How To Become A Vampire

Why would you want to forfeit your humanity?

Immortality, hatred towards humanity, or is it simply boredom? You should realize that you will have to kill people. You cannot drink animal blood as it will kill you, or you will vomit if you are lucky. Transfusions work, but good luck getting them - believe it or not, blood banks are well-guarded.

You will also have to move to other places constantly, changing your appearance constantly, and there will be no certainty or stability, just the hope of surviving one more night. Assuming you survive and adapt, unlike most, you will watch the world be destroyed and recreated constantly, watch technology evolve and the horrors and blessings that come with it, and everyone around you will rot away before your very eyes.

You will not be able to form relationships; if they find out what you are, they will run away or try to kill you, and so will the strangers, the people you sit next to on the bus, live with in your apartment, or the people you pass on the street. You will live in constant fear that they will kill you. If they find out what you are, they will kill you out of fear and anger, or - if you're unlucky - cut you open and study you.

Have I convinced you not to? No?

OK, it is ultimately your choice after all.

Let's start.

1. You must not eat or drink for five to six days and must be under 130 pounds.

2. After that you must acquire 3 gallons of blood, a coffin with dirt from your birthplace, a pitch-dark room, a very sharp knife, a candle, and a bucket.

3. Pour the blood into the bucket by your coffin in the dark room.

4. After this, you must go into the dark room without any clothing, light the candle, lay in the coffin, and use the knife to slit your throat. Drink the blood very quickly. If you are too slow, you will die from blood loss.

If you are quick enough, the wound will heal. Then close the coffin and sleep. You will wake in seven days at midnight.

5. You will be very thirsty. You will go on your first hunt and kill one person. You will have to do this every three days, forever.

Good luck, my friend.