stuff

Stuff you'll never need because you clearly don't want to exceed past the title of a grocery store clerk.

And best of all, all of the games we're amazing titles, from the early 90s up until today.

Up until today or up until the time this story is supposed to take place? HOLY CRAP, A CD WALLET FROM THE FUTURE!

When I got up to the cash register, the clerk started trembling at what I was about to buy.

You see, in Shittycreepypastaland, stores that sell video games and movies require their employees to take an acting class so they can act like ninnies when someone buys something "haunted".

'''I was confused, and I asked him why he was so spooked at my purchase. He told me there was a piece of software in there that can “damage my life permanently”'''

I would think that it was some kind of addictive video game.

and told me it's not worth my time.

Apparently you don't care about my time, as you are wasting it with your bullshit about MUH HAWNTED SOFTWEER!

'''I then coaxed him to get me the case, by telling him that I will ignore what is unnecessary and only play the huge amount of cool games I got in this case. I was able to buy it'''

I like how they use the word "able" like they are admitting was a struggle to get the fucking thing because of the time-wasting employee.

and the clerk broke down into a verge of tears after I bought the case.

Of course he did. Every other story has employees acting stupid when the main character buys something, so why not this one?

I was confused, but I just passed it off as him having a bad experience.

I AM NOT INSENSITIVE!

'''When I got home, I opened up the case, and for the next couple of months, I was rocking a lot of these games. First person shooters, real-time strategy games, role-playing games, weird games, a lot of stuff. Plus the guy who had the case had a chapter in the case dedicated to music, full of a lot of crazy shit from Rammstein to Slipknot. I was in for some good shit. Until about 3 months after my purchase of the case.'''

Just a warning to everyone, this story gets boring here.

'''I was about to finish up one of the FPS games in the case, when I noticed below it's sleeve, there was a burnt DVD in the case. The disc said “Alien Defense Force” and it was copyrighted in 2004, despite it being around 2003 in this timeline.'''

I KNEW THIS CD WALLET WAS FROM THE FUTURE! Seriously though, I would have assumed it was a typo or a demo for a game that was still copyright pending.

The game had no developers or anything on the disc

"It was scary when The Theater did it so it's scary now, too!"

'''just the title written in a semi-sloppy cursive font. I thought the game sounded cool, and I decided to pop it in my computer to play it.'''

NO! I thought you popped it in just for the shits and giggles!

'''The installer came up, and the graphics in the game actually look sick. It looks like a modern anime-esque art style, kind of like what Gainax or Trigger did years later. Has that kind of half-anime, half-cartoon kind of art style, pretty chibi but still normally proportioned.'''

For those of us who aren't weebs, this doesn't sound interesting at all.

The artwork shows two teens, a boy and a girl in some pretty bad ass and glittery looking space outfits, using various weapons to defeat aliens, which look like ones from Starship Troopers, if anyone remembers that.

I don't.

The game already looked like if Splatoon and Starship Troopers we're combined, it felt pretty ahead of it's time, especially in 2003.

Too bad it's ruined by MUH KAWAII ANIMU!

The game's installation took almost 3 hours, longer than any other game installation in my collection, which was weird since my computer had a pretty fast, state of the art hard drive in it, and I was on the latest update of Windows XP.

If you're using Windows XP then you're going to have to use DOSBox to run those old games. Just sayin'...

'''But after 3 hours, the game finally installed, and I was ready to experience the game. I already saw screenshots while the game was installing, and it looked really amazing, like a more anime version of Unreal or Serious Sam.'''

Stop with the weeb shit, son!

I opened up the game and the main menu appeared.

This is where it gets REALLY boring.

'''The menu had an image of the two characters from the start of the installer, with more details added in since it was a wallpaper-like image than a side image, and the music was really amazing. Very poppy, chiptuney, but still badass since there were some elements of industrial and breakbeat in there.'''

You think Wheels on the Bus is a hardcore rock song, don't you author?

I checked the About box to see who made the game, with no developer sighted, but with a bit of text below the copyright date saying “Alpha Build – Expect Glitches – Use Cheats If Necessary”,

The first thing the programmers would have done was credit themselves, but ok.

'''so I knew something like that would come in handy later. I selected new game, and proceeded with the first level.'''

The game's plot is about two teenagers, doing typical 2000's teens stuff, like playing arcade games, eating sushi, etc.

"They were eating their weeb food sushi, because I'm a huge anime fan! I like obscure ones that I only think are obscure because my friends don't watch them!"

Suddenly, the middle of their city gets nuked

Oh dear God! A GAME ABOUT HIROSHIMA!

'''by a laser from above, showing aliens planning to destroy Earth. Quickly, the teens beg a government agency to let them destroy the aliens'''

Apparently, there is no official alien hunting agency, so the world's governments just let whoever wants to, including children, put on expensive space suits and brandish expensive weapons, and take them on an expensive trip to space without any formal training.

'''since that would be “hip and cool”. They say yes, and the teens suit up with their spacesuits and weapons, and proceed to launch themselves to the huge, planet-sized alien ship that was firing their lasers at earth.'''

I played the game for a good solid 2 hours, feeling very amazed by it's wacky weapons selection among other things.

Show, don't tell.

The game was very fast paced, like Quake or Serious Sam,

I like name dropping!

and the weapons feel very anime-like,

Dude, just stop!

but also with some more traditional aspects to them.

Like what we are never told.

'''I was getting good at this game, until I reached the 2nd chapter of the game. Suddenly, the enemies were kicking my ass, mainly due to the game introducing more stronger aliens, combined with a lower amount of health packs. I was getting frustrated, I wanted to punch a wall, or punch someone in the face till they bleed,'''

"HURR DURR! I want to physically harm another human being who didn't do anything because of my fucking weeb animu game!" said the biggest moron ever.

'''but I knew I didn't want to give up. I tried my best, as best as I could, but it was near impossible. Judging by the game having no sign of a developer, combined on what I saw on the main menu, and it's obvious this game was far from finished. Hesitant to finish it, and knowing this game was an alpha build, I saved the game, exited it, and checked the contents of the installation files for any text files or anything involving cheats. Eventually in some oddly named debug folder called “sacrifices” I found a text file named “cheats.txt”, that contains all of the cheats.'''

How do you know that was all of them?

'''All of them we're console commands, and I had to hold down Alt-Y to open it. The cheats file contained a lot of info, like getting weird weapons among other debug and joke stuff, among the more important cheats, like invincibility and infinite ammo. I took a screenshot of my desktop with the folder and cheats.txt as evidence later.'''

Note that he actually posted these pictures, I was just too lazy and hated this story too much to upload it here. As I pointed out on this story's Writer's Workshop page, it is kind of irritating that they took a picture of the fucking text file, but not of the game. (Yes, I know it's not a real game, calm down y'all!)

Knowing I now had confidence thanks to me finding the cheats, I started back up my game with the save file.

Before I tried out the cheats, I tried doing the hard level again to see if I still sucked at it, and behold, I still sucked at it.

I would laugh my ass off if it was on cheat mode!

'''I pressed Alt-Y to open up the console, and up came a separate blank window, which had a top bar resembling that of the early Mac OS computers. I then put in the invincibility cheat “BecomeGodlyBeing -true” and the console responded with “You are a god!”, and then inserting the cheat “GiveMeTheLordsWeapons -true” and the console again responded with “You have all the ammo in the world!” I then went back into the game, and I was able to get through the level, which made me happy.'''

I want to destroy your happiness by pointing out that you cheated, and therefore did not actually accomplish anything.

'''However, I was starting to notice graphical glitches in the game. It's almost like if dead pixels on my monitor were starting to work again, only for more to fail, like if black snow was appearing on my screen.'''

STATIC IS SCURY! Also, this game is supposed to be unfinished, of course it has glitches, stupid!

I just scrubbed it off as just my monitor being a bit wonky, it is a bit old and dusty, so I continued.

"iT wAs JuSt A gLiTcH!" shrieked Tom's brother.

I then reached the first boss, this Xenomorph looking thing that wasn't even that scary,

Neither is this story, but I'm trudging through it.

'''and I couldn't aim my guns at the boss. It was hard to kill, despite me being invincible and having good ammo. I checked the cheats text file, and noticed a cheat for aiming accurately at the first boss,'''

Instead of programming a cheat code, they should have just fixed this.

as his speeds were quick due to a bug.

You're not a programmer yet somehow you can tell when something is a bug rather than sloppy game design... U R SOO SMRT!

Quickly before I put in the cheat, I screencapped the console box to show proof to the people later on about this game

"I'm going to take a picture of an easily shopped text screen instead of the actual game 4 proof, u guyz!"

'''you can see it here. I inputted'''

"Inputted" fucking "inputted".

the cheat “DehumanizeInnocenceAim -true” and the console responded with “Better Aiming for 1st Boss Enabled.” I was then starting to get a little nerved at the console commands, as they were all named very horrifyingly and creepy

OOOH! SOOOOOOO SCURY!

but it might've been an in-joke the developer made up, so I calmed my self

These cheat names aren't even creepy! God have mercy on this poor boy's soul if he ever discovers anything actually scary.

'''and prepared to finally beat the 1st boss. I was able to aim very accurately at the boss now, and I was able to defeat it. When I killed the boss, an extremely loud burst of white noise came out of my headphones, at the point were my ears were almost deaf. '''

LOUD NOISES ARE SCURY!

I was extremely confused on what happened, but I felt like the game was still unfinished, and they might've used white noise or some generic synth noises as temporary audio files.

Or maybe it was some kind of corruption...

Then again, it was extremely loud despite my computer's volume being pretty low, so something was up.

Oh yeah, it was a huge conspiracy!

I then proceeded to go back to the game, and proceed with the next chapter of the game.

'''I entered the alien's spaceship, and noticed a boatload of enemies, however something was off. The wall's textures were extremely low quality and blurry'''

What part of UNFINISHED GAME does your ears refuse to hear? GAME! IS! NOT! FINISHED,! BITCH!

'''compared to the rest of the game, the aliens had no textures, all were colored in a very dark, but still light gray. And all of the sound effects were very staticy,'''

Oh no! STATIC IS SOOOO SCARY! AHHH!! I personally find it soothing.

'''Worst of all, I couldn't kill any enemies, despite me being on infinite ammo and having godmode enabled. But I knew something was wrong when one of the aliens killed me, despite me having godmode enabled.'''

That moment when you realize you suck so badly at a game that you even get your ass kicked on cheat mode...

'''I looked at the big list of cheats once again, and saw a cheat for fixing the 3rd chapter's issues called “SacrificeThySoulChap3 -true”. I inputted the cheat into the console, and then I heard what sounded like someone screaming, I wasn't sure, but the game crashed, and I was back on my desktop.'''

Unfinished UNFINISHED UNFINISHED UNFINISHED UNFINISHED!!!!

'''I tried to reopen the game, but Windows told me the file couldn't be found. Going to my Program Files folder, the game, for some reason, deleted itself. I was confused why it did this, was the game haunted by some spiritual being?'''

Oh yeah, that's THE most rational conclusion. "Fucking ghosts did it!". I would have assumed it was some kind of beta that was programmed to delete itself so testers couldn't leak it or something, but that would be logical.

Was the developer going mad crazy and implemented these disturbing bugs in the game, even making it worse when you inputted cheats?

Dude, you're breathing too much into this.

Or was the game just extremely glitchy?

nO, iT wAs GhOsTs.exe!!!!

'''I thought I learned from the Goodwill clerk not to play the game, but I didn't listen from him, and I assimilated myself to this game. I ignored it, and for the next couple of years, I dared not to install it again after what I just witnessed.'''

"A GAME DELETING ITSELF IS THE SCARIEST THING EVER, YOU GUYZ!"

'''Fast forward to today, and PC gaming is still my passion despite that incident. '''

That TOTALLY, SUPER traumatic incident involving a game just crashing and deleting itself.

I play loads of new games, the stuff kids these days play

to prey on them, probably.

like Fortnite

Have fun playing your meme game, wagie!

among other shit.

I bet you play with shit.

However, as I was playing something, the game suddenly closed out, and my games drive got wiped for some unknown reason.

It was probably a virus from all the games you're pirating.

'''I refreshed the window, and out of my utter shock, the installation files for Alien Defense Force reappeared. I thought the game uninstalled itself ages ago on my previous computer, but for some ungodly reason, it has come back. I tried opening up Steam to reinstall something, only for it to get deleted right after installing.'''

"Something", good detail there.

I was confused what was going on, but with no fucks given, with all my will, I decided to open up Alien Defense Force after about a decade and a half of experiencing it.

It takes him years to stop being afraid of PC gaming, yet the minute the thing that scared him appears he clicks it in less than a minute! Fuck logic!

I opened up the game, and the menu was the same as before, but there was no music unlike last time, and the “Load Game” button was just a white button with black Comic Sans text on it

You can't not find that funny!

'''compared to the fancy looking buttons on the rest of the menu. I decided to click on it, and I could see my last save file from 2003. I opened it, and to my horror, I was in the 1st level of the 3rd chapter. Not just that, but now the walls' textures were glitchy'''

Probably because it's not meant to run on a modern computer.

'''going from blurry to now doing some kind of seizure inducing pattern. The enemies were now just gray, low-poly spheres instead of being their own models, and my character looked more realistic, almost like if the model was from a game released nowadays,'''

"Better technology than was available at the time maeks it scury u guize!"

'''albeit this is the same game from the same time period. The noises were all low pitched, except for the gun, which had a large amount of reverb when used. I tried to kill the enemies, but they killed me, and I tried opening up the cheats text file, only for Windows to say that the file couldn't be found, despite it being right there.'''

Maybe it was just a shortcut file and its source is missing? No, that would be logical. IT WAS GHOOOOOSTS!

'''I didn't know what the fuck to do, so I force quit the game, and shut down my computer. I then took out my laptop to find answers, only for my computer to boot on a clean installation of Windows. The computer wiped itself for no reason, but with one exception. The installation files for Alien Defense Force was there. I was going extremely crazy.'''

Get rid of it and get a new laptop. Simple.

'''I then started to think that the game had some kind of internet haunting feature, like a virus but worse, that when Alien Defense Force started to go crazy, it must've jumped onto a central server, and waited till a decade later to wipe out my computer's drive, and to reinstall it with a fresh copy of Windows alongside the game. It then would jump onto other computers I had with an active internet connection'''

Like BEN, but only worse.

'''till that's wiped. I decided to find my old laptop from the early 2010s, which had no active internet connection, and to my surprise, it worked! No sign of Windows deleting itself, and no sign of the game installing itself. I didn't want to connect to the internet till I got some modern anti-virus software up and running on my computer.'''

YOUR ANTI-VIRUS SOFTWARE IS NO MATCH FOR MY POWERFUL GHOSTS! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I just so happened to have a recent version of some good AV software on a USB stick that I had a year ago

That sounds like it was pirated, therefore even MORE virus infested...

'''since I was helping my friend with a computer issue. I took the USB stick, plugged it in, installed the anti-virus software, and decided to connect to my internet network.'''

Most anti-virus software requires you to have the internet before installing, so it can check for updates and register.

When I connected to the internet, the anti-virus detected the game trying to wipe my computer, and successfully stopped it, which made me very happy, before the computer shut itself off for no reason.

At this point, I would just get a computer and not use the internet. I would also suggest going onto console gaming, but as a computer man myself, I'm not going to.

I turned it back on, and to my horror, Windows reinstalled itself, wiped everything, and Alien Defense Force reinstalled itself.

JUST PUT THE DAMN COMPUTER DOWN AND GET ONE WITHOUT INTERNET! GOD!!!!!

I was going psychologically crazy.

You're not wrong, there has to be something psychologically wrong with you if you think trying the same thing will end with different results!

With this game haunting me, with nothing to do but to experience it's horrifying visuals and audio, while it gets rid of everything on my computer

Oh yeah, it's HAUNTING you. You MUST play it or else! It just TOTALLY will not leave you alone like it has been doing the past God-only-gives-a-fuck how many years.

I was almost getting mentally crazy.

Apparently this author has nothing going on his life except for his computers acting up!

I wanted to kill myself, or do something bad to the world, all because this game was deleting everything

"This game wiped my computer and keeps acting up, now I want to hurt an innocent human being because of it!" Dude, you should be in a mental hospital!

and everything I loved.

Everything you loved was on a computer? WTF is wrong with you? What sort of loser makes their computer their world?!

'''Especially computer gaming. I might have to stick using my smartphone for the rest of my life if this continues to happen.'''

COMPUTER-WITH-NO-INTERNET,-YOU-GODDAMN-FOOL!

Update 1:

'''This is an update that I am writing down. I am still mentally ill from what happened earlier,'''

I'll bet $50 that you're one of those people who diagnose themselves with a "mental illness". Great, let me guess, you're going to go on the Creepypasta Wiki, act like an ass, then claim your "depression' made you do it.

Also you're telling us you're writing it down, but you're not telling us how.

'''but I think life is going to get better. After I wrote everything down, I proceeded to go to my parent's house in the basement to find the leather case with the original disc in it.'''

You mean the basement in your parents' house that you probably still live in?

'''To my surprise, I was able to find it, and I sent it off to the FBI with a note attached on what happened. I should be getting a response later on.'''

Yeah, I mean it's not like the FBI has anything better to do like track down terrorists, or anything like that. I can kind of see his point since this is a threat to cyber security, but I have a feeling he did this for other reasons.

Update 2:

'''I just got back from the FBI about this game. They sacrificed someone innocent to play the game on the computer'''

Wait?! WHAT?! They "sacrificed some innocent"? Did they kill another human being just for a game? WTF?! Why would they even want to play it? Wouldn't they instead look at the game's files for clues or something? Does this story take place in some dystopian future where life's value sinks so low that the FBI just grabs people off the street and sacrifices them an a pentagram for a game?!

'''and started experiencing the stuff I experienced. Afterwards, the FBI started researching on what happened, and they came back with these results.'''

The FBI themselves, not their cyber security branch!

'''The game was developed by a lonesome developer in Utah named Bill Redwood. Bill used to work at some game company in the 90s in Washington. The FBI said it might've been an internship at Valve or Nintendo'''

I don't have much faith in Dystopian-FBI if they can't do a simple employment background check.

but they couldn't find any evidence.

So it was just a theory then? They're good enough to come up with a culprit, but not smart enough to search a person's personal records!

After Bill was fired for nearly killing one of the employees during a bar fight,

Somehow he attempted to commit murder in public without being arrested.

'''he started work on a game in his house, alongside the friends who still trust him, and started development on Alien Defense Force as a way to calm himself down. However, the game's development was plauged with issues,'''

Shittypasta logic: We can find out all this information, but not decipher rather or not what company he worked at!

And if they know who did it, why hasn't he been arrested?

'''mainly due to Bill failing to calm himself down after what happened. His anger and mental issues were secretly added into the game'''

Like the happy anime children...

from the glitchy graphics, temporary models, loud noises, and the virus.

Apparently there is no software board that this game would have to get past before being released...

The same virus that affected me, and almost gave me a simmlar mental issue to what Bill had.

No, you were just acting like a ninny.

Bill tried to spread his mental illness to me

Oh yeah, it's all about you! You're so special that Bill KNEW you would buy his game from that Goodwill store! You're sooooo special!

'''by making the game as disturbing and haunting as possible, with cheats only making it worse. The FBI then informed me that the game's final build, the build I owned, was loaned off to an anonymous individual in my area'''

If they were compitant they would know who.

'''who then packed it in a leather case full of other games. Determined to get rid of it, he sold it off in his local Goodwill he was working at, before I bought it and experienced the horror.'''

Goodwill usually tests its wears before selling them, but ok!

After Bill loaned the case off to the Goodwill employee, he shot himself, with his game development history and other info being extremely unknown to the public, until now.

Oh... so that's why they didn't arrest him!

I am writing this to show you that stuff like this is never enjoyable, even if it feels like fiction.

You're right. This story isn't enjoyable in the slightest.

I would've suffered the same fate as Bill, but the FBI was able to take down the virus's server right when I was about to go crazy

You're just playing games now! Like how in the FUCK can this just drive someone crazy? I

'''among having plans to find any copy of the game, and confiscate it for good. I will be destroying the disc'''

Why the F did the FBI return it to him?!

and if you go to Utah

No thank you!

or anywhere in my area and find another build of the game, or a similar disc, DO NOT, FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GOD, PLAY IT.

Considering the fact that it sounds boring as fuck, I definately WOULD stay away from it!

It will make you go insane.

"Or you will get so bored with it that you will pretend to have a mental illness and think about physical violence! It will make you write shitty stories!"

'''Destroy the fucking disc if you ever find one. I nearly went as insane as the developer, but I was quick enough to get help. I warn you, don't do what I just did during the past decade. I thought I was going to be in for a good treat, only for the game to treat me back with horror. I will be reinstalling the games I love alongside getting my computer checked for any remains of the virus or game, and I hope my life will get better from here. Do not research or look for Alien Defense Force, and if you find a disc of the game, or a download, OR ANYTHING... Do. Not. Play. It.'''

Thank God that's over!

The Darkfall Massacre
The sky grew darker, the weather was kinda stormy, the weather forecast said it was going to storm all day and tomorrow

Let this dreariness set the tone for how drab this story is.

the lightning was loud, it sounded like it was right next to you but it was actually outside,

I'm sure the author used up his entire "description budget" on this and will barely touch important details.

a 9 year old boy named Jerry...

... Wrote this story?

was running around the hallways of his school, he felt like something was chasing him

I sincerely hope this is a special needs school that can take care of Jerry and his hallucinations. I also hope he has enough Lightning McQueen stickers, which is used as currency among the "differently abled". I can only imagine how stupid this kid would have looked running from absolutely nothing.

he realized he was just paranoid

Making him look even more stupid. I hope that one of the men in the white coats saw this and upped his dosage of anti-psychotics.

he began to walk normal again, he saw a door that was open, he wasn’t supposed to go into the room

In reality such a room would be a teacher's lounge or a supply closet where they keep the answer sheets. Because this is a cliche driven Shitpasta, it's going to be some SUPR SPOOPY haunted, forbidden room of death. For some reason, when the school was being built, one of the parents suggested that there should be an evil room that their young'ins should pass every day. This suggestion was met with thunderous applause! Who needs books and proper equipment? OUR KIDS CAN PASS A SCARY ROOM THEY'RE NOT ALLOWED TO GO IN! HOORAY!

but he took a deep breath and walked in the room, the door slammed fast at the speed of light

Principal (who has been standing behind the door): Busted, mister! Now get back to class!

Jerry could feel chilling feelings running down his spine, Jerry saw a long creepy hallway

Apparently this school had no budget and for some reason they decided to buy a long hallway that no one would ever use.

it wasn’t a average long hallway, it was very long and very creepy, he saw a bright torch light

Apparently, this school was built over one of those "haunted" houses you can walk through around Halloween. I'm waiting for the ghost made out of a white sheet to ascend on a string.

he saw a dark creepy figure

A dark creepy figure? WOW! That totally has NOT ever been done before! So creative!

the figure appeared to be a man in his early 40’s, the torch light began to get brighter and brighter, the light revealed the man’s face, the man’s white shirt and black jeans were soaked in blood

BLOOD SCURY! I'm surprised he wasn't wearing a hoodie.

the man held a kitchen knife in his right hand

Plot twist: he is the school's butcher. I'm assuming so because he is wielding a weapon that is not very threatening.

his eyes were just pure black

Let me guess, EMPTY BLACK VOIDS WITH BLOOD/BLACK SUBSTANCE UNDER IT!!!!

his face was carved with a knife, he had a wide carved smile

Since the author didn't give any more detail about how his face was carved, I'm assuming that these were the only scars? How do you know he wasn't attacked and given a Gasglow Smile? He was probably attacked by one of the mental patients students who went to this school.

he began to cry blood, blood was going down his cheeks very fast

If he wasn't already non threatening by being a gigantic cliche, weeping like a child had made him so.

you could tell he was crying blood because it smelled funny and the tear’s colours were red.

BLOOD IS SCARY! SUPR SKURY, GUYZ!

Jerry noticed there was some blood on the man’s left hand fingers

Maybe he had been drying his blood tears before you came, Jerry-the-dumbass-mental-patient.

the man started to write something with the blood on his fingers, Jerry was frozen in terror, Jerry couldn’t move, he couldn’t even move a muscle, it was like he was paralyzed or dead

You only needed to tell us once, we're not mentally handicapped like Jerry!

he had no choice but to continue to watch the man writing on the wall with his fingers, the man was finally done, the man wrote “YOUR NEXT!”

OOOH! SOOPR SPOOPY MESSUJ! I NEBBER SEE DIS B4 ANYWERE! So the author went from the "blood writing on the wall" cliche to the "YOU'RE NEXT" cliche. I don't know why little dumbass pants-shittin' Jerry is so afraid of this guy, he doesn't seem very threatening.

Jerry read it and started to scream at the top of his lungs, Jerry had never been so terrified in his life

Redundancy is redundant!

his skin began to deteriorate, Jerry began to go bald, Jerry was vomiting blood from his mouth, intestines, his nails came off, Jerry began to cry blood

If this scares him that badly, imagine if he saw something that was actually terrifying. Apparently "YOU'RE NEXT" is the scariest thing in the world to dumb little piss-pants Jerry, who has obviously never been allowed to watch anything more graphic than Caillou.

Now I'm going to say what we're all thinking: this is a bunch of cliches piled on top of each other, and if this actually happened he would probably die.

Jerry noticed a tall man walking towards him

Every time I see "tall man" in a Shitpasta I automatically assume it's the Slender Man until I'm shown otherwise. For some reason shit-tier authors think tall men are SOOPR SPOOPY!

The tall man had a black jumpsuit on, the tall man had a long rust machete in his right hand

Can you imagine seeing such a person entering a school? Like, imagine being a mother, watching your kid as he walks from your car to the school, and think to yourself "There goes Mr. Teacherowski... OH! And there's that strange looking tall guy who carries a rusty weapon! :)" How does such a person enter a school unnoticed? Do they have a special entrance in the back? With the extra precautions schools have to take to avoid massacres, it is hardly likely that someone who clearly is not an employee can just waltz in with a machete.

Jerry tried to run away but he still couldn’t move, the tall man began to cut open his stomach, he ripped out his intestines with his bare hands, the tall man rubbed his intestines on Jerry, Jerry wanted to puke but couldn’t

Jerry couldn't puke because he would have been dead, either by having his stomach cut open and his intestines contaminated, or by dying of embarrassment over how cliche this violence in this scene is.

the torches light began to reveal the tall man’s face, Jerry screamed, the tall man’s eyes were a dark red

Were they hyper realistic and dripping blood? Prolly!

“SHADOW….” the tall man said in a quiet creepy voice

What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I'm not Shadow, he's a hedgehog and I'm a human!

the tall man reached for Jerry, Jerry screamed, louder and louder, no one could help Jerry

You see, Jerry went to a special needs school where the teachers and students were used to hearing incoherent screams, so they assumed it was just another retard "bright young student" screaming over his hallucinations.

Jerry woke up screaming, he realized he was just dreaming, he realized there was something weird on his PJ’s

He pissed his pants! LOL! Hope mommy put your rubber undies on you before tucking you in last night!

it was a red liquid that smelled funny

Apparently, in Shittycreepypastaville, blood has a loud smell.

“Jerry, you're going to be late for school!” jerry’s mom Brenda said

Jerry: "Okay, mom! I just gotta go clean my pants because I pissed the bed!"

Brenda: "God dammit, Jerry! Not again!"

Brenda and her husband Kevin never had a good relationship

Yeah, having a mentally disabled child tends to wear on a relationship.

they always fighted

"Fighted". Fucking "fighted".

Kevin was an alcoholic, he struggled with alcoholism

I assumed that he "struggled with alcoholism" when you told us he was an alcoholic. So, the author decides to be insensitive towards alcoholics by portraying them as a bunch of assholes without showing any kind of sympathy. Ironically, he would later claim that this was a story that was supposed to help alcoholics find hope (no joking, either!).

Kevin dislocated Jerry’s arm when Jerry was 4

And here comes the abusive parents cliche that we all knew were coming... Apparently Child Protective Services doesn't exist in Shittycreepypastaville.

Jerry, Brenda and Kevin were at a Burger restaurant, Jerry was being very clumsy, Jerry climbed on top of a table, Kevin tried to get Jerry off the table but Jerry slapped Kevin across the face,

If this happened anywhere besides Shittycreepypastaville, some busybody would call the police.

Kevin went too far and pulled on Jerry’s arm too hard

He was probably trying to get his son off of the table and accidentally, rather than going "too far", pulled harder than he intended. The fucking victim complex on this little monkey is astounding.

Kevin was trying to get Jerry off the table but accidentally dislocated Jerry’s arm

The little bastard-monkey was probably resisting and his father had to use extra force.

Kevin promised Brenda he would never hurt Jerry again, Brenda thought it was purely just a accident

Obviously it was.

but Kevin enjoyed it a little too much, “C’mon, we have to go now!” Brenda said, before Brenda and Jerry went into Brenda’s car he saw in the newspaper a single father and a young boy being brutally killed, the boy’s mom hanged herself due to her severe depression years ago,

Since there was no transition, we are left to assume Jerry is still four years old. How and why a young child would be interested in a newspaper? And that sounds like an awful lot of information. Did she kill herself mere seconds after the murder? Did the newspaper decide to wait until she killed herself to print the story? Who the F knows?

“Who would do that?” Jerry thought, Brenda and Jerry ran into the car, put there seat belts on and drove at the speed of light

Then she got into a huge car accident which killed little asshole Jerry. With the little mental case that strained their relationship dead, Brenda and Kevin's relationship improved and they had another child, who was mentally stable.

Jerry was late for school

Apparently the author does not believe in transitioning, so we were left to assume where the flashback of "abuse" ended.

Jerry was expelled from his last school

It was probably a school for normally abled children, but the teachers thought it would in Jerry's best interest if he was placed in special ed.

Jerry was a loner and was picked on

IM BULLEED AND ABOOSED! Jesus fucking Christ, why does EVERY shitpasta have to be Jeff inspired!

one day Jerry had enough, two bullies tried to beat up Jerry but Jerry very violently fought back against the bullies

He attacked one while the others politely waited their turns to be thrashed, apparently.

he slammed one of there head’s into the wall causing a cracked skull and choked out the other one out till he passed out, there was bruises all over the two bullies

By "bullies" the author means people who accidentally stepped on his Lightning McQueen stickers.

Jerry was expelled from the school, the bullies parents threaten to press charges but didn’t when they found out what actually happened

Ok. First of all, why didn't anyone call the police on this little asshole? Due to the severity of the sustained injuries, the police probably would have hauled him in even if the victim's parents didn't want them to. Second, what kind of shitty parents would go "Yeah, you seriously injured my child, but I'm not going to have you arrested because they stepped on your Cars stickers!" WTF! They sound even worse than Kevin!

the school board didn’t care what happened and expelled Jerry

Which one is it? Did they not care, or did they expel him? If they didn't care, they would have just turned a blind eye and allow him to continue... you know, what the fuck ever!

the other bullies weren’t expelled and were aloud to go back to school, the bullies didn’t even get a punishment.

Maybe because they were brutally assaulted! Jesus the victim complex this author has for little asshole Jerry!

Brenda dropped off Jerry when they arrived at his school, it was Jerry’s second day of school, Jerry got out of the car, Brenda drove away, she trusted her son wouldn’t skip school because he was a loner and wouldn’t do much if he skipped school anyway,

What an odd thing to think, but ok.

Jerry heard something behind him, he turned around quick and he saw across the street a middle aged married couple and a shy kid

Jerry has an odd attention span and pays close attention to marginal shit.

The kid had something in his pocket

This doesn't sound suggestive at all!

The kid pulled out a kitchen knife from his pocket, the kid began to stab his father over and over again, after stabbing his father he stabbed his mother till she died,

You see, violence is common in Shittycreepypastaville, so the child neither got into trouble, nor did he care rather or not there were witnesses.

Jerry’s mouth dropped, his mouth was wide open, he closed his eyes and shook his head, after he opened his eyes he didn’t see the couple or kid anymore.

He probably hallucinated the whole thing. Fucking nutcase!

Jerry didn’t want to go to school because he has been seeing strange things

"Jerry isn't insane and hallucinating this stuff u guyz!" Seriously, did the author actually not realize that people would think Jerry was a little bit "special"?

the school does have a tragic and dark history, in 2012 a psychopathic man shot up the school

As if abuse and bullying wasn't enough, the author felt it was appropriate to be unsympathetic towards shooting victims and insert it into his story. I'm sure rape is going to pop up somewhere.

he killed dozens of kids with his double barrel shotgun, he killed the principal of the school with an axe

Kind of excessive, but ok.

he hung himself after killing dozens of kids, there are rumors about why he shot up the school and killed dozens of kids

Stupid People: "vIdEo GaMeS mAdE hIm Do It!" Ignoring the fact that they can simply refuse to buy their children violent video games anyway...

some believe he was possessed by the devil

UH-UH-UH! You're not allowed to say "devil" in school!

some think he suffered a mental break down and most believe he was just pure evil, students in the school commited suicide, kid’s claim they saw the ghost of the psychopathic man

The only psychotic man I'm seeing in this story is Jerry.

The students of the school claim he is a demon that is called “Shadow”,

Hey! Just because Shadow the Hedgehog's game sucked ass doesn't make him a demon!

they also claim Shadow comes after the students and their families and convinces them to murder and commit suicide.

There is no way in Hell readers aren't thinking of Shadow the Hedgehog. Author probably figures "Why not? I already ripped off Squidward's Suicide, Jeff the Killer, and Flames of the Past. Might as well rip off Sonic.exe by having an evil hedgehog!"

Jerry entered the school, the school was old, it has been around since the 1930’s,

Soooo old!

Apparently it used to be an old torture facility back in the 1600’s.

WTF?! Why wasn't it demolished or turned into some kind of museum! Even then, I doubt the staff would keep any of the devices, unless to use them as an educational tool.

Jerry continued walking down the hallway, the hallway reminded him of the nightmare he had, he made a turn left, his classroom was down the hallway, he stopped, he was still

Most authors don't give enough detail. This one thinks we need to told every little unimportant detail.

he saw the room he wasn’t supposed to go into, teachers, staff and the principal were strict never to go in there

It's the room where they keep the meds and Cars stickers.

the door was locked like it always was, Jerry ignored the room and continued walking down the hallway, he made it into his classroom,

“Jerry, where were you?” the teacher asked, “Sorry, I slept in.” Jerry replied.

Jerry sat down at his desk, the teacher was teaching simple and easy math,

Apparently the teacher didn't give a fuck about this tardiness and just continued teaching without issuing a warning.

He felt something touching his leg, he looked down and the same man he saw in the dream, the man had a carved smile and his clothes were soaked in blood,

What was he doing under the desk? Waiting to suck Jerry's dick? I imagine him crawling under the desk, which his fat lifts off the ground, and him covering his eyes in hiding. The teacher and other students only watch, but say nothing.

“Stay away….” the man said

No, YOU stay away! You're the one crawling under people's desks for no reason other than to bother them when they're trying to learn, with pointless messages.

Jerry looked in his desk and grabbed a pencil

"Yeah, there's this creepy fuck under my desk, but I'm not going to bother the teacher who seems not to get angry over anything about it."

he didn’t want to look down, he went deeper and deeper with the pencil, he continued going stabbing into the man’s skin

Since, in this story, nobody fights back when they are attacked, this moron just lay still and let some dumb little psychopath stab him with a pencil.

he felt a pain, he didn’t want to look down but he got brave and looked down, Jerry stabbed himself in the leg with his pencil, the man was gone,

HA HA HA HA HA HA! Since this is (as I'm imagining) a special needs school, Jerry is accused of harming himself! He is forced to stay a month in a child's psychiatric ward!

Jerry cleared his mind and continued listening to the teacher’s instructions.

"Yeah, I just stabbed myself with a dirty pencil, and potentailly gave myself graphite poisoning, but I'm going to ignore it." IDIOT!

Kevin was working at a DVD store, he was usually always treated very bad

Unfortunately, most retail workers (and fastfood workers for that matter) usually are treated badly in real life.

Also, I am once again say what everyone else is thinking: how in the fuck is there still a DVD store opened? We're in a time where streaming and over night shipping from Amazon exist, and where most grocery stores sell movies.

it was one of the main reasons he drank was to forget what the terrible things people said

Like "I'd like to rent the Twilight saga, please."

He felt a compulsive feeling to beat up the ones who were always mean to him

What?! Who is being mean to him, and why? This is a video store, there is no reason to get mean with him. Yeah, people do it anyway because they're assholes, but it's not like a fast food joint where he gets a beat down just because the chef forgot the extra sauce. What do they do go "THIS BLU RAY DIDN'T PLAY ON MY DVD PLAYER YOU FUCKER!"? Seeing how thin skinned he is, it is no wonder Jerry is such a little bitch!

Kevin has always been treated badly since he was a kid, he was bullied in school

Of course he was. The only characters who exist in the Shitpasta universe are bullies and their prey.

his bully Jackson entered the store with his friend Billy, they both bullied Kevin since all 3 of them were in kindergarten.

I don't know why, but there is something about this sounds ridiculous and childlike.

“Hey, retard, is your kid dead yet.” Jackson said

This enraged Kevin. Not for the obvious reasons, but he too wanted Jerry to die, and grew increasingly angry with each day he was alive.

what Jackson meant by that is Jerry dead yet because Brenda and Kevin struggle to support their kid because there poor

They wouldn't be so poor if their child was normally abled, and they didn't have to pay a special needs school and heft medicine bills.

Billy threw a empty plastic soda bottle at Kevin, they both continued to bully Kevin,

Instead of calling the police, because this isn't school anymore and this is considered assault, Kevin decided to a be a good little victim. Since this is Shittycreepypastaville where people are either bullies or victims with no in between, Kevin knew retaliating would make him a bully.

“Shut up, get out of here now!” Kevin said in an intimate and deep voice

Your describing the voice as if it is erotic. Does he want them to leave so they can buy condoms and ass lube for their love nest?

Jackson crawled up on top of the counter and got onto the other side where the cash register and Kevin were, Jackson gave Kevin a hard shove.

Apparently every building, not just the schools, only have bullies and victims in them. No passersby, no students or customers, no security cameras. Just four walls, a floor, a roof, bullies, and their victims.

“Shut up, retard, we want to buy a movie” Jackson said, Kevin gave Jackson a hard look, Jackson lost his temper when Kevin gave him that look and he punched him very hard in the face

Yet I'm sure the police will automatically arrive when ShittyOC Jerry murders someone. Seriously, does the author not know how assault laws work? This type of disorderly conduct is one of the few laws that EVERY country considers unacceptable.

Kevin felt a compulsive feeling to cause harm against others again,

Who has he harmed besides his dumbass son who was monkeying around?

Kevin lost his temper, he strangled Jackson and slammed his head against the counter,

And Billy did what everyone else does when they see someone being assaulted: stand, watch, and wait for their turn.

Blood was everywhere on the counter, Billy pulled out a switchblade and had the switchblade in his right hand.

Assault, carrying a concealed weapon, assault with a weapon...

Kevin jumped over the counter and moved very fast, Billy tried to stab Kevin but missed,

So instead of giving this story any actual horror, the author felt that this should just be a boring violence fest.

Kevin grabbed Billy’s right arm and twisted it, Billy was in so much pain he dropped the switchblade, Kevin’s boss Frank saw Kevin having a fight and he lost it instantly,

'''“GET OUT, all of you, KEVIN YOU'RE FIRED”! Frank screamed at the top of his lungs,'''

So his "boss" (the manager maybe?) was there all along and did nothing? And what did he fire him for? Defending himself? Since Shittycreepypastaville is a cartoon, every boss is Mr. Slate from the Flintstones.

Kevin had never heard his boss scream that loud, Frank would yell at Kevin for anything he did, Frank did it on purpose because he disliked Kevin, everyone disliked Kevin,

I dislike Kevin because he is responsible for the birth of a little shitnut named Jerry.

Kevin raged and threw a couple dvd’s at Frank, after he was done throwing dvd’s he stormed out of the store.

He wasn't afraid to do so either, because laws don't exist in Shittycreepypastaville. Therefore, Kevin could not be arrested for assaulting his boss or face any vandalism and/or destruction of property charges.

School was done today, Jerry exited the school and quickly saw his mother’s blue car, He approached his mom’s car and got into it,

Then I pressed the S key, then the c key, then the h key, then the o key twice, then the l key, and I spelled "school". Detail is virtually nonexistent when things happen, but we need to know exactly how wet Jerry's farts are.

“How was your day?” Brenda asked, “Good” Jerry replied, Brenda alway´s asked her son how his day was to start a conversation with her son, Brenda alway´s asked because her son wouldn't talk if she didn't say anything.

Some stories suck because they lack detail. This one gives too much and points out the obvious. I'm sure the author did this on purpose to pad out the otherwise thin story. Probably one of those authors that think Creepypastas are better when they are long as fuck.

Jerry noticed something different, his mom was driving somewhere else, they lived in town but his mom was driving somewhere else

Redundancy is redundant.

Jerry realized his mother was driving to a gas station because her car was almost out of gas

"OH! That's why you're going somewhere different! To get gas!" Stop over analyzing everything, Jerald!

¨Hi, i´m just gonna fill up my car with gas.” Brenda said, Brenda got out of her car,

Who the fuck says hi to their son who has been sitting right next to them for an entire car ride? An idiot, that's who.

She noticed her son seemed very depressed, she was used to her son being depressed but he seemed more depressed than usual

I noticed that the quarter in my pocket is slightly shinier than the one in my wallet. Apparently, this is a town full of people who over analyze everything. Maybe that's why they all hate each other. They somehow know what each other is thinking, and can see the germs crawling on each others' skins.

she thought it was probably because he missed his friends from his old school but the reason why her son is not talkative is because of a darker reason, Jerry couldn't get that nightmare out of his head

"I don't miss my friends! I'm bummed out over a fucking nightmare! Boo hoo!"

it was like he was stuck with it for entirety, he could see the man with the carved smile in his head, the man´s face was terrifying his black eyes were pure black, nothing else, Jerry wondered if the dream was a threat or a warning

It's a prophecy! Jerry is the chosen one! ALL HAIL OUR NEW MESSIAH JERALD CHRIST, WHO WILL BRING WORLD PEACE!

why did was the man in Jerry´s class room, Why did he say ¨Stay away¨, was Jerry hallucinating or does the man really exist.

Ha! Even the author thinks Jerry is insane.

Jerry was bored looking out the window, something caught his attention, it was the couple and the kid again, the kid was stabbing his mom and dad emotionlessly,

Dad (as he and mom stand still, while being stabbed): Ha ha ha! You little rascal, you!

Jerry screamed at the top of his lungs, he screamed louder and louder, He passed out, he looked lifeless,

His brain is dead, so his body might as well look it.

Jerry was so terrified he passed out,

God save him if he ever sees anything actually terrifying!

While he was unconscious he heard ¨Death is coming ....”, he heard a man´s voice.The voice sounded familiar, the voice said ¨Jerry, come out, come out wherever you are!¨,

"I'm in the car, stupid!"

He heard a creepy voice say ¨Shadow ....¨.

Oh no! Not the hedgehog!

It was raining blood

Nah, cherry Kool-aid!

Jerry saw the tall man again, he said ¨Shadow…”,

Yes! We know! Shadow! Can you say anything else? Is Shadow your name, and you think you're some kind of PokeMon so your name is all that you can say!

Jerry was trying to run away from the tall man, he kept saying ¨Shadow...¨,

Jerry WAS in a car, so I'm assuming this is all his pass-out nightmare?

The nice clear rivers turned into a blood river

Apparently Jerry went back in time and witnessed one of the plagues of Egypt. He did not know why or how, but he was sent back in time to watch the Exodus as it happens.

the grass was replaced with intestines,

SUPR SKURY!

Jerry saw a herd of people

People are sheep, they come in herds, apparently.

he walked up to them, he realized they were dead,

I'm imagining that part in LSD: Dream Emulator where you touch that woman and she falls like she is made of cardboard.

The herd roared and growled, the herd reached for Jerry

"They're dead, but they can talk and move" said the author who clearly doesn't know what death is.

Jerry ran, Jerry ran as fast as he could, he looked behind him, the herd was catching up to Jerry, Jerry saw his school uphead, everything began to spin around and around, Jerry was getting very dizzy, he felt like he needed to throw up, Jerry blacked out, he was at his school, he saw a trail of blood, he didn't know what to do, he decided to follow the trail of blood, he followed it, the trail was going left, Jerry turned left, Jerry stopped,

RANDOM IMAGERY IS SCURY, GUYZ!

The trail lead to the locked room Jerry wasn't supposed to go into, the door opened slowly and the door creaked louder and louder, Jerry heard something breathing heavily,

Most nightmare ever!

A tall demon grabbed Jerry and pulled Jerry into the room and shut the door behind it, The demon was very tall, the demon had bright red eyes, black skin and sharp teeth sharper than knives, the demon ripped open Jerry and started eating his intestines,

Apparently the intestines are the only body parts the author knows.

The demon had a taste for human blood,

I'm surprised Jerry is human and not some kind of god.

the demon enjoyed every piece of Jerry´s intestines, the demon dug deep into Jerry's neck with it´s sharp teeth.

Jerry woke up screaming in his mom´s car, his mom was right next to him

HA HA HA HA! YOU LOOK LIKE A DUMBASS! Probably pissed yourself again, didn't you you little shit?

she was crying, tears were coming down her cheeks fast

I'm sooo glad the tears weren't blood! That would be sooooo scary! She was probably crying because she realized what deadbrain her son is.

it was the first time Jerry had ever seen his mom cry, ¨Thank god, you're okay!!¨ Brenda said, Brenda was so scared because her son was screaming at the top of his lungs,

What, you mean she hasn't realized he is mentally challenged yet?

Jerry seemed to be choking but he was choking on nothing

Saliva, probably.

Brenda hugged Jerry a lot harder than she usually did because she was so anxious what was happening to her son

"Dearest Brenda. Your son is mentally challenged and has hallucinogenic nightmares. Regards, Ned."

she knew he was just having a bad dream but the way her son was acting wasn't normal.

Sometimes Jerry does things differently, because Jerry has...

Kevin was chugging down a bottle of vodka at his house, he hated the taste but it was the only alcohol drink in his house, the taste of vodka burned his throat as it was going down his throat, he was just desperate to get drunk, alcohol to Kevin was like his god,

After drinking too much, he prays to the porcelain god in the bathroom.

It always cheered him up no matter what, Kevin started drinking when he was only 12, His parents got a devorce and he didn't know how to handle it so he stole alcohol from his mother, he drank large amounts of alcohol and still does to this day,

Oh no! A divorce! I understand how that can be distressing to a child, but for fuck's sake!

His favourite drink was a nice cold beer, it was the only alcohol he could drink without mixing it with soda, energy drinks or juice, Kevin finally passed out after chugging a bottle of vodka, Kevin could chug down a lot more alcohol but he felt like he only needed a bottle of vodka to cheer him up, he was angry and very depressed because he was fired, he just wanted revenge but he knew he couldn't get away with it.

Why not? Who is going to stop him?

Kevin woke up to the sound of something coming from outside, he heard something breathing heavily, Kevin was still on his cough, he felt pretty intoxicated but managed to stand up after struggling to stand up due to the high amount of alcohol in his system,

A tall man slowly walked towards Kevin, the tall man walked closer and closer,

So after boring us with details of Kevin's alcoholism, the tall man appears out of nowhere.

¨you must give those two a taste of your medicine...¨ the tall man said in a deep and terrifying voice, ¨WHO ARE U!?¨

The author wants us to take him seriously, yet he uses U instead of typing "YOU".

Kevin asked, Kevin was confused what the tall man meant by ¨A taste of your medicine¨, 

¨ My name is shadow¨ the tall man replied, the tall man vanished into thin air

THAT DIDN'T ANSWER HIS QUESTION, YOU LITTLE PRICK!

Kevin was confused about what just happened, was it the alcohol or was it real, Kevin fell back onto the couch, he got comfortable again, he closed his eyes and instantly fell asleep, the tall man is the ghost of a psychopathic man who shot up the school,

We already established that, but ok.

It wasn't the first murders that happened in the school, In the 60´s a group of satanist murdered dozens of students and 3 teachers,

Satanism in the 1950s. Let that sink in...

The group killed people and ate their livers and intestines to worship the devil,

Satanists...? Worship the devil...? You don't know a damn thing about Satanism, do you?

The group were from the school, the members were 7th and 8th graders,

Then the author has nothing to worry about.

The school went up from kindergarten to grade 8, the leader of the group was a sadistic violent satanic person, from the outside he looked and acted like a nice, good and well behavioured kid but inside he enjoyed the pleasure of violence and secretly led a cult of satanic kids, students, staff, teachers and principals commit suicide

Wow. I mean, I knew public schools did a bunch of stupid shit for the sake of inclusion, but this is kind of taking it a step too far. Also, unrealistic as fuck!

and still do to this day, adults who went to that school ended up alcoholics, teachers, staff and principals end up the same, they claim the school is pure evil, dozens of students have attempted to burn down the school but they fail because town is surrounded with cops ever since the shooting of 2012

Oh, so that's where the police are instead of arresting dangerous citizens!

Brenda didn´t want Jerry to have to go to the school because the dark history of the school but there was no other school he could go to in town,

I would suggest homeschooling, but that would require being around the little fucknut and having to deal with his mental breakdowns. There were probably more schools, they just didn't accept mentally handicapped children.

Brenda couldn´t just move to another town because she is poor, even Brenda and Kevin´s money combined but is still not a lot.

But this is Shittycreepypastaville where people can just up and leave whenever they want to!

Brenda and Kevin didn't even have a vehicle because if they bought one they wouldn't be able to support Jerry

THEN WHAT WAS BRENDA DRIVING AROUND IN THAT NEEDED GAS?! Jesus author, get it together man!

when Brenda was pregnant with Jerry she wanted to send Jerry out for adoption because there lack of money

Which would have been the responsible thing to do. Actually, not getting pregnant at all if you're that poor would have been the responsible thing to do (diapers cost hundreds a month, condoms only cost about $15).

Kevin convinced Brenda enough to not send Jerry out for adoption

Kevin: "Wife! No! We can get money from the state for having a child!"

if Jerry was a girl Brenda would´ve named Jerry ¨Amy¨, Amy is her mother´s name and Jerry is her father´s name,

This is pointless filler, world building, and information. It has absolutely nothing to do with this story. Next you'll tell us how many hairs Jerry has on his head.

Kevin stopped drinking heavily and got a job to help support their child who was coming soon, before Kevin didn't have a job, he was a violent drunk, only Brenda had a job,

We are never told what this job is, but because this is Shittycreepypastaland she was probably a prostitute, or worked at the GameStop selling haunted games.

They both met at a store and they just clicked, after they dated for 4 years Kevin proposed to Brenda and they got married, after just 6 month´s in there marriage and it's already falling apart, Brenda just couldn´t devorce Kevin, she would always love him,

How it was falling apart is left up to the reader to decide. This has nothing to do with our lord and savior Jerry Christ, so the author doesn't care about detail.

'''Brenda didn´t know Kevin had a drinking problem until they got married. Kevin opened up to her about it after years of hiding his alcohol dependency.'''

I swear to God if the author starts telling us about Jerry's grandparents, and which of his ancestors was the first to arrive on American soil...

Brenda arrived home with Jerry, ¨Jerry, I want you to lay down tonight, ok?¨ Brenda said,

¨okay.” Jerry replied, Brenda was going to the living room to watch something on tv,

Instead of being a Creepypasta (a short internet horror story), the author felt that a drama novel would be much more fun to write. Like I said, I'm pretty sure this is all filler he added to keep this story from being finished within five minutes.

But she was disgusted by her husband, she saw the empty bottle of vodka next to him,

¨GET UP!, why are you home early?¨ Brenda asked, ¨Fired...¨”Kevin replied, 

Wow! What got her so angry all of the sudden! Did it just hit her he should be at work?

It was hard for Kevin to speak or even get up because he was very intoxicated from the alcohol, Brenda burst out in anger and tears, ¨You said you were going to keep a job to support me and Jerry and also stop drinking so damn much!!!¨Brenda shouted,

"I WOULDN'T HAVE TO DRINK SO MUCH IF IT WASN'T THE ONLY THING THAT MADE YOU LOOK PRETTY! TRY SOME MAKE-UP LIKE BEFORE WE WERE MARRIED!"

She had every right to be angry, it was going to be a bigger struggle to support Jerry than it already is, both of them were already very poor, Brenda was on a 35 dollar budget on groceries

Good luck surviving on that! Apparently, this couple doesn't know about welfare or any social programs that could help them.

she had to be wise what she picked, one time she got more sugary foods than healthy foods

It's common knowledge that poor people tend to be more obese than better off people because these "foods" are cheaper. They also clearly never thought to start growing their own vegetables to save money.

all 3 of them were eating just junk food because they ran out of healthy food in just 3 days

They must not be too poor if they can afford both healthy foods and junk. Also, this too is unnecessary detail that has nothing to do with the overall story. Just more pointless filler.

from that day Brenda had to be very wise what she picked,

Too bad she didn't do the same thing when it came to picking a spouse.

Brenda left the room in tears, she went to her and Kevin´s bedroom, she shut the door and locked it, she opened a window, she went in her dwore and picked up a pack of cigarettes, she pulled one out and picked out a red lighter from the drawer, She put a cigarette in her mouth and lit the cigarette with no hesitation,

Since Lord Jerry's parents are idiots, they have a stressful food budget yet buy alcohol and tobacco.

She felt pleasured after taking a long puff of a cigarette, her stress was relieved instantly, she felt tears run down her cheeks, her anger towards Kevin was so severe she felt like she could kill her husband and not feel ashamed

Lady, he got fired, it's not like he punched you in the stomach while you were pregnant.

the only other time she was that angry was when Kevin dislocated Jerry´s arm

You said she brushed it off as an accident! Which one is it?!

Brenda walked up to the window and was about to throw the cigarette out the window but saw something outside the window, She couldn't move a muscle because how scared she was, she saw a dark figure with an axe

A figure...? Oh! That's right! This is a horror story about a figure! Sorry, I forgot, we were too busy reading about how dysfunctional Jerry Christ's family is.

the figure said in a creepy voice ¨B**CHES GET STITCHES!¨,

Then Brenda laughed at this hilarious phrase. Bitches get stitches, and so do snitches. The author, for some reason, for some reason felt it was appropriate to censor "bad" words. We have all this violence and family dysfunction, BUT DON'T YOU DARE SAY BITCHES!

the figure laughed louder and louder, the figure had a dark psychopathic humour

That's why he said something funny instead of scary.

it was like she has seen the figure before, like she sees the figure everyday.

Anyone with basic writing skills would have worded this better.

The figure faded away into thin air

This creature doesn't seem very threatening. He only appears just to scare people and occasionally say his own name, then vanishes into thin air.

it was like the figure never really existed

He does very little impact, so he might as well not exist.

she wondered if she was hallucinating, she threw the cigarette out the window,

I THOUGHT SHE ALREADY THREW IT! Get your shit together, author!

she shutted the window, she heard her son knocking on the dark brown bedroom wood door, she immediately put the lighter and pack of cigarettes back in the drawer, she hated smoking around her son, she had no reason to feel ashamed or hide her smoking habit,

She is probably trying to keep lighters and flammable objects away from her lunatic son, as per the psychiatrist's request.

Her son knew about her smoking habits all his life, he stopped begging his mom to quit when she snapped at him, she didn't mean to snap,

She was just tired of hearing "Mom! Mom! Mom! Quit smoking, mom! Mom! Mooommy!"

she was already in a stressed out mood after she had a fight with Kevin

JESUS CHRIST AUTHOR, WE DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT THIS SHIT! THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A CREEPYPASTA, NOT A WHITE TRASH FAMILY DRAMA!

they had a fight because Kevin faked a flu to stay home from work so he could get drunk

Is there anyone whose father HASN'T done this?

Brenda got home a few hours early and walked in on Kevin chugging a bottle of red wine, they had a huge argument, it ended when Kevin gave Brenda a hard shove and exited the house angrily, Kevin was going to go to a bar in town, the bar wasn't too fancy,

Bars don't tend to be fancy. They're dens of sin where drunkards go to pick up cheap floozies.

people mostly went to that bar because the bar had there own delicious beer, the beer wasn't too expensive, Brenda smoked the entire pack of cigarettes, Jerry saw his mother smoke all the cigarettes one by one, Jerry was naming off all the effects of smoking,

"Mommy! Smoking bad! Smoking cauze lung-cansew! Smoking smelly, mommy!" Was all poor little marginally challenged Jerry could say.

Brenda had enough and she cussed at him multiple times, she called her son a ¨C**T, S**T HEAD and a F****R,

Although we don't know the making of this story, this is what I'm sure happened. The author's parents put one of those firewalls on his computer that blocks pages with dirty words, so he had to censor them while writing this.

he cried and locked himself in his room for a few hours,

Bad decision letting someone with mental illnesses have locks on their rooms. Also, he probably would have cried if she HADN'T said any of that because he is a wussy.

Jerry still can't get those exact words out his mind, it is like that moment is on replay.

Oh yeah! It's TOTALLY the most traumatic thing any parent has ever done to their child!

Kevin was still passed out on the couch from the alcohol, he could see the tall man again,

The tall man, who probably just showed up to say his own name then vanish...

the tall man was just as tall as Kevin remembered, he had the same creepy red eyes Kevin remembered, ¨You should give those idiots a lesson, do whatever type of punishment you want,¨ the tall man said in a a low creepy deep voice, the ¨Idiots¨ the tall man was talking about Jackson and Billy, the two bullies Kevin has known all his life

I would say "Yes, we know who they are!" but most of us have forgotten them because of this long-ass white trash drama.

Kevin woke up from his dream, he heard a voice he's heard before say ¨KILL… KILL…, KILL...¨,

Those words are sooo scary! I'm surprised the author didn't censor them ("K**L.")

he went into the kitchen with a wide smile, he had a perfect idea, it wasn´t a idea that was in a normal human being´s mind, it was a darker idea, Kevin went into the drawers and he had to choose wisely, he decided not to use a knife,

Then what DID he use. We aren't told until this sentence...

He walked over to the closet and looked inside, he decided to choose a metal baseball bat, knives would´ve been too easy, he wanted something brutal, he was ready to accomplish his dark plan.

That would actually look funny: a man chasing people with a metal baseball bat.

2007…

Ten years before the author was born!

¨What is that noise coming from!?¨ the principal of the school Pam asked, Pam was very skinny for her age, a teacher went to see what it was,

Since the author didn't want to go into any detail if it doesn't concern Lord Jerry, we are left with our own imaginations to decipher the scene, and, more importantly, what the sound was. You would think the author would at least be assed enough to tell us what it sounded like, but as we've established nothing matters except God Jerry and his trashy family.

William Shadow strangled the teacher

So the thing's name is William? We would know that if the author got off his ass and told us that. Also, where did he come from? Again, details are not important unless it's how many asshairs God-Jerry has!

until she was dead, he felt a rush he couldn't explain, he felt like he just drank 10 cups of coffee, William knocked down the principals door with ax, she screamed for her life but knew she wasn't going to be saved, ¨how ya wanna die?!¨ William said in a high pitched creepy voice, please, ¨i don´t wanna die!¨ Pam cried, she was scared for her life,

YOU CAN'T WRITE THIS AND EXPECT US TO TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY, FOOL!

¨Let's play my favourite game!¨ William shouted in a happy and high pitched creepy voice, William was reaching for something in his pocket, Pam backed up,

He pulled out a video game console and forced this poor woman to play Sonic the Hedgehog 2006.

William pulled out a machete, he cut open his stomach, he went deep but not too deep,

So he killed himself? That's what it looks like, considering the fact that Pam is supposed to be a woman.

Just enough so he could get a few of his intestines,

The author's favorite body part!

he felt no pain from cutting open his stomach, he felt the joy of killing and excitement from playing his game, he grabbed Pam´s neck, his grasp was too strong for Pam to escape, William had his corpse in his other hand

Whose corpse? Your lack of proper punctuation, pronouns, and sentence structure has made it very difficult to follow what is going on!

he rubbed the blood all over Pam´s white shirt

Pam, in Shittycreepypastaville fashion, just stood there. This isn't threatening at all! This what a child would do, not a "scary" murderer!

Pam screamed and was trying to escape from the psychopath,

Psychopath? But I didn't know Jerry was there!

¨NO ONE LIKES A SORE SPORT!!!¨ William screamed

Apparently this murderer is a five year old who wipes things on other peoples clothes and whines about "sore sports". If Pam wanted this to stop, she should just put him in a time out.

William also had something in his coat, his coat had pockets that could carry

Things,

Great structuring there, author!

William pulled out one of his favourite things to kill people with, it was the old rusty small hammer,

It wasn't rusty, it was red because it was one of those rubbery toys you would give a toddler.

William hit Pam´s head and continued to smash Pam´s head with a hammer, Pam´s blood soaked Williams clothes, he laughed louder and louder.

POINTLESS VIOLENCE MAKES IT SCARY, GUYS!

PRESENT TIME…

Oh boy! I love present time! That's my favorite part of Christmas!

Kevin was stalking Billy, he was watching Billy walking his german shepherd, Billy´s dog was a cute dog who was a year old, his dog was on a leash,

Let me guess, Kevin is going to kill the dog because ANIMUL CROOLTY IS SCURY, GUYZ! As I said, I'm surprised rape isn't in this story, but if it the author would spell it "r*pe!"

Kevin was in a bush blending in with the darkness, it was night time, the sky grew more pitch black, blacker and blacker, more evil and evil, Kevin heard Shadow´s voice whispering ¨KILL, KILL, KILL ....”, Kevin crept up slowly behind Billy, he felt the adrenaline going thru his veins, he used all his strength and hit Billy´s head,

Wasn't very tactful to scream before hitting him, but whatever.

Billy´s fell instantly to the ground, his vision was blurry, he felt something dragging him,

He finally blacked out, ¨WHERE AM I!?¨ Billy screamed, he felt very uncomfortable,

He was taped to wooden chair in a abandoned house, the house was old, it smelled funny in there,he noticed something was lighting 5 candles, the light finally revealed the figure´s face and the room, it was Kevin,

No! Really? I thought it was William!

Billy saw a small table with different knives, machetes and hammers, Billy saw a black camera worth 250 dollars in front of him

JESUS, AUTHOR! DO YOU FORGET SOMETHING AFTER YOU'RE DONE TYPING IT?! HOW IS A POOR MAN, WHO WAS FIRED EARLIER THAT DAY, WHOSE FAMILY THAT IS SUPPOSED TO LIVE ON $35 GOING TO AFFORD A $250 CAMERA! Maybe they're poor because they're shitty with their spending.

¨What is wrong with you, you probably gave me brain damage!¨

You're a character in this story, you already had it!

Billy screamed at the top of his lungs, Billy tried to get out of the chair but couldn´t because his hands and legs were taped with thick duck tape,

Apparently he is brain damaged, seeing as it took him a while to figure out where he was.

Kevin grabbed a long hammer from the table, Kevin bought the hammer today for his plan

"Here wife. Here is $35 for groceries. I have to buy a camera and torture devices!"

Kevin hit Billy in the knee with the backward end of the hammer, the hammer was stuck in Billy´s knee,

VIOLUNCE IS SCURY!!!!!!! I SOOOO SCURED! I PEE PEE MY PANTS LIKE DUMMY POOP-PANTS JERRY DID!

Billy could feel the severe pain in his knee, he felt the pain hurting more and more,

Yeah, that tends to happen when you're hit with a hammer.

Billy´s heartbeat began to get faster and faster, ¨Why do you have a camera recording this, sick B**TARD!¨

Have I commented enough on the unnecessary censorship?

Billy wanted to fight the now psychopathic man who was once a loner, Kevin grew a wide grin, his grin grew across his face, Kevin´s eyes were on the table of weapons, he chose the machete, he started to laugh hysterically,

¨Please!¨ Billy cried, Billy was tearing up, he begged for mercy

This reminds me of those Jeff OCs where the author writes their "bullies" into the story, and they cartoonishly beg for mercy just to make their childish authors feel empowered.

but Kevin ignored Billy´s begging, Kevin stabbed into Billy's stomach, the machete was getting deeper into Billy's stomach, Kevin felt a rush going through his veins.

Billy was screaming, tearing up badly, screaming for help but no one was going to save Billy's life, Kevin pulled out his small pocket knife from his jeans, he slit Billy´s throat, blood came out of his throat, Billy died a hopelessly and brutal death,

Not as brutal as having to read this piece of shit!

¨That is going to be a fun movie to watch tonight.¨ Kevin said, Kevin got Billy's brutal death on camera,

Not realizing that if the police got ahold of it they could use it against him in court. Oh wait, I'm sorry, they're too busy circle jerking around a fucking school years after a shoot-up!

Kevin was entertained by violence, he loved the feeling of hurting others, his next victim was Jackson.

Kevin was hidden behind a old dead tree, his smile grew bigger as Jackson was walking down the streets, Kevin had a machete in his right hand, Jackson went past Kevin, it was Kevin´s chance to kill him, Kevin crept up behind Jackson, Kevin went up right behind Jackson very closely and quietly, Kevin was like a snake, he stalked his prey and was ready to kill, Kevin stabbed Jackson in the stomach, Kevin went deeper and deeper into Jackson´s stomach, the machete dug deeper into Jackson´s stomach,

Even though it was dark, this happened right out in the open where anyone could see.

a wave of happiness flooded Kevin´s brain, Jackson screamed in pain, Jackson screamed at the top of his lungs, Kevin put his hand over Jackson's mouth to stop Jackson's loud screaming, Kevin left the machete in Jackson´s stomach,

With his finger prints on them. God dammit, Kevin is stupid! No wonder Jerry is mentally disabled! Looks like mental disabilities float in their gene pool.

Kevin reached into his blood soaked black jeans and pulled out a sharp knife, the blade of the knife was long, Kevin slit Jackson's throat with no hesitation, the blood came out instantly out of Jackson's throat, the blood soaked Jackson´s shirt.

"Dear Author. Pointless violence does NOT make a story scary. Regards, Ned."

¨KILL, BRENDA, KILL JERRY...¨ Shadow whispered in a deep and quiet whisper,

YES! KILL JERRY! Since the author loves little shithead Jerry so much, he will probably nailed to the cross for our sins.

Kevin obeyed Shadow´s orders, Kevin took a picture of Jackson's dead body,

More evidence!

Kevin giggled, Kevin picked up Jackson's body, his body was lighter than he thought, He hid it behind a tree, Kevin pointed the middle finger at Jackson's dead body and spat on his face, ¨F**K YOU!¨

He's dead, none of this can actually hurt him!

Kevin yelled, Kevin decided to not kill Brenda and Jerry tonight, he decided another night.

He would need to buy wood to make a cross for our Lord Jerry!

Kevin was finally at his house, Kevin´s smile grew wider and wider, Kevin opened the front door of his house and entered,

NO! Really? I thought he would just fall asleep on the sidewalk!0

he still wanted to kill Brenda and Jerry but stopped himself from killing them,

How was he about to? I don't know, the author doesn't care about details.

he heard moans, he was confused why he heard Brenda moaning, he thought he heard another man moaning but thought he was just paranoid,

"Yeah, I hear my wife committing adultery. Better just mark it off as paranoia!"

Kevin heard a bed squeaking, he realized it was coming from his and his wife´s bedroom, Kevin went down the hallway, at the end of the hallway was Kevin and Brenda´s bedroom, Kevin opened the bedroom door and was shocked, he saw his wife having s*x with another man

I imagine the author looking over his own shoulders while writing this, fearing his parents will see him write this "s*x" scene.

Kevin yelled in rage, he growled, he instantly decided to kill his wife after seeing her cheat on him with Brenda´s friend Mike, Mike and Brenda were scared they were caught, Mike and Brenda were friends,

Thank you author for saying they were friends twice. We have your short term memory loss and as soon as we're done reading we forget... wait, what was I saying?

Brenda always told Kevin she was going to hang out with Mike

Not suspicious at all!

Kevin noticed she was spending more time with Mike than she was with him, Kevin thought Brenda was cheating on him but he thought he was just paranoid, he should've listened he pulled out the same knife he used to kill Jackson to kill Brenda, Kevin angry walked towards the bed and stabbed Mike multiple times in the stomach, some of Kevin´s anger faded away after stabbing Mike.

Mike: "Come on! I'm standing here, waiting patiently for you to kill her so you can kill me next! Hurry Up!"

Mike and Brenda both screamed, they were shocked at what Kevin just did

I would scream to if I somehow miraculously survived being stabbed. Apparently, people in Creepypastaland are made of metal and can only be killed if their intestines are ripped out.

they were expecting when Kevin caught them

So they intended him to catch them? What kind of cuck porn is this?!

he was going to get violent, maybe hit them, threaten them but they didn't expect Kevin to stab Mike

"I know, let's get caught by my unstable, alcoholic husband who I'm not sure if I'm mad at over dislocating my son's arm!" said the dumbest bitch ever.

after Kevin stabbed Mike multiple of times he stabbed Mike in the shoulder, Kevin left the knife in Mike's shoulder,

Mike could feel a sharp pain in his shoulder,

"BUT IT WASN'T THE ONE HE HAD BEEN STABBED IN!"

Mike had never felt a pain that sharp or that hurtful like that before, Kevin put his hands around Mike´s neck and strangled Mike,

If Mike wasn't a dumbass like everyone in this story, he would have pulled the knife out and killed Kevin.

Mike screamed and tried to get Kevin´s hands off his neck but it was no use,

USE! THE! KNIFE!

Kevin was too strong, Mike finally passed out after Kevin strangled him, Kevin didn't stop strangling Mike, Kevin strangled Mike to death, Kevin giggled and turned his head to Brenda, ¨Oh, my god...¨ Brenda whispered, that was the only thing she managed to say,

That's all she could do because, as I keep nitpicking about, PEOPLE APPARENTLY STAND STILL WHEN THEY SEE SOMEONE GET MURDERED!

She was scared for her life, it was like she was paraylyzed or dead, she couldn't move anything because how terrified she was, Kevin pulled out the knife from Mike's shoulder.

Kevin giggled louder and louder as he got closer and closer to Brenda, Brenda still couldn't move, Kevin was right up close to Brenda, Kevin felt his brain being taken over with intense feelings of anger, Kevin stabbed Brenda multiple times in the stomach, Kevin cut open a hole in Brenda´s stomach,

Brenda: "Damn you God for making people automatically lock up when they or someone else is being murdered!"

'he put his hand in the hole and digged in her stomach with his hand

Too bad he didn't do that when she was pregnant!

Kevin ripped out a bit of Brenda´s intestines out of her body, he felt a blanket of happiness cover him, he felt his anger fade away quickly,

¨Good, job...¨

2007…

William was chilling at a bar sitting on a chair at the bartender table, William was wearing a black bandana on his face and had a black hood on, he was just getting ready for his goal, he had his revolver in his pocket, William pulled it out and loaded a few bullets in his revolver and turned the safety off, William shot the bartender, he shot more and more people in the bar, more and more were getting killed.

What does this have to do with the story? Not a God damn thing!

'''BAM! BAM! BAM!'''

THE END?

Unfortunately not.

Kevin heard something at the door when he was stabbing Brenda over and over again,

It's like the author forgot to write a follow-up so he just decided to tack one onto the ending instead of putting it in its appropriate place.

It was Jerry, Jerry had his cowboy rope in his right hand,

It's called a lasso, genius! Also, WTF was he doing with it in the first place?

Kevin stopped stabbing Brenda and was scared, ¨DAMMIT, there can be no witnesses, i must kill...¨ Kevin thought, Kevin charged at Jerry but Jerry moved out of the way causing Kevin to hit the wall hard, Jerry wrapped the cowboy rope around Kevin´s neck and strangled Kevin with the rope,

If Kevin had a brain, he would cut the rope. But no, the whole attacked = cannot move thing...

Kevin choked and was struggling to get the rope off his neck, Kevin finally passed out, Jerry continued strangling Kevin, Kevin was finally dead.

Brenda was struggling to breath and was trying not to swear in front of her child,

It's apparent the author thinks swear words are the worst thing ever.

Brenda yelled ¨CALL 911!¨, Brenda was scared what just happened,

911? Oh yeah! That's right! A thing called the police exist! Shoot!

'''¨No, we are gonna play a game, it's called Shadow´s game...¨ Jerry said in a low and creepy voice. '''

WTF does that even mean?!

And, fortunately for us all, this story ends here.

I want to say for the record, this rant was written before all that drama with the author started (see the story's page if you don't know what I'm talking about).

Luring Lyra
Luring Lyra was once a normal girl named Lyra Rogers.

No relations to Fred.

She had a mother named Connie Rogers, a father named Frank Rogers, and a brother four years younger than her named Toby Rogers.

Being a family, we would assume they all had the same last name, but whatever.

When she was young, her father started drinking and abusing his family.

Of course he did, it wouldn't be a Shitty OC origin story if he didn't.

Because of this, Lyra got bullied at school

So they bullied her just because she was abused, huh? Wow, tough school!

and lost most of her friends.

Kind of justifiable. I mean, who would want to go over to their friend's house if their father is abusive, and could attack you? Also, if this abuse is known, why isn't anyone doing anything about it? Oh yeah, that's right! This is Shittypastaland where domestic abuse is perfectly legal.

Throughout middle and high school, she suffered from anxiety, O.D.D., and mild depression.

Of course, this was a self-diagnosis that she gave herself because she thought it made her sound cool. Like every other edgelord and attention seeker, she wasn't diagnosed by an actual doctor, she just said she had these diseases.

She made sure to take care of her brother, who, out of him, Lyra, and Mrs. Rogers, was the most abused by Mr. Rogers.

HOW DARE YOU?! Mr. Rogers is NOT abusive, he is very friendly and hosts an educational children's show! (Yes, I know I already made a Fred Rogers joke).

When Lyra was twenty-one and in college, she was driving to the supermarket with Toby when they got in a terrible car accident with a man in his mid-twenties named Timothy Wright.

"I can go into detail about who crashed into their car, but I won't give details about anything else!" said the author.

Both Rogers siblings were rushed to the hospital, but Lyra died from her injuries.

Thank God, the story's over! Wait, what? There's more! NOOOOOO!

When Lyra came back from the dead one month later as a ghost

LOL WUT?! I actually laughed at this. The author is presenting this as if this is something that just naturally happens. Remember kids, if you or someone you love dies, don't feel sad. Just wait a month and you/they will come back as a fucking ghost!

and realized that Toby was now a wanted serial killer

tIcCi ToBy!

and had killed all their neighbors and left their mother completely alone and without anything, she became hellbent on revenge.

Mom (sitting on the couch): "I'll get back at that little bastard as soon as this show ends!"

'''All her previous love for Toby disappeared, buried in hatred and anger. Nothing would stop her from avenging her mother.'''

Did he kill his mom? Did she die of loneliness? Great detail there, Shittyauthor!

Lyra is 5'11 and has long, bleach blonde hair

I'm surprised it was dyed red from the SCURY BLUD, or charred black.

'''always tied back in a high, messy ponytail. She wears a gray tank-top, ripped jeans, white sneakers, and a tan leather jacket. Her eyes are very pale gray, almost white, with white irises, and her face has several scars, including one over her right eye and another on the side of her jaw. She uses a baseball bat as a weapon, which she can easily use to murder her opponents. She feeds on human souls to stay in some form of existence.'''

Lame-ass OC bitch!

Lyra is described as hot-headed, daring, and tough, rarely ever letting it show when she cries.

Sounds like a pussy bitch with an attitude problem. Are we supposed to be scared of this?

She doesn't tolerate bullying, always getting into fist fights with the bullies

What bullies? I thought she was a ghost!

'''and will always consider whatever punishment afterward worth it. But despite her tough exterior, she can be very caring and protective towards her friends once you get to know her.'''

In other words she white knights them on the internet.

She will always comfort any crying child she sees

Yeah, because a ghost won't scare a child away.

'''and will always be there for those she considers close to her. Her sense of humor is rather sarcastic, and if you get on her bad side, you had better watch out.'''

"You had better not cry. You had better not pout I'm telling you why. Shitty OC is coming to town."

She is asexual, meaning she is not romantically attracted to anyone.

This sentence right here is the reason I decided to nitpick this fucking story. This is a huge misconception. Asexuals are perfectly capable of having romantic feelings, they just don't have any sexual feelings (hence the term). Aromantic would be the accurate word for her orientation. I'm actually shocked that she doesn't fall in love with Jeff, to be honest with you.

She sometimes teams up with Homicidal Liu

"Hey, I'm a killer whose brother is a killer. Wanna team up, little ghost girl?" Liu said in a friendly tone.

'''so they can help each other find their missing brothers, though Lyra is conflicted on whether she should convince Liu to exact revenge or not. Because of their partnership, the two have become close friends.'''

How they met is anyone guess.

Her zodiac sign is Aries.

LOL! I don't give a shit!

She murders her victims by luring them in with her singing voice (thus, her name),

I bet her singing voice sounds awful. Not as awful as this story, though. Seriously, WTF kind of lure is that. "Oh I hear some beautiful singing, I better go down this dark alley (or wherever the fuck she hides) because that is where it is coming from!"

then murdering them with her baseball bat and extracting their soul for her to consume.

I wanna see Ghostbusters tear up this bitch!

' Creepypasta'  

Read: Shitpasta.

I clutched my textbooks to my chest as I headed home from another day at the local community college,

Great, it's one of those shitty first person stories.

the light spring breeze whistling through my bleach blonde hair, tied in a ponytail, as always.

I bet your bleach blonde hair has roots showing at the top.

'''As I turned the corner onto my street and headed down the sidewalk towards my house, I felt a shiver run up my spine. Despite the spring sun, it was a little chilly out.'''

We assumed that when you said a breeze was "whistling" through your hair.

'''As I climbed the steps to the front porch, I got the spare key I kept out of my pocket and unlocked the door. Swinging it open, I felt my breath hitch as I took in the sight before me: my father was passed out on the couch with a bottle of liquor at his feet, and he was beginning to wake up.'''

Uh-oh! Abuse time! Also, she is old enough to live by herself and goes to a community college, yet she lives with her "abusive" parents.

Fearing a beating for being home late, I quickly rushed up the stairs and ran to my room, slamming the door behind me

No, that won't wake him up! Good thinking, dumbass.

'''and sinking to the ground. I heaved a sigh of relief: that was close.'''

'''My name is Lyra. Lyra Anna Rogers, to be exact.'''

I want you to marry a man whose last name starts with a P, so that your initials can be LARP. Also, we already assumed who you were, we just read your shitty, pointless description before the actual story started.

'''I'm twenty-one years old, and my family. . . well, I guess you could say my family isn't normal, but then again, a drunkard parent and abused children is pretty common in America nowadays.'''

Oh, yeah! America is sooooo bad! Bitch, shut your stupid mouth! If you think we're soooo bad, then educate yourself for once, and look at all the crimes against humanity that are going on in other countries. Fucking retarded ass bitch!

Also, no it is not common. I mean, in Shittycreepypastaalternatedimension's version of America it is, but not in ACTUAL America. Seriously, I fucking hate this bitch and I can't wait for the part where she dies to come up.

My dad always beats me for being asexual

No, he probably beats you because you're a spoiled brat who complains about how "bad" America is, while enjoying things like iPhones and not having acid thrown into your face just for reading a book. Also, I'm surprised that you're not asexual because he "rapes" you, something we should expect in a shitty story like this.

and not being the 'perfect daughter.'

You're the perfect example of what a Creepypatsa SHOULDN'T be, does that count?

Not to mention my seventeen-year-old younger brother has several mental disorders and is home schooled, so he has to be locked up in the house with Dad all day while I'm at school and Mom's at work.

Bitch, do you even know how homeschooling works? No, you don't. Then again, I shouldn't expect anything intelligent from Little Miss America Hater.

Wait -

'Oh no,'' I thought, and I threw my backpack onto my bed, sneaked out of my bedroom, and tip-toed down the hall to my brother Toby's room. Taking a deep breath and beginning to worry, I knocked a few times. With Toby the main target of our father's abuse and him being in the house with him for seven hours straight, the chances that he could be hurt were high.'''

Great, dipshit. You knew your brother could be targeted, yet decided to fuck around after school. Here's a thought: if you're 21, then move out with your brother (who, quite frankly, doesn't seem anywhere NEAR as mentally disabled as you are).

Then again, he can't feel pain because of one of his disorders, but still.

Then why are you so worried about it? If he can't feel pain, then what the fuck is the big deal? And what kind of disorder is this? If he can't feel pain, odds are his nerves aren't working, and he would be bedridden! Jesus, author! Do some fucking research for once!

'''"Wh-who is it!?" came a frightful stammer, muffled by the door.'''

'''"I'm home, Toby." I called gently.'''

"I'm finally home! Sorry I forgot about you because I was dicking around! Also, sorry that I don't just move us out or calling the police on our abusive father!"

A short silence.

"Y-you can c-come in."

W-why a-are y-you s-stuttering?

'''Fearing finding my brother with a bruise or two, I slowly opened the wooden door to my brother's messy bedroom. Clothes were strewn out on the floor, the desk was a mess of stray papers and pencils, posters of basketball and baseball players were taped to the wall - and then there was Toby, curled up in a ball under his blanket, the sunlight from the window casting beams onto his bed sheets.'''

How old is this little asshole anyway?

'''I sighed and stepped into the room, closing the door behind me. Walking over to Toby's bed, I sat down next to him and played with the few locks of his dusty brown hair poking out from under his blanket.'''

'''"What'd Dad do this time?" I asked expectantly.'''

"I-it's n-not w-w-w-what D-d-dad did. I-it's w-what y-you did-id! Y-you wro-wrote me in-in to a-a shittystory!"

Toby gave out a small whimper, like a puppy lost in the forest, and lifted the blanket off his face, revealing a black eye and tear-stained cheeks.

Wussy bitch!

His pale skin was lit up by the sunlight, and his chocolate brown eyes were bloodshot red.

The poetic way you keep describing him, it sounds like you're in love with him.

Not the worst Dad had ever done, but it was still in need of treatment.

If it isn't the worst, then why is Wussy-Boy acting like it is?

'''He looked so pitiful; now, he was no more than a little boy who'd gotten bullied. His age of seventeen didn't matter: he'd just been abused by our own father.'''

Call the police. Oh wait, you can't. Abuse is legal in Shittycreepypastaland.

'''I clicked my tongue and shook my head a few times. "I'll get you some cream; I'll be back in a sec, don't worry." I told Toby, and I walked out of his bedroom, closing the door behind me. After sneaking the ointment from the kitchen,'''

What the fuck is it doing in the kitchen? What, are you so poor you can't have medicine cabinet in, say, your bathroom or somewhere more realistic?

making sure not to disturb my dad, I went back upstairs and told my brother to sit up on his bed.

'''"Hold still," I told him, and I opened the tube of ointment and began smearing some on the skin around his eye. Toby twitched a few times, but I was experienced with this, so I managed to cover the bruise pretty quickly.'''

"And... then... they... kissed." Author typed as she blushed.

'''"You alright?" I asked.'''

Toby nodded, and I opened my arms.

This story should be called Brother Fucker the Killer.

'''"Bring it in." I said, and the next moment, Toby and I were sharing a hug.'''

I'm sure the main character isn't actually asexual. That is probably a lie she tells people so a real relationship doesn't take her away from her incest fetish.

I held my little brother tight, wanting to let him know that it was all over and I was here to protect him now that I was home from school.

Protect him by calling the cops or moving, dumbass!

'''That's when we heard a knock at the door. My heart quickly picking up pace, I placed myself in front of Toby, ready to shield him as I mustered my courage.'''

'''"Dad, if you're there, fuck off." I snapped, raising my voice.'''

No wonder you get the shit beaten out of you, you fucking back-talking anti-American Mary-Sue OC bitch!

'''"Don't worry, it's Mom." came a female voice from the other side of the door.'''

Mom, who has a job but doesn't move away from dad. Or does divorce and moving into a new house not exist in Shittycrappypastaland? Also, I was hoping it was Dad who would beat this shitty OC to death.

'''I heaved a mental sigh of relief as I heard Toby give out a sniffle behind me. Telling Mom she could come in, the door then opened and our mother stepped in. Her short, dark brown hair brought out her emerald green eyes quite well, and she was a little shorter than me, around Toby's height.'''

We don't need a description, cousin!

'''"Are you guys okay?" Mom asked worriedly as she shut the bedroom door behind her.'''

Must not be too worried if she isn't doing anything about it.

'''Toby ran out from behind me and hurried over to hug Mom. "It's okay, sweetie, I'm home now. . . ." Mom cooed to him as she rubbed his back.'''

"Mommy's back. I'm sorry I don't divorce your father, or call the police on him!"

'''After pulling away, Mom told Toby and I to get groceries for dinner for tonight, but I knew the real reason behind it: she just wanted to get out of the house, and I agreed. My homework could wait.'''

She can go to the grocery store, but not the police station or somewhere safe. Lazy bitch!

'''I hurried to my room, quickly grabbing my wallet and throwing on my tan leather jacket, then joining Toby downstairs. We said a quick goodbye to Mom, and then I unlocked my car, letting Toby into the back seat while I jumped into the driver's seat and jammed the key into the keyhole and turning it.'''

I thought you said your mom wanted to get out of the house. Learn how grammar works!

Also: TOO MUCH FREAKIN' INFORMATION! I don't care about all this shit! Just tell us you guys got in the car! Geez!

Pulling out of the driveway, I waved my mother goodbye and began to drive down the road.

'''Five minutes later, Toby and I were on the highway on the way to the supermarket. I shifted gears so the car wouldn't overheat, and looked in the mirror so I could take a quick glance at my brother.'''

So you can look back and lust over him!

'''Toby had his head leaned up against the window, staring aimlessly into space. The ointment around his eye made his face look paler than usual, and his eyes were starting to turn from bloodshot red back to its usual chocolate brown.'''

"And... then... they... fucked." Author wrote, feeling heat.

'''"You okay?" I asked him.'''

'''Toby shrugged, and his neck gave a little crack - one of his tics. I sighed.'''

Like Ticci Toby, get it?!

'''Suddenly, the screeching of tires made my eyes dart back to the road. A car had gone out of control, and it was barreling right towards me and Toby!'''

So? Do something about it, Dumbass!

I was suddenly so scared I barely heard my own screaming as I tried to swerve out of the way, but the next thing I knew, metal was peeling and sparks were flying as our cars collided.

The airbag deployed, and you imagined it was one of Toby's butt cheeks.

'''Broken glass from the windshield flew into the front seat, cutting my face open as a burning, red-hot pain shot through me like a flaming arrow. As a hot stickiness gushed down my cheeks and over my chin, I heard Toby screaming my name, but I barely heard it as the airbag blew up and practically swallowed my chest, making it impossible to breathe.'''

HA HA HA! SHE DIED! TAKE THAT, SLUT!

The last thing I remember before blacking out was seeing the shocked face of the young man behind the wheel of the car that'd hit us.

The guy the author gave is a fuck ton of information about in the prologue.

'''My eyes jolted open as air shot into my lungs, and I began to cough. I felt like it'd been forever since I'd had a breath of fresh air.'''

It felt like forever since I last read a story that wasn't shit!

'''I struggled to sit up. Realizing I was sitting on a patch of grass, I began to get confused. The last I remembered, I was on a highway. . . my car had just crashed, and. . .'''

TOBY!

You heard that scene from Sweeney Todd where they're looking for Toby? Neat! Wonder who was watching it...

I jumped up from the ground and was about to take off running as fear filled my heart when something in front of me caught my eye.

'''A. . . a tombstone?'''

'''As I took a few deep breaths and took in the sight before me, my jaw dropped. Two gravestones sat side by side in front of me:'''

Finding myself in a graveyard, I would think that I was tossed from my car, but that wouldn't be lazy writing, like the masterpiece of shit we have here.

' LYRA ANNA ROGERS'

' FRANK SAWYER ROGERS'

'''This couldn't be happening. . . me, , , and my dad. . . how was Dad dead. . . ?'''

I like how the author not only screwed up the ellipsis, but also made a pair out of commas.

'''As my legs began to tremble, I looked down at my shaking hands. My breathing became ragged, coming in sharp intakes and outtakes, and I felt my knees give out. No, no, no. . .'''

I thought you hated your dad? What the fuck?

I gripped the sides of my head as a loud wail protruded from my throat and fear and shock began to chew away at my sanity.

You're dead, you have no brain, therefore no sanity!

'''I couldn't believe this. . . how. . . was I - a ghost!?'''

Because a bad story calls for you to be one.

"Ma'am?"

'''I jumped and whirled around, backing up against the gravestone as I took in the sight of a young man before me. He was tall, around my brother's age, wearing a long black coat and a green-and-blue striped scarf pulled over the bottom half of his face. Dark brown bangs half-concealed mysterious emerald eyes.'''

"You're not my boyfriend-brother!" Mary Sue shouted as she punched the guy in the junk.

'''"Ma'am, are you okay?" the young man asked in a low voice.'''

Why wouldn't she be?

'''I felt myself beginning to fall apart. "N-no . . ." I stammered, and I broke down, sobbing into the palms of my hands.'''

'''The young man, after calming me down, led me out of the graveyard. He told me his name was Liu Woods'''

The brother of a slightly less shittier Mary Sue character.

and yes, he could see ghosts

We are never told how he is able to do this. He just is!

as he'd suffered from a near-death experience a year previously.

That's... not how it works.

When I asked him what I looked like, he said I had a lot of scars on my face, my eyes were now gray instead of blue, and my ponytail was messy.

As I led Liu through town to try to find my mom and brother, I couldn't help but feel my sanity begin to shrink away.

"I have mental illnesses I diagnosed myself with, that makes me cool!"

'''I was dead. . . this all had to be a nightmare, right? Was I. . . going crazy? I couldn't be, I'm totally fine. . .'''

Snap out of it, stupid!

'''Suddenly, something taped to a lamppost caught my eye. It was a wanted poster.'''

Apparently this story is taking place in the wild west, and this wanted poster was near the saloon.

'''Curiosity getting the better of me, I stepped up to the lamppost to get a better look at the poster. A picture of a young man was on the poster, carrying two hatchets. Orange-tinted goggles and a striped mouth mask covered his face, and a navy blue hood was pulled over his head. But what caught my eye was the profile.'''

Who the fuck took the picture? Was he coming at someone with a camera?

' WANTED'

' Tobias Erin Rogers'

' Age: 17'

Wanted for the murder of neighbors and father and for the arson of his neighborhood.  '''

"Tarnation!" said the old man with the cowboy hat on. "That there Toby is always burnin' things down!" Sorry, I'm imagining this a western movie now.

'''Toby. . . why. . . ?'''

Because FUCK YOU, that's why!

'''I felt myself drop to my knees once more as a strange sensation flooded through me. All relief that my brother was alive was suddenly replaced by an inescapable urge. . . an urge. . . an urge to kill. Boiling hatred flooded through my veins.'''

WTF?! Five minutes ago your pussy was getting wet over him, now for no real reason you want to kill him. Stupid bitch!

Go after him.

He has betrayed you.

He is no longer your brother.

Kill him.

He's a monster.

Well, he was mentally ill, and it didn't seem like anyone was trying to get him treatment, so it was only a matter of time before something like this happened.

'''I felt as though a thin string inside my mind had been cut as thoughts of revenge bounced around inside my head. Toby was no brother of mine. How could he!?'''

Oh yeah, HOW DARE HE?!

'''I felt a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry, Lyra." I heard Liu say sympathetically.'''

Maybe she hates Toby because Liu is her lover now, and she wants to kill him so he can't expose their secret incestuous relationship?

'''My laughter bubbled over as my sanity snapped completely, my mind falling apart. "'Sorry?'" I echoed.'''

'''I staggered to my feet and looked at the wanted poster, at the picture of my brother. As pure hatred burned in my mind, I could only think of one thing to say:'''

"You'll pay for this, Toby."

And this sloppily written shitty story ends here. Praise God!