Nitpick Archive: SpongeBob Part 2

Red Mist
Somehow I overlooked this one, even though I did Squidward's Suicide on my Good Creepypastas nitpicks.

'''Red Mist is a controversial real-life bootleg tape featuring an unaired episode of SpongeBob Squarepants. Like the long-lost but recently discovered "Suicide Mouse" tape,'''

Dude, you already broke the barrier by making this a Spinpasta, you don't have to make it worse by referencing another Creepypasta.

Red Mist was purportedly created by a now imprisoned Scottish animator for the series who intended to pass the tape off as the season four premiere episode and featured the death of Squidward.

Also, no, "the Scottish animator" is not canonical to Squidward's Suicide. He was made up just for this story.

'''Red Mist begins with Squidward preparing to practice his clarinet in his room as SpongeBob and Patrick play merrily outside. Squidward wraps his mouth around the clarinet'''

And I bet SpongeBob wrapped his mouth around Patrick.

'''and is only able to play one note before being interrupted by someone knocking on the door. He walks down and opens the door and discovers that a traveling salesman is at his door. The salesman, a Scottish fish, asks if he could have a moment of Squidward's time.'''

Why do you hate the Scots so much?

'''Squidward tells him that he isn't interested and slams the door in the man's face, walking back to his room. The salesman begins knocking again, and Squidward opens the door angrily.'''

The salesman, looking very upset, tells Squidward that "the red mist is coming" and precedes to walk off, confusing Squidward.

That would make me laugh my ass off, honestly.

'''Squidward walks back to his room and finally begins playing the clarinet. After performing several off-key notes, SpongeBob and Patrick begin laughing outside, interrupting Squidward yet again. Squidward walks over to the window and shouts at the two, telling them he needs to practice for a concert he will be performing at. SpongeBob and Patrick apologize with tears in their eyes and walk back to their houses.'''

Just one of many things that contradict Squidward's Suicide. Also, this made me think of something: it would require more than just a singular animator to make this (voice actors, musicians, a director, etc.), so does that mean the other staff members are in on this?

'''Squidward, unsure of himself, walks back over and begins playing his clarinet again, this time uninterrupted. The scene then fades to red over the course of twelve seconds.'''

RED IS SCURY COLUR!

Perhaps by glitch, the same scene is repeated once more which is somewhat common in rough cuts of animation.

iT wAs JuSt a GlItCh!!!! Christ, I thought this only showed up in gamingpastas.

'''However, this time, the eyes have been replaced with new, more realistic eyes with red pupils, clearly not real but more realistic than CGI or animated. The audio is also completely absent from this scene, save for occasional clicks.'''

Clicks are less scary than dead silence.

'''After the repeat of the previous scene, a new scene begins with the same red eyes, but at the theater where Squidward is playing his clarinet. The frames in the animation skip every four seconds, but the sound remains synced. After an unruly performance of a song he dubbed "Red Mist",'''

Without even remembering that the Scotsman said "The red mist is coming". Dumb squid!

SpongeBob and Patrick are seen in the crowd booing Squidward, very uncommon for them.

The scene pans to reveal the same Scottish salesman sitting next to them, also booing,

I would boo too if some asshole slammed a door in my face!

'''as Squidward walks back to his home with his head in his tentacles. What's odd is that the scene actually shows him walking to his house, with nothing happening in the background,'''

Why is that odd? That sounds normal.

for three minutes and fifty seconds before abruptly cutting to red for another twenty seconds, just as he arrives at his house.

I'm counting things as they happen!

'''A new scene appears, back to the original cartoon eyes, with Squidward sitting in a chair in his room that night, with a blank look on his face for roughly thirty seconds before starting to sob softly. Again, the audio is completely missing for most of the scene, until the sobbing begins.'''

Kind of contradictory there, but ok!

'''This is when the sound of a slight breeze through a forest can be heard in the background. It also begins very mildly zooming in on Squidward's face, only noticeable if you compare ten seconds of frames side by side. The sound of him sobbing can suddenly be heard, very loudly and severe as the screen twitches in on itself briefly. The salesman's laughing can also be heard echoing in the background.'''

It's actually less scary if we know who's laughing.

'''After another thirty seconds, the screen blurs and twitches violently and a single frame flashes over the screen. Upon pausing it exactly on the frame, the viewer can see a real-life photo of a deceased six year-old boy laying in the forest in his underwear, whose face has been mangled, eye has been popped, and stomach cut open with entrails laying beside him. Next to him, the shadow of the photographer is clearly visible with part of the photographer's hand appearing to the right of the screen.'''

How repetitive this is to Squidward's Suicide makes it boring.

'''After this photograph is seen, it cuts back to Squidward sobbing, much louder than before with what appears to be blood running from his eyes instead of tears and the sound of the salesman still heard. The sound of the wind in the forest is also played at a much louder volume, but now with the sound of branches snapping and the screams of a young boy heard. After twenty more seconds, another single frame appears, this time of an eight year-old girl in the forest laying on her stomach in a pool of blood, with her back cut open and entrails piled on top. The shadow of the photographer is also visible. The scene reverts back to Squidward, now with the same realistic red eyes from before, completely silent and no longer sobbing. The sound of the forest can no longer be heard. Another three seconds later and it cuts back to the sobbing, this time piercing loud and with the sound of the forest heard. The screams of both a young boy and young girl can be heard mixed together as the song "Amazing Grace" plays on both the clarinet and the bagpipes. During this, seven frames are seen in black and white of the boy from the first photograph laying in the woods. Over the course of the seven frames, the hand of the photographer reaches in and grabs the boy's entrails, as his remaining eye focuses on the man's hand and even blinks once.'''

Since you're adding stuff, you could have at least put something here instead of just rewriting Squidward's Suicide. I mean, you added Amazing Grace (which is, in my opinion, the most overrated Church song.), but nothing much beyond that.

This cuts back to Squidward again, this time staring at the viewer as the sound of the salesman echoes "DO IT" and "the red mist is coming" repeatedly.

This "red mist" thing is so evil, it's better that you kill yourself than face it, apparently.

After forty seconds of this, the camera quickly pans out to reveal Squidward holding a realistic gun, looking as though it were Photoshopped into the scene.

"Photoshopped into the scene" sounds like it's in the background.

Squidward lifts the barrel into his mouth and fires, with blood shooting out from his head.

And now that the episode is over, we get some originality.

On November 7, 2004, after the initial animation of the storyboards were completed in Fife, Scotland

Everyone knows that cartoons are made in Korean sweatshops!

the tape was delivered to the lead animators and sound editors at Paramount Studios in Hollywood, California during the middle of the night.

NIGHT IZ SPOOKY!

The tape was taken into the editing room where it was watched by said animators and editors, as well as two sixteen year-old interns.

Must be some smart 16 year olds to get an internship FOR A COLLEGE DEGREE!

'''The tape, which was supposed to feature the rough cut of "Fear of a Krabby Patty", instead began with a title card using the name "Squidward's Suicide". While thrown off at first, the animators continued watching, discovering the tape had been heavily tampered with as some sort of cruel joke.'''

You're starting to backtrack into the "retelling`" territory.

As a result, three animators (Barry O'Neill, Grant Kirkland, Jr. and Alyssa Simpson) were sent to the hospital,

Why?

'''one editor retired (Fernando de la Peña) and one intern (Jackie McMullen) committed suicide. The tape was sent to the police, who determined that it had been made by Andrew Skinner, a disgruntled animator from Fife, Scotland, who has since been charged with nine counts of murder, including the murder of the two children seen in the tape.'''

That's some quick police work right there.

Oddly enough, after going through the data on the VHS, police discovered that the last edit to the tape had been made exactly twenty four seconds before it was watched by the SpongeBob staff.

Yes, we read so in the original story.

One copy of the tape was made (before police confiscated the original) by Chaz Agnew, writer of this article and the sole surviving intern from that night.

Why did you make a backup tape, and why aren't you sharing it?

'''Agnew has made various attempts to distribute copies of Skinner's tape and hopes to secure clearance rights to release it on several online auction websites soon. '''

Breaks the law by reproducing studio property. Wants to get permission to sell it. WUT?

SpongeBob Lost Episode: SpongeBob and the Missile
Nickelodeon was one of my favorite channels when I was a kid.

You still are a kid. I can tell by the quality of this story.

I grew up with shows such as Rocko's Modern Life

You probably missed all the adult oriented jokes. And by you grew up with Rocko, you mean the Nicktoons reruns from a few years ago.

'''and of course, Spongebob Squarepants. You probably know what the show was about,'''

No, I'm dumb as shit and I'm the only person in the world who never heard of SpongeBob!

I have loved the show, but as the seasons progressed, it started to appeal to modern audiences.

No, modern audiences are starting to hate it because it keeps getting stupider. Wtf is wrong with you?

'''Not really my cup of tea. The modern seasons are a little immature, but it managed to get some laughs out of me.'''

Put that fork down, son. I do not want to have to tell you again not to stick it in an electrical socket.

Last week on Friday, I was at a yard sale in my neighborhood.

Totally not cliche, guyz!

'''I was looking at old toys from the 90s, some old DVDs, et cetera. That's when I saw a DVD that simply said "SBSP". It didn't take me a genius to figure out what the letters "SBSP" meant'''

I bet it took you a while. Also, here is an example of how lacking in detail these stories are. We are just told that a DVD says something. We're not told what it looked like, if it was in a case, or anything. Just "a DVD that simply said 'SBSP'"

'''so I bought it. The lady at the yard sale said she had never seen the DVD before'''

Christ! You can't be serious!

but I could have it.

She says, not considering the very real possibility that it belongs to someone else. Also, wow, she must be really nice to let you have something for free at a garage "sell".

I gave her 5 dollars, and went back home.

She says you could "have it", but makes you pay for it. What a greedy cunt!

When I went home, my parents told me I had to go to band practice, so I put the disk in my sock drawer, and went outside and hopped into the car.

Why your sock drawer? Why not on your bed, so you can watch it as soon as you get home?

'''After band practice, I had forgotten about the DVD. It wasn't until Saturday morning that I remembered about the disc.'''

How the fuck do you forget about something you just bought?

'''It was 7 am and my parents were still asleep. I got the DVD, woke up my laptop and inserted the disk.'''

Filler! Filler! Filler!

'''I opened up my video player. The first thing that played was the Spongebob Squarepants theme song. I plugged in my headphones and put them on. The intro was different. When the kids in the intro said "SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!", it just ended up muted and after that, turns back to normal. This happened on and on until it ended.'''

This would annoy me!

'''I didn't know why that would happen. I just ignored it. The intro ended, and the title card came in. The title card simply said, "Spongebob and the Missile", a weird name for a kids whose target audience is for 7 year olds.'''

Yeah, it's just sooooo weird that SpongeBob, a show that has had titles such as "Ripped Pants", "Squidward the Unfriendly Ghost", and "Something Smells", would have an episode with that name.

Also, SpongeBob is for everyone, not 7 year olds. Just because you're 7, doesn't mean everyone who watches SpongeBob is!

There was no music playing during the title card like always.

That sounds like you're saying that there never is music that plays. Also, check your volume, you might have accidentally turned it down or something.

The episode then started.

Finally!

'''It faded to the exterior of Spongebob's pineapple house, then cuts to the living room. Spongebob and his friend Patrick arrive inside the house and Patrick sits down on the couch. Spongebob starts making lemonade to cool off after a long day of jellyfishing at Jellyfish Fields. Soon after, there was a knock at the door. Spongebob walks to the door, and is greeted by a very angry Squidward.'''

I don't know why this made me laugh.

Squidward: Will you stop leaving your mail in my mailbox?!?

Nothing says "lazy writing" like writing dialogue as if it were a script.

Spongebob: I'm sorry, I didn't know my mail was in your mailbox.

Imagine getting pissed off at your neighbors over something that's clearly your mailman's fault.

'''Squidward: Well it's YOUR mail, so it's YOURS! I hope the ballistic missile wipes you out!'''

Spongebob: (looking a bit confused) What missile?

This sounds like something they would actually say in the show, so good on you for that one, author.

'''Squidward: It's been all over the news! You didn't know the missile coming down?'''

Just after that the news came on the TV.

Conveniently, the TV will exposite to us what this missile is.

'''Anchorman: Breaking News! A ballistic missile has been found heading towards Bikini Bottom in an hour!'''

There's something about this that sounds wrong, but I can't put my finger on what...

This is Bikini Bottom's worst days yet.

LOL!

However, there is an underground bunker miles away from the town.

"However" doesn't sound like something the fish-head reporter would say, but whatever.

'''This is a realistic fish-head signing off. Good luck and godspeed.'''

'''The TV then goes to static. Spongebob then gets a call from Mr. Krabs telling him to meet at his house immediately.'''

Why not at the bunker?

'''The scene fades to Mr. Krabs' house. Spongebob and his pet snail Gary, Patrick, Squidward, Sandy and Mr. Krabs' daughter, Pearl were there. They both had suitcases packed.'''

Lists six characters on the screen. Says "both". Not confusing.

Right next to Mr. Krabs was a parked boatmobile.

'''Mr. Krabs: Everyone put your stuff in the trunk! Fast!'''

"Put your stuff in the trunk, Fast!" that sounds like you want them to plow you.

'''Everyone immediately did so, all while a ton of boatmobiles are seen pulling out of their driveways. Anyways, after that, they started hitting the road. Mr. Krabs started the car while his daughter Pearl sat in the passenger seat. Spongebob, Sandy and Patrick all were squeezed into the backseats. Spongebob's pet snail Gary sat on his lap. Mr. Krabs realized that there was no more space for Sandy, so they taped Squidward's legs to the roof of the boat. Mr. Krabs then thought that giving Squidward a gun would eliminate traffic,'''

HA HA HA HA HA! WHAT?! This is making me laugh just thinking about: Squidward, tied to a boat, with a gun, waving it at people nervously trying to swerve out of his aim.

to which Sandy pointed out that would not be a great idea, but he still did it.

LOL!

'''Mr. Krabs: If we leave Squidward on the roof of the boat with a gun, we'll have less traffic to deal with! (cackling)'''

I'm laughing harder than he is!

Timecard for A Few Minutes Later.

'''This was the part that kinda disturbed me. Squidward was on a shooting rampage during this time, killing pedestrians left and right just to shave a few minutes.'''

OUCH! I'M WHEEZING AT HOW HARD I'M LAUGHING!

'''Patrick's been biting his nails the entire time. Mr. Krabs says they will arrive to the bunker in about ten minutes. I'm not sure if they'll even get the tape off of Squidward's legs in time.'''

OH NOEZ!

Patrick: I'm scared, Spongebob.

Spongebob: I know, I hope we would get there in time.

'''Patrick: I hope you got packes some spare Coral Bites, Spongebob. I haven't even have lunch today.'''

Can anyone translate this to English? Also...

Timecard for 32 minutes later.

This time shift was kind of pointless. And at this point, the missile would have already hit them, so...

'''Mr. Krabs: Alright, we're getting really close to the bunker. We'll have time to spare if we don't get distra-'''

'''Before Mr. Krabs could finish his sentence, everyone heard a faint scream and a whack. When they all checked to see what happened, Squidward FLEW off the boat, hit the tunnel wall, and died.'''

This sounds too cartoony to be scary.

'''It was an absolute BLOODBATH. I wish I had a screenshot to show it, because Squidward was pouring blood out of every severed limb. The blood was not that hyperealistic, more cartoonish, but still unsettling to see. Everyone had no idea where the gun went, though, and by the looks of it, that's the only weapon they packed.'''

This is not a good sign.

No shit!

'''After the Squidward incident, the others kept driving. Not long after, a family trying to escape pointed back, trying to signal something. Turns out, there's a boat that's driving at 120mph and is crashing into every other boat and is still going. Mr. Krabs parked into an empty gas station just in time before that boat came in and killed them all. I can't say the same for the family, though...'''

ow The EDGE!

As soon as everyone got out of the boat, Mr. Krabs started congratulating everyone.

You're not safe until you get into the bunker.

'''Mr. Krabs: Great job, team. If we were as little as a second behind, we'd all be dead.'''

So waste your time talking!

'''We got insanely lucky this time! If we could survive that, we could definitively survive the missile.'''

He says, standing there outside.

'''Mr. Krabs told Spongebob and Patrick to go get some snacks. Mr. Krabs then told Pearl that if she needs to go to the bathroom, now would be the time. And he told Sandy to help with the gas.'''

No one even cried over poor Squidward's demise.

Timecard for 13 minutes later.

'''Remember when they taped Squidward to the roof of the boat? Well, turns out other people did that too, because Mr. Krabs was assassinated from a bullet to the head.'''

Sounds like Lee Harvey Oswald got lost, and forgot what JFK looked like. Also, sorry for this tasteless joke.

'''After everyone else heard the gunfire, Pearl pulled the emergency brake and she, along with Sandy, Spongebob, Gary and Patrick took cover, to the best of their extent, that is. Shots were still being fired, and luckily nobody was hurt from the bullets. The windows? Not really the same story, as Partrick got cut deep in his arms and legs. Gary hid underneath his shell while Sandy found a disinfectant and Spongebob got some band-aids that will make Patrick stop crying about it.'''

"Spongebob got some band-aids that will make Patrick stop crying about it." Might as well have said "SpongeBob got some band-aids that will make Patrick quit crying like a little bitch about it."

'''They had to dump Mr. Krabs off the side of the road and Sandy had to take the wheel. She immediately went HAM on the gas pedal for a while. For a while, the ride was perfectly fine, until the boat ran out of gas.'''

They were just at the gas station! WTF?!

There were no other gas stations in the highway they were in, so everyone had two choices; Run to the bunker on foot with all of their supplies, or jack someone's boat.

What do you think they chose?

WHEEZE

There was a couple coming out of a fast-food restaurant not far from Spongebob and the others.

"A missile's coming honey! Let's go out for some Big Macs instead of finding shelter!" Also, the employees of that restaurant are just as dumb.

'''They were holding a fast-food takeout bag and were going to their boat. These dumb idiots placed a shotgun on the ROOF of their boat, and thanks to that, Spongebob and the gang easily offed those lovebirds.'''

Am I reading a story about SpongeBob, or Grand Theft Auto? Actually, a GTA SpongeBob edition would be awesome!

Turns out, they had a lot of supplies than Spongebob and his friends.

This sentence made me hungry for the word "more".

'''They even had a gallon of gas in the trunk. Patrick looked in the takeout bag and saw 2 cheeseburgers, a biscut, a set of fries and a box full of chicken nuggets. There was a can full of soda and a bottle of water. Patrick, Spongebob, Sandy and Pearl all tried to split the food four ways.'''

Instead, they should have worried about making it to the fucking bunker!

'''There was a slight (and by slight, I mean huge) problem with the gang's car raid, though. After they filled the gas tank on their boat, other fish folk found out what they were doing, and not long after, they tried to killed them. Not for the gang's new supply haul, oh no, but for killing those 2 idiots?'''

Absolutely no sympathy for the victims! Cripes!

Were they their cousins?

First off, that sounds like the victims were cousins, so I think SpongeBob just prevented some icky inbreeding. Second, maybe they were just decent human beings. Ever think of that?

'''Well, I never got an answer to that, as they started to go after us. Sandy was punching and pushing everyone out of her way, while Pearl then slammed them in the head with a baseball bat, but then they started to beat the absolute CRAP out of Pearl! This didn't feel like the Spongebob I knew and loved.'''

You're just catching on, huh Pal?

'''This feels like something from a disaster movie! My parents were still asleep, mind you. They usually woke up during 7:15, but this episode was at least 15 minutes long.'''

Why 15? Why not the usual 11. Or at least a 30 minute episode.

'''Anyways, Spongebob had to escort Pearl back to the boat before the mob could do anymore damage to her. She could've died!'''

Timecard for 13 minutes later.

Missile hits. Everyone goes asplode!

'''Spongebob, Sandy, Gary, Patrick and Pearl manage to get to the bunker. They were all handing the luggage and bags to Pearl to which she would store into the bunker. When she went back upstairs to get some more luggage, she grew a sinister smile on her face. Before everyone else could even toss her all the food and water, Pearl grabbed the door to the bunker and closed it shut. Pearl had cartoon-stylized angry eyebrows during this and wasn't hesitant to do such.'''

What a cunt! This episode must have been made by whale hunters.

That was when Spongebob snapped and started flipping out on her, constantly swearing at her, using words that obviously wouldn't get this episode even approved for little kids.

LOL

'''I chuckled a bit, hearing Spongebob start cursing like a sailor in this kind of show. After Spongebob calmed down, Pearl started to say to Spongebob, "It's a fish eat fish world, Spongebob" before walking downstairs deeper into the bunker without saying another word.'''

I don't get what just happened.

'''The scene cuts to the outside of the bunker. The bomb's already gone off. I can even feel the heat on my face. Spongebob couldn't give up. He grabbed a crowbar he took out of the boatmobile's trunk.'''

So they're still outside? I thought they went downstairs?

Spongebob: Don't worry, I'm not letting us die like this.

Spongebob tried using the crowbar to bust open the door, all while the song "We'll Meet Again" starts to play in the background.

Why that song?

'''I already know they're not making it out of this. Spongebob tried to open up the bunker, but to no avail. All when hope seemed lost, Sandy put her hand on Spongebob's shoulder, which caused Spongebob's attention.'''

Why didn't Sandy just karate chop down the door, or some shit?

She looked at Spongebob looking sad, and closes her eyes and shakes her head no to Spongebob, all while her head was facing down.

Also, aren't there other people in that bunker who can open the door for them?

'''Spongebob looks at Sandy, and starts to tear up. Sandy starts to cover her eyes, holding in her tears. As the mushroom cloud starts to grow and grow, Patrick and Gary go up to Spongebob, and holding his hand. Sandy does the same to Spongebob's other hand, and they were about to accept their fate. Both Sandy, Patrick and Gary close their eye, and after that, Spongebob closes his eyes, too. After that, the screen then cuts to black, while in the background is a sound of the flames of the fire and burning. The episode ends with no credits.'''

Well, that was anticlimactic.

I lied down on my bed, trying to comprehend what the heck I just watched.

Retard.

'''My mom must've woken up, so when I heard my parent's room open, I quickly ejected the DVD from my laptop, threw the DVD in my trash can, tuned off my laptop and put it where I found it, and jumped to my bed. My mom told me to get up and that we were going to get some doughnuts. I went and got dressed and got into the car with her.'''

Why does little asshole get donuts and not me? Is it because my mom's not a whore like his is?

'''Today, I still remember that episode. I tried contacting Nickelodeon, but they never replied to my calls or emails as expected.'''

That's because they don't give a fuck!

It's unlikey I'll ever find the origin of this episode.

Yeah.

'''I advise you, if you find this episode, do not watch it. It's my word of advice to you. If you want to try to find it, don't. Just for your own good.'''

IT CAN HAPPEN 2 U!

Spongebob and the Cave
'''Hi, Have you heard of the SpongeBob and the cave Incident? So If You Were A 90s Kid, You Were Probably Terrified By The "Spongebob And The Cave" Incident From June 23, 2002.'''

U do a english good!

'''It Was A CGI Short About Spongebob. It Wasn't Broadcasted By A Person From The Nickelodeon Studio, It Was Broadcasted By A Hacker, Like The Max Headroom Incident.'''

The Max Headroom Incident was awesome, don't include it in your shit story.

'''On Friday, I Was Watching TV, And I Saw A Promo About This New Spongebob Episode Called "Spongebob And The Cave". It Showed Actual 2D Cartoon Clips Of Spongebob Exploring A Cave. It Said It Would Air On Saturday At 8:30 AM. At Night, I Was So Excited About The New Episode, I Didn't Go To Sleep.'''

At first I thought it said "8:30 AM At Night". I was about to criticize you for not knowing the difference between AM and PM. Also, who the fuck is so excited about a new episode that they can't sleep. Holy fuck!

'''On Saturday, I Went Out Of My Bed At 8:00 To Go To The Living Room And Go Turn On The TV. When I Turned It On, The Fairly Oddparents Was Playing, So I Decided To Watch It Until The New Spongebob Episode Was Airing. After A Commercial Break, The New Episode Played. The Title Card Reads "Spongebob And The Cave" While Happy Music Played. Due To The Happy Music, I Knew This Will Be A Good Episode.'''

Oh yeah, because the episodes that don't have happy music are apparently shit.

'''But When The Episode Played, I Was Shocked By What I Was Hearing And Seeing. A CGI Spongebob Was Walking Into A Cave, The Entrance Looks Like A Pineapple. Now Spongebob Was Having An Ugly Face, It Almost Looks Like Him When He Enters Sandy's House Without His Helmet.'''

Jesus Christ, even Chris Chan doesn't capitalize the letter at the beginning of each word.

Spongebob Was Just Walking Around In Circles As He Goes Inside The Cave While What I'm Going To Assume, Is A Demonic Spongebob Singing:

Who Lives In A Pineapple Under The Sea

Absorbent And Yellow And Porous Is He

Spongebob Squarepants X4

Who Lives In A Pineapple Under The Sea

Absorbent And Yellow And Porous Is He

Spongebo-

'''Suddenly An Eel Appears And Spongebob Starts Running In Circles. He Continues Running In Circles As He Exits The Cave. Suddenly, The Eel Eats Him.'''

This sounds like one of those cute shorts Screen Novelties would make.

On Wednesday, I Changed The Channel To The News To Calm Myself Down.

I can tell you right now that's a mistake. Also, are you so "slow" that it takes you from Saturday to Wedensday to compose yourself over something stupid?

'''And Then There Was A News Report About The CGI Short Causing Over 1,000,000 Suicides. They Claimed That The People Had Nightmares About The Segment Over And Over Again.'''

No fucking way.

'''They Dreamed That They Were Spongebob, As Well As Being Eaten By The Eel. At That Night, I Got A Nightmare About It. I Was The Eel, And I Had To Eat Spongebob. When "Your Shoe's Untied" Came Out, There Was A Scene Where Spongebob Gets Eaten By A Cave Monster, And It Reminded Me Of The Short,'''

"It Reminded Me Of The Short." Genius right here.

'''Now The News Report Said That Now 10,000,000 People Caused Suicide By That One Scene. And I Felt Like I Should Join The 10,000,000 People Who Caused Suicide.'''

You said 1,000,000, now it's 10,000,000. Seems legit.

Spongebob BFBB: The GBA Horror
Hello my name is Jack, I'm huge fan of the Spongebob GBA games because I had memories of playing them.

A new low, right here.

If you don't what the game is about then I will tell you.

Which game, there's been more than one GBA SpongeBob game, asswipe!

'''The game is a 2D platformer with Spongebob trying to stop Plankton's robots from chaos in Bikini Bottom. It was less popular than home console ports and Windows port. The Windows port was basically mini games that were similar to Mario Party series and the console ports was 3D which had more levels, more robots even you can play as Sandy and Patrick than GBA version.'''

You still didn't specify which game.

One day I was looking for my copy of the game on the GBA and the bad news is that I lost it so I decide to play it on an emulator.

"I'm going to confess to comitting cyber piracy!" - Some guy one day before going to jail. Also, I want to thank Yeet who inspired this comment.

'''I booted it up and memories came flashing back to me. The game started alright and the intro was fine. The first world was alright but Spongebob had blood on him for some reason.'''

I'm surprised it wasn't just a gLiTcH!

'''After a few levels I encountered the first boss which was Robo Sandy. But she had red eyes instead of green and had stains on her. The sky turned gray and the battle started.'''

Author says, not realizing that their emulator could have a graphics problem, or that they could just be playing a hack.

'''When I defeated the 1st boss she blowed up and her parts flew to pieces. It was strange because she usually malfunctions and shuts down. After Sandy said thank me I went to world 2. Everything was normal except Spongebob had black eyes and he still had blood on him. The levels were ok still. After that I encountered the second boss which was Robo Patrick. But he was off because he had gray shorts and black skulls on it instead of the usual green shorts with red skulls on it. He also had stains and his net has blood on him, even his eyes were dark gray. The battle started while I was riding Mystery and I used the orange bomb robots on Robo Patrick. After I beat the 2nd boss, he also exploded and his parts were flying everywhere too. After Patrick thanked me I went to world 3 but when I played the level Spongebob now has gray skin and rusted teeth. After a few more levels again I encountered the 3rd boss which was Robo Squidward but he was also off. He had dark red eyes and he also had stains. The battle started and I was riding on mystery again but she had black eyes now.'''

This story summed up: I played this game that had nothing wrong with it except the graphics.

'''After I defeat the 3rd boss he blew up and his head and four hands went flying. After Squidward Thanked me I went to the final world which was world 4. Now Spongebob had red pupils he also had a spatula with blood on it. I now realized on what's happening is that Spongebob has been coming more evil and evil as time goes on. Then I encounter the final boss which was Robo Spongebob but he had sharp teeth, has stains on him, his eyes are black with red dots and he was also gray.'''

I- I don't have any comment on this except "What?!".

'''I also noticed that Mystery was beaten to death but it didn't show her death. The final boss started and Spongebob then attacking the machine even tho I wasn't controlling him. He knocks it over and it then crashed into the floor. After that it Robo Spongebob appeared and Spongebob then stabs the robot and it falls to the ground then it explodes with parts flying. After that he kills plankton and instead of the credits rolling it cut to a black back ground the text said "You Shouldn't play this game but you did it anyway"'''

Thanks for warning me ahead of time, jackass!

'''then after that it faded with the words "You're Next". Then I screamed and moved out of the house with my stuff and lived in a hotel escaping from who was after me. I now have nightmares from playing the game and if you see a hacked version of a Spongebob Game then "Don't Play It".'''

Cliche "If you find (insert thing here) Don't (action) it!" ending.

Spongebob Blood Lane
The episode's title card read "Blood Lane," which was quite sketchy for a kid's cartoon.

The author didn't even bother to give this story a framing device. They decided to just jump into it. Also, this title is clearly a rip off of Crybaby Lane.

The episode started off with Squidward playing his clarinet, like Suicide Squidward, except with different animation.

Imagine trying to explain to someone that the animation, for a cartoon that doesn't exist, is "differnet".

'''There is a ring of his doorbell, and he answers it. It is Spongebob and Patrick. They ask, with Jellyfish nets in their hands, if Squidward is ready yet. He says no, and angrily slams his door in their face. He then walks up to his room and returns to his clarinet. He hears the doorbell ring again, and when he opens the door, no one is there.'''

DING DONG DITCH!

Squidward angrily walks back upstairs and returns to clarinet, but he still hears Spongebob laughing outside.

'''The bubble transition plays and the scene is now Squidward sleeping later that night. He hears Spongebob's laughing, and the screen shows a closeup, and Squidward wakes up. This happens repeatedly for about a minute, before the bubbles come up again. The episode is now following Squidward, at sunrise on the next day, trudging to Spongebob's house angrily, with bloodshot, pulsating eyes and a revolver in his hand. As he steps forward more and more, he starts growing visibly insane as he hears Spongebob's blowhorn, and Spongebob waking up and laughing some more.'''

This story is so boring that I don't have any comments on it.

Squidward is now on a slow dash, and suddenly the background starts to move in impossible directions,

Huh. I thought this was going to be a rip-off of Squidward's Suicide. Turns out to be a rip-off of Suicidemouse.avi.

'''and the sidewalk starts to twitch more and more violently, before it is something like a high-magnitude earthquake. Suddenly, a photo of Bikini Bottomites mangled and bloody on the streets, entrails and all, heads chopped off, and the buildings in shambles and on fire, pops up for about two seconds. In that scene, was real dismembered people, eyes, teeth, tongues, and even hair ripped out, with blood gushing out.'''

SCURY PICSHURS!

'''Squidward the appears decayed and older, and even more insane. He reaches Spongebob's house, and the screen glitches out. In the midst of this glitching, you could see text that says "HE IS NEVER COMING BACK," and "GET AWAY WHEN YOU CAN."'''

The fuck sort of drugs are you on, mister?

'''The audio is of Mr. Krabs, Patrick, and Squidward screaming with undetermined sounds mixed in. Squidward speaks, but it is inaudible.'''

'''Squidward enters Spongebob's house, and runs to his decrepit bedroom, and Spongebob is laughing and talking to Gary. Squidward yells his name, and then says prepare to be sent to the next life.'''

HA HA HA HA! This is my favorite threat now "Prepare to be sent to the next life!". HA HA HA!

'''He shoots Spongebob in the lungs, and then again on his torso. He collapses into a pile of bones and flesh. Squidward feasts on his body, and then runs home.'''

Geez, someone's in a mood.

'''Squidward goes to bed, and he looks crazy. He talks to his clarinet, and says, "Ah, another day, another death, eh, Clarry?"'''

That's a pleasant way to react after fucking killing someone.

as the shot pans out and there are many cartoonishly murdered bodies of other Bikini Bottomites, including Spongebob, whose body was done in an abstract style, now only a random shape, with blood on it.

The bubbles come up, and the credits roll.

Even though the episode is over, the story still goes on.

The strange thing about them is that the only name repeated over and over (in different layouts to represent the actual credits) is the text "Vous êtes morts," which is a language suspected to be French.

But I thought the only European language that was supposed to be scary is Russian? Also, how the hell do you not recognize the French language?

'''The United Plankton and Nickelodeon logos are gone, and are replaced with an image of Squidward giving a malevolent smile with red bleeding eyes, and he is in a room which looks like a mental asylum. The text "Vous prochain êtes morts" appears, it is French for you are dead next, and the episode fades to black.'''

"I don't know what language this is". Next paragraph. "This is French".

One image pops up for less than a frame, but the employee refused to reveal its contents no matter what.

So this was an "I was an intern" story?

It is said that if the viewer sees this image for more than even one second, they will get the urge to commit homicides,

Must be the total of how many people who think Creepypasta is still good.

in the same manner Squidward killed all those people,

How the Hell does a cartoon character kill people?

'''and commit suicide when the deed is done, mostly by poison injection or cyanide pill. The only survivor, the employee, is the only known person to survive the final image. It is still unknown what is in that image, but it is said to be a real photo of a demon or even the devil himself, in hell with souls, and Squidward with him, tormenting souls, but this is not confirmed.'''

Well, I knew Squidward was in Hell, but I didn't think literally.

SpongeBob Bootleg Episode
This one is a "classic". I'm not sure if I did this one, or not yet. But, either way, here it is.

This image was taken from a split second frame in a corrupted bootleg of the SpongeBob episode 'Dumped.

If it were corrupted, it wouldn't play, so how'd you get the screenshot, huh?

'''Other than the image, the rest of the video is composed of incomprehensible jumbles of colors, static, or just black screens. The audio seems to be a heavily distorted version of the audio from the original episode, with loud, droning buzzes occasionally interrupting it.'''

Sounds boring, my dude.

The bootleg tape itself was found in December 2004 by a group of 5 teenagers from the city rummaging around in a trash can within an abandoned mental institution.

What they were doing there is never explained. Probably filming it, hoping to become YouTube sensations.

Of these 5 individuals, 2 have committed suicide, 1 has gone missing, 1 refuses to comment on the tape, and the last hastily agreed to give paranormal investigators the tape shortly after being interviewed about the suicide and disappearances of the other 3 persons.

TOTALLY NOT STOLEN FROM MR. MIX!

'''The current whereabouts of the tape are unknown, and many who stare at this image for a long enough period of time claim to see SpongeBob blink... '''

The whereabouts are unknown, but somehow we got this photo.

Spongebob Deadpants
One day i was watching nick when spongebob came on

You say that as if it's something that doesn't happen six times a day.

'''i was happy cause i love spongebob. the theme song was normal but when it ended it said help me i thought that was weird but i might just be hearing things when the title card came it said Spongebob death pants. ok that's a weird name for an episode of a kids show'''

There's an echo in here.

'''but ok it might be where Spongebob ruins a krabby patty or something i was wrong. the episode started with spongebob looking at the screen with black eyes then a photo of a dead kid flashed on the screen'''

I DID NAWT STEEL DIS FRUM SKIDDARD SOOICDE!

oh god i said why would they show this on a kids show i don't wanna keep watching but when i tried to turn it off it would not i tried unplugging but it would not do anything why didn't i just walk away.

Walking away is what I should have done with this story.

i just keep watching after that it showed Spongebob with a shotgun and he pointed it to his head before he shot it cut to a title card that said 3 days ago i said ok we are gonna see how spongebob was drove to suicide

The poor spelling makes me laugh my ass off. I imagine this kid actually saying this aloud.

it started with Spongebob waking up happy and petting gary and saying i'm ready like he always does but then he grabbed a shot gun and went to the krusty krab

LOL! SpongeBob gone postal!

before he got there he saw patrick with his gun and said are you ready to kill them patrick said yeah

This would be one of the best episodes of SpongeBob EVER! LOL!

then they went to the krusty krab and loaded there guns and said goodbye krusty crew.

Jesus Christ, this story keeps getting funnier.

'''they shot up the krusty krab and there was blood everywhere mr krabs said yar me boi why are you doing this. spongebob said its because im done with your bullshit i never liked this job'''

This is every one who works in the public sector's dream!

'''then he shot mr krabs 10 times in the head his guts where every where. at the end of the shooting everyone was dead the cops came but it was too late patrick killed himself after they were done spongebob is on the loose he went to sandy's house and told her he and patrick shot up the krusty krab she was about to call the cops but Spongebob shot her then he went back to his house. then it went to the present the cops where knocking on his door and said put your hands up then he got his gun and killed himself that's when the episode ended.'''

I have no comment on this besides LOL!

I said what was that then i called nick and asked them about it

They told you to shut the fuck up and leave them alone, before hanging up.

and they said it was some crazy guy and nick and they fired him and they said sorry and sent me some dvds of nick shows and spongebob plush i hope no one else saw that episode.

GOOD ENDING! I CRY EVERY TIME!

Spongebob Episode ???
Me and my brothers where

Five words in, and we're already at a major typo.

watching Spongebob on a Friday night at about 11:00

I'm surprised it wasn't 3:00 AM.

and the episode had just started when we turned on the TV the theme song sounded weird

How so is never explained.

and in the beginning of the song when the pirate guy shows up his eyes where dripping blood and he was screaming and crying he was screaming for 10 seconds after his eyes fell out and then the screen went black

SCURY!

that my brothers got scared the screen was black for about 3 seconds then the TV started sparking

Probably because your family is too lazy to clean. Place looks like a pig pen.

and then the episode started with Spongebob in his bed he looked really scared and then it zoomed in to under the bed their where 2 glowing red eyes under the bed with a puddle of blood under the bed

So... he menstruated in his sleep?

after then it zoomed out and we saw that their was a knife in his head then there was tapping on Spongebobs window then the power went out

Because you're poor and couldn't afford the electric bill. Sorry, daddy's cigarettes and mama's fast food were more important!

me and my brothers where all scared then we heard some glass breaking then after 40 seconds the power came back and the TV was broken on the ground then me and my brothers went upstairs but the door would not ope

Does the missing "n" indicated that he was murdered while writing this?

Spongebob Lost Episode - The New Burger Joint
Nickelodeon holds one of the biggest collection of lost episodes like "Red Mist" Or "Dill's Origin"

Yeah, and Nintendo has a vault full of prototypes!

But one Episode didn't make it through airing and the episode was simply called "The New Burger Joint" Aka "Calamity Joint" the writer "Paul Tibbit" And A group of people had created the episode.

Paul Tibbit and a group of people create every episode. Your point?

However A Bootleg Tape was found outside a Abandon Flordia Nickelodeon Studios

Where? I didn't think they had any abandoned buildings.

The Episode was actually a Old broadcasting airing of the episode in a promo.

"Promo" is short for "promotional" which means it would be a short commercial.

I was a writer and animator at the time when season 2 was airing new episodes;

I WUZ A INTERN!

I recently got on Reddit and asked the people about any new episodes

Then you got banned for not following their SJW hivemind. But that's ok, you realized you don't want to be on that cringe site anyway.

and these are the responces (Note: My Name was Aaron):

I'm surprised you didn't say "IM NOT TELLING U MY NAEM! IDENNIDY!"

"Me: Hey, Are there Any New Episodes Out?"

"James: No, Friend Or Foe JUST Aired buddy."

"Jay: I did found a VHS Tape of one of the episodes"

"Me: What Is it?"

"Jay: Erm, Calamity Joint"

"Me: Isn't that the banned aired episode?"

"Jay: Sure Is, Buddy; Want me to send it?"

"Me: Sure Thing!"

First off, you're a dumbass if you don't think they're going to troll you. If they do send you something on a VHS, it's going to be a Rickroll.

Second, why in the fuck is someone just going to freely give away a piece of lost media?

I typed out everything and Jay said that the package is sent I waited for 2 FULL HOURS (God It felt like Forever), The Package Arrived.

I'm surprised it came at all. Fucking, trusting Plebbit for anything!

The VHS Cover was a spongebob VHS Tape called "Sea Stories" With a fake "Bonus 1 Episode"

What was fake about it? Detail, mofo! We need detail!

On the back it showed a static image of Mr Krabs Screaming as it showed the title "Calamity Joint" With the episode description: "In this episode, Mr Krabs Is At It Again With Another Buisness Rivalry between a New Foe, This Seems Sinister but the guy seems charming. Can Mr. Krabs Expose the New Foe?"

That... doesn't read like something that would be found on a cover.

I Pull the cover out

You pulled the cover out? Why not pull the tape out. I'm imagining this in one of those clamshell boxes, and the idiot taking the inlay out.

and inserted the tape and rewind, on the last minuet of rewinding, I saw A Demented Smile on Mr. Krab's Face,

Rewind it with the tape off, so you don't spoil anything, jackass!

'''I continued on and then the tape stopped. I pressed Play and sat back as I watched this supposed unaired episode of Spongebob, It began with the Intro As Usuall'''

Ur spellin sux!

Then the titlecard was shown with empty music, It continued on until it revealed the people "Paul Tibbit" And "Andrew Skinner" "The Same guy Who made Squidward's Suicide" I Muttered under my breath.

Actually, he's from Red Mist. What a chain: Squidward's Suicide to Red Mist to this shit show.

The Episode began with Spongebob and Squidward working and ordering orders

If that weren't an abortion of English, that would imply they were the ones ordering.

'''then squidward looked up and screamed "Look!" The Camera Focused on a group of workers Lowering a new Barrel-Looking Building.'''

Great detail there, genius!

Mr. Krabs Busted the doors literally and raced to the windows as he stare in horror the new resteraunt named "Clam-Joe's Buger Shack" Mr. Krabs Said In Anger "So, If It's a Food War You Want Joe, You Got It!"

That's... not what Joe wanted. He didn't even say or do anything that would imply he wants to fight.

Mr Krabs and Joe In a Montage Started Adding Tweaks like "Soups For Free" Or "Dessert-Fries Now On Sale"

What the fuck is a dessert fry? Also, the lack of any formal introduction to Joe makes it hard for us to tell if we're rooting for or against him.

'''But as tweaks went by, the camera would slowly show Mr. Krabs Degrading Insanity as he'd look more evil and demented. Clam-Joe Added a new sign at the near end and mocked with "Beat That, Krabs! This will be your last before I end the Krusty Krab!"'''

The first thing in this entire story that Joe said that implies he hates the Krusty Krab

the bubbles Flash shows as we cut to Mr. Krabs Loosing everything.

Loosing would imply the opposite of tightening. Maybe he's loosening his boyfriend's butt muscles.

'''"Uh, Mr. Krabs?" Squidward Asked. Mr. Krabs Turned as he sneered with a insane voice "SQUIDWARD, I THINK WE NEED TO GO FULL HEHEHEHEHE! LET'S KILL FOR FOOD!"'''

Why not just kill Joe?

'''Mr. Krabs Cackles. On the Bubbles Flash Screen, It revealed the Demented Smile Shown as Another Montage Showed Mr. Krabs Killing All The Fish People.'''

Well there goes your customers!

The Ending Of the Montage shows Him Axing Fred the Fish's Leg as he screamed "MY LEG!"

TOTALLY NOT FUNNY, U GUIZE!

'''It showed Mr. Krabs Serving Fish Burgers to the Customers as then suddenly, Clam-Joe Said In anger "OK, FINE! YOU CAUGHT ME! IT WAS ME, PLANKTON! I WAS THE ONE TRYING TO BREAK YOU, NOW YOUR UNDER MY CONTROLL! HAHAHAHAHA!" Clam-Joe Ripped off the costume'''

How did we go from Krabs killing and cooking people, to I WUZ PLANKTUNXXX?

as plankton pressed a button, the last shot showed plankton serving the people with the sign saying "Now Serving Crab Legs"

Ooh...

'''and well like I said, the episode ended. Honestly I was horrified by what I sawed, I grab the tape and placed it back in the case before tossing it in the dump.'''

"I'll throw away this banned episode. There's no way it could be valuable!"

I called up Shadow, this is how the conversation went:

"Me: Hey Shadow-Buddy! I came to notice a disturbing epsiode, want me to send it?"

YOU THREW JUST THREW IT AWAY! What, is your mom going to retrieve it when she's digging in a garbage dump for your family's next meal, or something?

"Shadow: Dude, what was it about that you found?"

I explain the tape's description to him

"Shadow: Oh God! Dude, This is Dark! Spongebob Would NEVER do this! I think I'll take the tape"

SPUNJBUB NAWT EGY, GUYZ!

"Me: Alright, Shadow. Take Care"

I hanged up and Dug through the dump and took the tape

So, you contacted Shadow AFTER the trash men took your garbage away? What did you wait for? Also, you probably dug up your next dinner: a half eaten plate of fried fish, and some fries with something that could either be ketchup or blood. You'll leave that up to chance.

and sent to the adress he called to, Now the tape had a few glitches because Paul Tibbit Reviewed it and mistaken it for another episode from a cartoon.

YOU SAID HE WORKED ON IT!

'''and I honestly was horrified when I looked the tape up. It was the Candle Cove Screaming Episode'''

"My story sucks, so I have to reference a good one to save it!" Seriously, what was the point of wedging Candle Cove into this shitty story?

'''All I can ask is, What did the writers do to the episode; Hope shadow can figure this out and one day give his take on the tape. '''

Plot twist: it's a YouTube Poop.

Spongebob Lost Episode: Spongebob's Bad Day
'''Have you ever heard of the lost Spongebob episode from season one? It was aired at 2:00 in the morning .'''

Is it just me, or is I SAW DIS EPISUD AIR the worst framing device for lost episodes?

"Sandy's Rocket" was going to air at 1:00 pm for the first time, but it never did.

Didn't Nickelodeon used to premier new episodes at night?

'''Instead they were supposed to show a repeat of "Jellyfish Jam" at 1:00 pm. But, at 1:00 pm viewers were shown a half hour message saying that they decided to air "Sandy's Rocket" at 2:00 am.'''

What's with the 13 hour warning? Did the author think it goes 1:00 PM, 2:00 AM, 3:00 What-the-fuck-ever-M?

What viewers were shown was not "Sandy's Rocket" but something much, much, much more disturbing.

So disturbing that you had to write a long prologue about it!

Viewers report seeing an episode that they could not believe Nicktoons would air, they said it started out with a title card saying "Spongebob's Bad Day".

DATS NAWT SUMTHING DEY WOULD CALL SPUNJBUB EPISOOD!

Then, it cut to Spongebob walking to the Tree dome but he looked depressed

Self awareness.

then it cut to a few frames of Spongebob with no eyeballs.

Let me guess: CREEPY BLACK VOIDS!

'''Also, there was no opening theme song but instead a picture of Spongebob crying. When Spongebob got to the Tree dome, the audio was muffled and you could not make out what Spongebob was saying.'''

No, you're probably just using a busted TV. I heard what he said clearly, it was "Your mom sucks my cock for $5, kid!"

'''And he saw Sandy covered in blood, dead a mangled cut up corpse on the ground, her eyes rolled into the back of her head. Spongebob was crying louder this time, and strangely Spongebob was not wearing his water helmet'''

He's trying to kill himself. Sandy was the love of his life before Nickelodeon decided to make him being gay canon.

Then, it cut to static and crying sounds for a minute or so and viewers were shown a couple of grotesque pictures of Spongebob that they can't even describe how scary they were.

My brain translated this as "I couldn't think of anything scary, so you'll have to do all the imagining for me!"

Then it cut to Spongebob his head cocked back and one of his eyeballs hanging out of his head and his other one with a red pupil.

EYEZ R SCURY!

'''Then they said they heard crying so realistic that it sounded like it was coming from their house. Then it cut to static again for a minute and it cut back to Spongebob. This time, he was in a room with dead bodies by him and they were real dead people, not cartoon people,'''

Were they all the people your mom infected with STDs?

and then the screen turned red and you could hear "Join Us In Hell!"

Cool! Party in Hell!

'''and then it showed an early version of Spongebob and creepy music played in the background. It showed Spongebob's house. It was on fire and blood was going down the walls, and the screen said "I will find you and hunt you down".'''

Come and get me, bitch!

'''Also, what was strange was that Patrick and Squidward's houses were not there, but, instead big holes with fire coming out of them were where their houses used to be. Then, the screen flashed 666 and it cut to a picture of Spongebob with blood coming out of his holes in his body and then the screen turned grey and it showed a picture of Patrick with a gun, then the episode was over and the viewer heard a gunshot.'''

You had no idea where you were going with this, did you?

Only 500 people were known to have viewed this episode

If only 500 people are watching, then this network is doomed.

'''and 200 of them were found dead and the other 300 had trauma issues, and got sent to an insane ward because they claimed "The sponge is trying to kill me" and only one person got out of the insane asylum and told me this tale. He said he doesn't have much time to live, so to tell other people about this tale as his dying wish. He was found dead 10 days later.'''

Your brain cells were the last casuality of this story.

Bonus: SONIC HAS PASSED
I'm a Sonic fan.

No you're not.

I once read this really bad story about a haunted Sonic PC game.

If you're talking about Sonic.exe, then I agree with you. Ironically, though, that story was a lot better than yours.

It was meant to be creepy, but it was just lame.

What, Sonic.exe or this story? Because that line can work both ways.

Apparently, it's part of a whole genre of weird Internet stories, but I forgot the name.

Warning to everyone reading this: you're about to see the lamest, most embarrassing thing ever written in a Creepypasta...

I think it's called something like "Spooky Lasagna".

LOOOOL! I DID A PUN ON CREEPYPASTA! LOOOOOOOOOOL! Seriously though, was this supposed to be funny, or is the main character a total retard?

I didn't believe any of these weird stories about "evil haunted games", until it happened to me.

TOTALLY NOT CLICHE, GUYZ!

I have a friend who used to work at Sega,

Yeah, sure, and my uncle works at Nintendo.

in the early Genesis days, before Sonic 1 was released.

That could be seen as an implication that he worked there before Sonic was made.

One day, he emailed me a .rom file, with the note:

I like how the author bitches about Sonic.exe yet, so far, has followed its patterns: MC says he's a Sonic fan and recieves a game with a note

"I think I found a prototype version of Sonic 1 in my old files. I can't beat the first boss, however. I know you're better at Sonic than I am, so I think you can do it."

First off, why is it on his computer? Second, why didn't he share it with the world, seeing as it's one of the most sought after prototypes in existence? Third, why would he randomly e-mail this asshole over something like this?

'''I opened the ROM in my emulator. It was a quite early prototype. The title screen showed for a few seconds, then it went straight to Green Hill Zone. What's odd is that all the graphics looked like prototypes or placeholders, making it look like a NES or Master System game.'''

What the fuck?!

Other than that, it was normal until the first boss.

'''You know how Robotnik has this wrecking ball he tries to hit Sonic with? In this ROM, instead of moving in its usual pattern, it spazzed out and moved all across the screen, completely detached from the chain. I tried to avoid it, but it inevitably hit Sonic, killing him in one hit.'''

Should have picked up rings, my dude.

After that, it displayed this weird Game Over screen.

'''It was a plain black screen, except for a message flashing in dark red text: "SONIC HAS PASSED". The music was this really slow and sad version of the Green Hill Zone music. I tried to close the emulator, but it wouldn't close. After about a minute, the "SONIC HAS PASSED" message stopped flashing and started shaking. At that point, the music was replaced with a corrupted cacophony, quite similar to the "music" from CrazyBus. This went on for a few seconds, then it showed a corrupted version of the title screen. At that point, the emulator crashed, and the ROM file, and the email containing it, disappeared from my computer, never to be seen again. '''

And that concludes this story that went practically nowhere.