Mary Sue's Stupid Adventures on the Creepypasta Wiki

Author's Note: Some of the events depicted in this story are based on some things that I have actually seen on the Creepypasta Wiki. You will notice that a lot of this is summarized. That is because this story is long as shit and I didn't want it dragging (which, in my opinion, the many times Mary gets banned does).

You might recall the crappy story of Mary Sue Perfectpants. But have you ever wondered about its author, Mary Sue Perfectpants, who has since been known as "Shittyauthor"?

Mary Sue Perfectpants, the in-universe author of a self-insert story formerly known as Shittyauthor,

was sooo excited. Her father had just bought her a $3,000 computer for her bedroom, and she could finally search the web without the parental firewall her parents had put up. They just bought her a $3,000 computer, and gave her everything she ever wanted, BUT THEY WERE MEANIES FOR HAVING A FIREWALL!!! How dare they not let Mary Sue look up graphic content! All she wanted to do was read Barney the Dinosaur x-readers!

After Mary's computer was set up she texted her "friend" Amelia. Amelia wasn't actually her friend, she was just a classmate from Mary's special education school and happened to be the only one who would talk to her. Of course, Amelia would soon come to regret this decision because Mary bothered her on a regular basis.

"Gess wat Maeelai," Mary Sue texted in a most ungodly looking, spelling nightmare of a message. "Dddy got me coputter."

When Amelia saw that Mary texted her she slammed her phone on her desk.

"Cool." Amelia texted back, hoping that this would be enough to end the conversation.

"Yah. Now I cn reed thos Barny xreeders. lol lol lol lol xoxoxoxoxoxo XD XD XD :) :) :) :)"

This would be yet another night Amelia would face the tough decision to block Mary's number and cut her out of her life.

Mary opened up her favorite web browser, Internet Explorer, and searched "crepey pasta" on her favorite search engine, Bing. One of the first images that came up (after the browser felt like getting it's ass in gear and moving) was an anime-esque drawling of Jeff the Killer. Mary fell soooo madly in love with the faceless little asshole, and read his story. Somehow Mary came to the conclusion that their sufferings were similar and decided to write a rip-off story, but with herself as the main character.

Mary decided to publish this story on the Creepypasta Wiki for some reason, as the original JtK story was deleted from there years ago.

"Hmm...?" Mary whispered to herself, kind of hoping someone would hear her and take interest. "What would be an appropriate screen name?"

Then she decided on the screen name MarySueTheKillerXJeff and created her account. Without even bothering reading the site rules, quality standards, or blacklisted subjects pages, Mary published her crappy little OC fanfic and was pissed off when it got deleted an hour later.

In a childish rant Mary declared "war" on the Creepypasta Wiki and threatened to vandalize it. She was blocked for these threats and made her own Creepypasta Wiki which absolutely nobody visited. Mary forgot about her shitty CPW-wannabe site two weeks later. This was the last time anyone visited this shitty site.

When Mary's ban expired she posted a lengthy rant about how "THIS IS THE WORST SITE EVER! FUCK YOU!" and how much she hates both that fucking bastard NedWolfkin for marking her shitty story for deletion, and the "dummy face" administrator who deleted it. This too led to a ban.

When this ban had expired Mary broke another rule by making a poll in the discussions asking which "Creepypastas" were better. Mary seems to have ignored this warning as she tried posting another which resulted in a ban.

Because of Mary Sue's victim complex, her brain hit her with a conspiracy theory that ClericOfMadness created the Creepypasta Wiki just so he can ban her when she would join almost ten years later.

After this other ban had expired Mary decided that her worthless opinions mattered and replied to every comment on the Slender Man page, most of which were so old that the users who posted them weren't even active anymore. Even worse, when Mary would see something she would disagree with, she would resort to childish insults and swear words.

Mary Sue tried to reupload her Crappypasta, but it was taken down again and she was served with a warning not to try to reupload it again. Guess who didn't heed this warning and tried to reupload her shit? Mary! And she was banned yet again.

Not understanding the purpose of the Discussions board, Mary, who thought that it was some kind of cyber cafe hangout for people who liked Creepypastas, posted a bunch of random stupid shit about "Which flower is prettier?", "What is your favorite episode of Peppa Pig?", and a bunch of stupid memes. Unfortunately because these boards have very little limitations set for what can and cannot be posted, Mary was allowed to spam the fuck out of them.

Mary saw some little bitch, much like herself, whining about a shitty story being deleted. Thinking of herself as some sort of Christ, Mary Sue decided to white knight the fuck out of this author, complaining about how "unfair" it was that the administrators deleted their unfinished, cliched spinpasta. One of the administrators tried to point out how they have quality standards, and Mary Sue called him a bunch of misspelled swear words and got her little ass banned again.

Mary made a sockpuppet account and harangued each of the administrators, even the ones who weren't even active while all this shit was going on. This was the stupid blog post Mary wrote: "I've been seeing some of the things going on here and decided to make an account. I would NEVER do some of the stuff you're doing on here on my wiki! Your administrators are meany stupid poopy faces and I hate them! I'm going to report you to FANDOM if you don't undelete this poor person's page RIGHT NOW! And by the way, my story Mary Sue Perfectpants was NOT a Jeff OC! You stupids!"

Every time someone would say something she disagreed with, she would attack them with ad hominems. Whenever someone would agree with her (who were most likely sockpuppets), she would buddy up to them and agree with whatever stupid thing they were saying.

Because the idiot did not realize that by saying she wrote that shitty OC she was admitting to being a sockpuppet, and got banned.

Mary cried into her pillow which she used as a punching bag. Those damned administrators were being soooooo unfair to her!

Despite her bad reputation Mary continued going on the Creepypasta Wiki. She tried to post a "rewrite" of her story, but posted a page that only said "I'll finish this later WIP". This too got deleted and, since it did not pass the deletion appeal, Mary (HEY GUESS WHAT?!) got banned again.

When THIS ban was over she put the story through deletion appeal.

"WHY was my story Mary Sue Perfectpants the Killer DELETED?! YOU GUYS ARE STUPID! THIS IS THE BEST STORY IN THE WRLD (sic) AND THE DUMBASS WHO DELETED IT SAID IT WAS JEFF INSPIRED! IT WAS NOT! IT WAS ABOUT AN ABUSED AND BULLIED CHILD WHO GETS DISFIGURED AND BECOMES A KILLER! THAT SOUNDS NOTHING LIKE JEFF YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKING PEE-PEE POOPOO DOODIES!"

Not only did Mary forget to sign the post, but she also reuploaded the page, thinking that she didn't have to wait for an admin to approve its reupload. Aaaaaaand she was banned again!

After that ban ended Mary uploaded the story to the Writer's Workshop board. She got all kinds of constructive criticism, all of which she refused to listen to because she thought everyone was going to give her ass pats. She ignored some of the criticism, and pretended she didn't understand others. When the users who offered the criticisms Mary "didn't understand" elaborated, she acted as if she still didn't know what they were talking about.

When Mary finally relented. She made two or three minor changes, and posted it as a reply. She seemed to have either ignored or simply looked over anyone telling her to edit the new version over the first post. Mary kept posting her "rewrites" (read changing a few words like "knife" to "tiny steak sword" and "school" to "children's community learning facility") as replies. More and more people told her to edit the first post, which seemed to go over her head as she broke the rules by starting an entirely new thread. She was warned for this, but did not listen. I don't think I even have to tell you that this too resulted in a ban.

When THIS ban ended Mary tried again making a new post on the Writer's Workshop for her Jeff OC. BANNED!

Mary finally did post a story that was allowed to stay on the site. She took the cheap route of writing a boring ritual pasta, and because those don't require any real effort, the story met quality standards. Unfortunately, this gave Mary the impression that ALL of her stories would be good and she tried once again to post that shitty Jeff knock-off. Mary was once again banned.

Thinking her story was good enough now, Mary posted the story with a disclaimer at the top of the page telling the administrators that they are not allowed to delete it. She also added the "Classics" and "PotM" categories and created "DO NOT DELETE" "Good story" "written by MarySuetehkiller555", "Campfire stories" "romance stories". This story was deleted and she was banned within fifteen minutes.

When this other, other, other, other, other, etc. ban ended Mary wrote a shitty Slender Man clone that was marked for review. Mary had a temper tantrum in the comment section, saying that the story was good and that the administrators better not delete it. This story is still on the Creepypasta Wiki one year later, creating the theory that the administrators are ignoring it on purpose as not to shake the mental nitroglycerin we call Mary.

Since we are all bored with this repetitiveness, Mary decided that if she couldn't become famous for writing Creepypastas, she would become famous for reading them. She set up a YouTube account, giving herself the screen name JeffXMarySue666thebestCreepypastareaderever. Mary spammed the talk pages of her favorite Creepypasta authors (some of which were not the actual authors but rather just people who uploaded the more popular stories, and some of which have not been active since 2012) asking if she can narrate their stories. She also made a discussions thread, a blog, and a thread in the narration board asking if anyone wanted her to narrate their stories.

Mary spammed the hell out of her favorite narrators' videos by asking them to collaborate with her. Not only would she be able to work with her senpai, but also their popularity would bring new viewers to her shitty videos. They either ignored her or didn't see her messages at all (thank God!).

Mary's videos, as you imagined, were garbage. She did not edit her videos, leaving in a lot of stuttering, mispronunciations, repititions, background noises, and even once a conversation with her mom about what she wants for dinner.

On top of that Mary used what was apparently a phone from the 1990s as a microphone, as the sound quality was 8 bits at best and Mary breathed into it a lot, causing hiss to obstruct her voice. Not that it matters much anyway, but most of what was obstructed was the problems we mentioned at the top of this paragraph.

Not only did commenters call Mary out for her poor quality, but they also called her out for not crediting the authors or the people who made the pictures she used. Unable to face any sort of criticism, Mary did what every other butthurt coward did and turned the comments off.

Mary not only used this channel to upload narrations, but also videos of herself doing stupid shit like singing, making stupid faces, and playing with Legos. Mary "knew" she would become world famous some day!

tl;dr Mary tried again at uploading her Jeff shitpasta and got banned. "After THIS ban ended" I say for what seems like the thousandth time "Mary made another blog".

"Dear Stupidpasta people! IF YOU DON'T QUIT BANNING ME AND DELETING MY MASTERPIECE MARY SUE THE KILLER, I WILL VANDALIZE THIS SITE, TRACE YOUR IPs AND KILL YOU! AND IF THAT DOES NOT WORK I WILL KILL MYSELF!"

Little did Mary know her parents had been monitoring her activity on the Creepypasta Wiki and saw these threats. Long story short they took her to a psychiatrist who recommended that she put it in a children's psychiatric hospital to keep her from harming herself or others. Her parents reluctantly agreed and had her committed, though it was more likely that they did so because they were tired of Mary's shenanigans.

Mary's parents were blunt with her and told her they would be committing her the next day. Mary was angry until she imagined what she thought would happen. She would assault one of the nurses, threaten security with a needle, kill somebody, put on a creepy mask that would come out of nowhere, waltz right out the unlocked doors, and go to the forest where her "daddy" Slender Man would save her and introduce her to her future husband Jeff. She somehow came to the conclusion that her self insert story was some kind of self fulfilling prophecy.

Mary's mother led her into the hospital by the hand. We're going to jumpcut to the part where Mary is brought to her new room.

Mary imagined her room would be some sort of spongy padded cell, and that she would be able to tear through the walls. To her surprise, it was a small room with a white floor and walls. Her bed was in a corner, a few feet away from a sink.

Mary was called into a psychiatrist's office.

"This is it!" she thought to herself.

After a few other questions the psychiatrist asked "Why are you here?"

Mary grinned. She thought she looked scary, but she actually looked ridiculous.

"TO KILL YOU!" said Mary in a voice she thought sounded demonic. Mary grabbed a syringe out of the trash can (almost jabbing herself with it) and ran towards the unafraid psychiatrist. One of the orderlies who has been standing by grabbed Mary by the wrist and twisted it until she let go of the syringe. Mary shouted and was dragged to a cell. When she heard the word "cell" she imagined her cartoonish padded cell she would tear through.

Nope. This was a cell with ceramic white wall tiles.

Mary flexed her body, hoping to turn into some kind of Hulk-like creature, but only ended up shitting her pants. It was at this moment Mary realized that she wasn't special, or a goddess. It was as if that warm diarrhea was to her what cold water was to Helen Keller. She would spend the rest of the month in the asylum, defeated. But Mary's adventures are not over yet...