The Bagpipe Tune

Somewhere in Pas de Calais, France, there was a trench in the First World War, once used by the Scottish 20th Brigade. It may be filled with dirt, or perhaps a stream is running through. On a certain clear summer morning, you may hear bagpipes being played. The tune heard depends on your mood. If you're happy, you might hear a Jig. If you're sad, an Aire or Pibroch. Anger usually plays a Strathespy.

If you approach the direction of the sound, you may notice something sticking out of the embankment. Go ahead and dig it up, it's just an old set of bagpipes. Pick them up, look them over. If you're feeling good, good things will come to you. Sadness and anger will give you a nice little pick me up: the sudden death of all your enemies. If you can play the bagpipes, wait until you hear a shrill whistle cut through the still air. Play a good, steady march. It could very well be the greatest sound ever heard by mortal ears. You will feel so good, you might never want to put them down. The dirt and mold will fall off, and the set will look good as new.

You will be truly lucky, should you choose to keep them. Of course, everyone does. But remember, if you haven't returned them to that trench in Calais in one year's time, you will join the 20th Brigade as the bagpiper, until the next charge.