Acid Does Plague

It started with a teardrop.

Spongebob Squarepants was on the TV, as usual. My cousin was sitting down by the fireplace on his mobile phone, not even watching it. I sighed. What a sad generation. I mean, he's 6 and he has a phone. And all he does is text his girlfriend.

HE'S SIX. AND HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND.

See what I mean? Kids growing up too fast. When I was younger, I was still scared of the toothpaste man on TV. Yes, this...freaky giant toothbrush cartoon with the bluest eyes that stared at you. The show always started the same way. Mr Toothpaste Man was lying in bed next to Tooty Brush, his girlfriend. The alarm clock rang and he bounced out of bed, then the camera zoooooooooooommmmmmeeeeeeddddddddddd up close to his face, into his white, pasty eyes, then the pupils dilated until the blue swirling mass filled in the blanks, and he smiled, and oh! What a hideous smile!

Shiny, bright, white, clean teeth, round and long. There was always this one, tiny dark spot on the same front incisor. Then, his furry thick eyebrows, like Arthur Kirkland's eyebrows but EVEN THICKER (god help us, this was a CHILDREN's show for crying out loud!) furrowed like giant, hairy squirrels, and he belowed loudly. Urgh....his VOICE. It sounded like children being strangled by a girraffe's neck.

"TIME TO BRUSH TOOTY! I CAN SENSE MY TOOTY PEGS AREN'T UP TO SCRATCH!!!"

Then, Tooty giggled with that high-pitched cat noise of hers, and Mr toothpaste man...I can't begin to describe how horrible it was. He used it...dare I say it? Squeeze the toothpaste onto Tooty's brush''. ''And then, he used Tooty toothbrush to clean his teeth! I couldn't believe it! Father loved the show, but I screamed and hid behind the sofa. I couldn't bare to see it.

It's going to sound stupid but nowadays, I have Plaguephobia. Fear of toothpaste and toothbrushes. Not separately. But together.

I shivered at the memory. I think a tear rolled down my cheek.

"Oh my god Chelsea look at what my girlfriend sent me!" My cousin bounced up and shoved the phone in my face. It was Paid, his girlfriend. She was 8, by the way. WAY too old for him.

"She's the new model for squeeky clean toothpaste! My girlfriend's a model!" he looked like he was high on blue smarties. He did realize she was a model dressed as a giant toothpaste, right? I shuddered. What a weird coincidence.

"My friends will be soooooooo jealous! I have to tweet them this picture right now!" he went back to his texting, and spongebob was still playing in the background. I decided to walk to tescos for some sliced bread with the crusts cut off. You know me. Love my sliced uncrusted bread.

It was weird, walking into town. They'd already put up a billboard of his little blond girlfriend with the squeaky clean teeth I hated in the giant toothpaste costume. I always brush my teeth with soap. Much nicer.

I hated his little girlfriend. How dare she mock me! Parading around in her dinky little heels and toothpaste. Yuck! So on my way to the shops...I looked around. Lots of people. I didn't care. I went to the nearest ad by the bus stop.

The slogan said, "You gotta keep them clean to keep the boys keen!"

I brought out a biro. That sucked. Biros don't write well on glass. What I needed was permanent marker. So, I decided to bide my time and wait for revenge. Well, she hadn't done much to me, so I guess it wasn't revenge. Wait, she mocked me with toothpaste! Oh of course it was!

I returned from Tescos with the sliced bread and markers, and toothpaste for my cousin since he was staying the night whilst his and my parents were at a wedding... I had almost past by and forgot, but then this cute boy from across the street flashed me a smile. Shiny, bright teeth. I scowled and hissed. How dare he mock me! I stomped over the road, narrowly avoiding a car, and he looked confused, but he KNEW, HE KNEW WHAT HE DID TO ME. OH YES HE DID. I smiled sweetly, and pulled off the marker lid. Now he just looked scared. I dived towards his face, and he screamed.

"PAYBACK TIME!" I cried, and drew thick, furrowed eyebrows onto his face. He was crying, begging for mercy, but I wouldn't drop it now. Next came the big blue eyes. I forced his eyelid open and drew on his eyeball. His eyes were bloody and red and sore, he squealed like a pig and I was sure he'd go blind. He deserved it. The final touch. Toothpaste. I'd gotten some at tescos, and I squirted it in his hair, his top, his pants, his shoes. Then I lept up and ran. My next target would be all of the billboards. Then, little miss squeaky clean toothpaste, miss Paid herself!

I'd been to all of my friend's houses. Anyone who had ever mocked my phobia now had huge blue eyes and furrowed eyebrows. The only person left...was my cousin.

I tried to open the door, expecting the handle to work. It didn't. It was locked. Funny. I hadn't locked it when I went out. I peered into the living room. Where was my cousin?

Well, that wasn't going to stop me. My parents would be so proud to learn I'd faced my phobia! Finally! I was no longer afraid. Just one more. One more. Then it would be over. I kicked the door in. It wouldn't budge. I tried again. This time, the lock seemed to give and it opened a little. There must be something blocking the other side. I wonder if he'd blocked the door to get revenge on my little prank to his girlfriend? Probably. I punched in the window instead and climbed through. If anyone asked, he'd pay for that. He did it. I blamed everything on him, so it would work out alright in the end. I took the pen lid off and turned around-

THWACK.

I grinned.'Cous decided to try and take me on.

"I still never realized you could be such a...such a jerk!" He screamed. Tears were running down his face.

"What are you on about? It was just a prank. I was getting over my phobia...my fear of those hideous monsters. Your girlfriend is fine, she was when I left her." I remember the state she was in. She wasn't "fine", but she'd live. Anyway, after all of those years of torture and bullying...especially the things she'd said about me behind my back. Oh, I'd heard them alright. Don't think I didn't, Paid. I heard every single one. And I've resented all of your snide remarks for a while.

"You don't get it, do you? YOU'RE THE REAL MONSTER!" In his hand, he held a water pistol. Aww. How cute. How was I the monster, anyway? They'd always been the problem. I just showed them the justice my school never gave me when I was bullied for my phobia. The justice the television network never gave me when I asked them to ban the toothpaste man show. The justice my parents never gave me when I wanted to see a therapist to get over the bullying and phobia. They told me: "You'll live. A little phobia of something so trivial won't hinder your life. Everyone gets bullied, you just have to learn to ignore them. What is the point in paying the expense?"

I dived for his eyebrow and pinned him down. It didn't take much. He was half my size. I thrust my hand over his mouth and started to draw. I was halfway through the first eyebrow when the ink...just ran out. It was my last marker! What could I do now? No way was I going to let this one go. How would I ever get over it otherwise?

Maybe...the toothpaste was blue. I'd just have to use that. I squeezed the full tube into his eyes. He yelped and screamed in pain. I felt so happy, so relaxed! I'd finally done it! It was all done! I had the perfect revenge!"

"MONSTER! MONSTER! MONSTER!" He cried out, wiggling to be set free. He'd be blinded by the toothpaste right now, so I let him up and walked away, over to the fridge. I'd forgotten the butter, damn. I just decided to eat the bread on it's own. I grabbed the pack of bread and stuffed a slice in my mouth. He was still screaming that same word. "MONSTER! MONSTER! MONSTER!"

"I'm not a monster, you little brat! Shut up!" I stuffed another slice into my mouth. I was really, really hungry. I wondered when the police would be here to give me my caution. I mean, it WAS a big prank. I guess they'd come round and give me a warning. That happened to my friend at school. She played a huge prank, and the police had to give her a caution as there was so much damage to the classroom afterwards.

I heard the door break down at the front. That was weird, surely they'd knock first for just a warning, a caution? I wriggled past my cousin to the front door. "Alright, alright, calm down, just give me the warning, you don't need to break-"

The bread was snatched from my hands and I was knocked to the ground. Guns were pointing at my head, my hands were held tightly behind my back. What was going on? Surely they weren't going to-

"Chelsea Harwood, you've been arrested on suspicion of attempted murder on the count of 7 times. You do not have to say anything but..."

"MURDER???? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? IT WAS JUST A PRANK! YOU STUPID FOOLS! I WAS GETTING RID OF THE MONSTERS! "

She stopped, and bent down to me. "P.C. P. Lague" read her nametag. She couldn't seem to look me in the eye.

"All of the victims went blind. You nearly killed them. I don't know what kind of sick child you are, or where your parents are, but...." She whispered, up close, into my ear.

"You're a monster. And I hope you get locked up and they throw away the key."

M-Monster....?