Chicken Theory

Hey, do you ever find yourself thinking about chickens? I know I do. Think about it this way: there’s all sorts of controversy surrounding chickens. For example, in the Legend of Zelda video game series, if you hit too many chickens with your sword, a bunch of them suddenly fly around and attack you, as if they all somehow knew what you were doing. (Also, chickens normally can’t fly, or so they say, but suddenly, they can there.) One might say that that’s a fictitious example, but sometimes, the truth can be stranger than fiction. The restaurant chain ‘Chik-Fil-A’ is known to draw infamous attention for asserting sociopolitical stances that differ from the norm, doing perverted things to one’s body is sometimes referring to as ‘choking one’s chicken’, being generally afraid of things is referred to as being ‘chicken’, and fried chicken is notoriously pointed out as a food that’s supposed to be bad for you. But bad for you how? In terms of grease content? Sure, hamburgers get criticized too, but they’re often looked it as more of a guilty pleasure, while with chicken, we flat out call the food by the animal’s name. Does anybody refer to a hamburger as a cow piece? Plus, cow patties refer to cow dung, and no one in their right mind would think to eat that. Considering the manner in which human beings have benefited from the use of cow dung as fertilizer over the centuries, it makes one wonder why chicken waste has not also received a similar level of lofty praise. In short: why is it that we disrespect chickens so much, yet seem to fear them? Horses kick people, but they’re still thought of as being pretty animals, while chickens are ‘bird brains’—note, that isn’t a cognitive compliment—and the thought of being pecked at or scratched at is often first on one’s mind, when they think of chicken-human interactions outside of the realm of dietary-based concerns. Clearly, something isn’t quite right.

What I propose might seem kind of outlandish at first, but when you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Chickens are not native animals to any land: it is often said that people have bred them for dietary reasons from other creatures. Yet others have suggested that chickens are members of species of birds that are directly descended from dinosaurs, but I would argue that, given that chickens being bred by humans is the more popular hypothesis, the dinosaur theory is more of a reflection of the deep human disdain and concern for the foul, poultry-based… fouls. Fact of the matter is that we don’t entirely know who bred the chicken. It wasn’t just one particular people of one particular group. We didn’t name the chicken after a man with the last name of ‘Chicken’, for example. They just… happened, and we pin it all on breeding, and then no one thinks to question further how we got from point A to point B.

But wait—there’s more. The topic of biogenesis is a rather popular one—that is, how life originated on planet earth. Some claim that there are at least two, if not more, points of biogenesis in the history of planet earth, but that is just a hypothesis that lacks solid evidence. Given that we do not have separate known instances of the process occurring on its own, I think of another popular folk myth as to how life originated on this planet: from asteroids, or space rocks, or whatever people want to call them. It is often said that they contained single-celled, non-complex organisms that crash landed on this planet earth and evolved over a lengthy period of time in order to create the creatures that you see today, such as people, and fish… well, fish came along pretty early in the cycle, but anyway… and chimpanzees, and yes, chickens. But dinosaurs are posited to have lived a very long time ago, and exactly how long ago is still guess work. Now let’s take this one step further, and think about what if the dinosaur descendant theory is actually a firm hypothesis: we don’t know exactly where the dinosaurs came from, but it is often assumed that a giant rock crash landed into planet earth and caused some sort of desperate age that killed off all the dinosaurs. Again, it is also assumed that single-celled organisms came to this earth from massive space rocks. So what else could have possibly come from space rocks? Could it have been a species that had brains so… unevolved that they are now thought of as being ‘bird brains’? And what if the dinosaurs had bird brains, given that popular hypotheses now suggest that dinosaurs had feathers? If dinosaurs had feathers, and we don’t entirely know where they came from, and chickens are said to be descendants of dinosaurs, and dinosaurs were killed by massive space rocks that somehow didn’t take out the birds, and no one knows exactly who bred the chickens, and people were not around to breed chickens back when the space rocks fell that killed the dinosaurs…



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