Ned's Nitpicks: HORRORLOL

Horrorol
I name this page HORRORLOL because that's what it looks like this word is.

Stacy never thought she would ever experience true horror.

Then she read this story...

'''Maybe some scary or harmful moments, but not true horror. She was very, very wrong.'''

I bet she wasn't the only thing that was wrong...

'''Stacy was cooking breakfast one morning, eggs in toast for her boyfriend and an omelette for herself. She ate two bites of hers whole her boyfriend, Tony, practically ate his whole.'''

'''“Jesus Christ your’e such a fat…. A fat-”'''

“A fat?”

'''“… Yeah. You’re a fat.”'''

This is supposed to be some kind of abuse but it sounds like a joke in a cartoon where someone super fat tells a skinny person they are putting on weight.

“Well I eat what I want and you will get me all the food I want.”

“Well, I’ll do what I want to do”

“No, you’le do what I want you to do!

If Stacy had any brains she would leave this abusive relationship.

'''Stacy stormed out of the house crying. she looked back one last time to admire the foliage in front of her house.'''

She had time to stop, knowing full well that Evil McFattyface wasn't going to go after her.

'''It was purole flowers and vines and some pink tulips. She then continued to walk to the bar that was only a few blocks away. She was confused on why the tulips were pink, they were always yellow before.'''

She has a disease that causes her mind to wander when she should be focusing on how to get out of an abusive relationship.

'''As she spotted the bar, she saw a white van with the word ‘HORROROL’ spray painted in red skid into a spot in front of the bar, and a man wearing a mask ran up to it, took something small from someone in the van, and ran behind the bar, and the van peeled out. Stacy thought this was weird, but she didn’t think much of it and continued on to the bar.'''

She thought it was weird... but didn't think much of it? Ok...

She walked in, spotted a stool, and sat in it.

You don't sit ON stools you sit IN them. Also, she just left an abusive relationship shouldn't she be looking for somewhere to live or something useful instead of going to a fucking bar? Especially one she just saw something weird happen outside of?

'''She got a vodka. A few moments later, a stunningly good looking man walked into the bar. She admired his shiny, almost blueish black hair, and his sparkly blue eyes.'''

“May I buy you another drink” “Sure, I would love to!”

Poor way with words there. Ok...

'''They start talking, about past experiences and dreams and hopes and life goals. Stacy finishes her drink, and starts to feel the vodka. It’s nice.'''

I was going to make a joke about her bladder being full but then I saw "It's nice" so now I am just going to crack one about vodka apparently being a drink that massages you from the inside.

'''She becomes more talkative. More open. But then, she feels something else. something dark, and twisted.'''

She is in a bar, duh!

She starts to feel an odd buzzing, in her head.

Is she hearing them?

Like their’s bees in there or something.

Their's. Fucking "their's"

Then she starts to feel very woozy.

'''“Ded….. did you put somethang im mah druink?”'''

Ded you mean to spell "ded"?

The man smiles wide, and says one word.

“Horrorol.”

More like Horror LOL! Also, I like how he admits right in front of the bartender and other patrons that he drugged someone. Also it would have been nice to see him actually do it. And how did he do it without her knowing?

Stacy’s eyes widen as she realizes exactly what just happened, and is terrified of what is going to happen.

I wonder what the Hell any of this has to do with the beginning of the story.

'''Stacy began to lose a sense of reality, becoming completely detatched from the world. But it was awful, horrifying, filled only with the deepest and darkest of nightmares. Stacy saw clowns with tumors eating babies whole, mucus blobs filled with blood covered her face, she was chased by a skeletal old man wearing a young persons skin, screaming “YOOOUUU WILL BE MY NEW SKIN! MWAHBWAHMUAH!”'''

Is this really happening or is she just delusional?

'''After 78 hours of experiencing absolutely horrible scenerios, Stacy awoke in a snowy field, coming down off the Horrorol. She was far from home, and it was freezing. There was a lone building in the far distance, but she was much to tired and cold to move anymore. She just wanted to sleep…. She was found dead the next week.'''

She chose to die a freezing death instead of pumping it in gear and going to that building. Lazy twat waffle.

White Blood
'''I have a choice. Kill or not to kill.'''

We all know you're going to choose "kill".

'''It’s so hard because I loathe the satisfaction of the taste of it, the feel, and the way blood sprays across the wall. But it’s wrong to kill. Fuck it, I’m going to kill.'''

Well big "shock"!

'''Kill until I’m satisfied fully. So much blood. I LOVE IT!'''

Great way to start a story, trying to be scary by making yourself look like an asshole.

I think I’m going insane.

I can tell by looking at this story that you are insane! Also the next paragraph is just retard here blabbing about "MUH BOOTIFUL BLOODZ!" so I'm skipping it.

I’m not making any sense aren’t I?

Not only that but you're boring the Hell out of me. This story is halfway through and all it's been so far is "I FUCKIN LUV BLUUD!"

'''I’ll me give you a short sum up of what’s going on. I was walking downtown when It was raining and I witnessed a murder.'''

You can go to great lengths telling us about how blood makes you cream yet refuse to go into detail about something that is an actual plot point. Great!

'''I know how cliché but something happened. I walked up to the body'''

There were no police and the murderer apparently fled without noticing you.

'''and once I reached it I passed out instantly. I had a dream of me murdering someone, and loving it of course.'''

How these two things are connected is anyone's guess.

'''I was in a basement. With torture tools and a man strapped to a seat.'''

It wasn't a basement, it was a psych hospital you loon. That man strapped to his seat tried to sucker punch an orderly so they restrained him.

'''You could imagine by murdering you would think I was just gashing at him with a knife but no. oh no. I was torturing to my heart’s content! So much blood. It made me so happy. But 10 minutes in things started to change.'''

VIOLENCE MAEKS IT SCURY GUIZE!

'''As I was scalping him and licking his skull clean of the blood, the room changed…..the walls tore away like dead skin pealing from the body. And then the walls gave in, and flowing from the walls came a plain white liquid that tasted of blood.'''

Sometimes I wonder if being a Crappypasta author should give psychiatrists the legal right to break through your front door and carry you off to a nuthouse.

'''As I slowly crept down the stairs the breathing got louder to the point where I was getting to dizzy to stand, but I caught myself and got down the stairs. I looked around and saw nobody. “Where the hell did they go?” I mumbled to myself as I looked around. But then right in the corner of the room there was a pale white figure with blood flowing from its head down its own body.'''

I'm stopping this story here. It isn't even a story, it's a bunch of events that are not even connected in any way. Plus it's just "BLOOD BLOOD VIOLENCE BLOOD!"

The Regular Show Drug Theory
Surely, you’ve heard of the popular children’s series, “Regular Show”…

Yeah that show was sure sign of how down hill Cartoon Network got.

'''Well i’m here to expose the truth about it. The characters feature a blue-jay (Mordecai), A gumball machine (Benson), A racoon (Rigby), An Ape (Skips), A ghost (High-Five ghost), and a green man (Muscle Man). At first glance, it just seems like innocent children’s television just got weirder. But what i see is drug addiction.'''

Here it comes...

'''In the show, things happen at the park in which they work, that are impossible in reality. That’s because, it’s not reality.'''

You're right it's a cartoon.

'''In the pilot episode, “2 in the A.M. P.M.”, The characters, Mordecai, and Benson are shown as normal humans wroking as clerks in a convenience store. Mordecai offers Benson candy because, and I qoute: “You Gotta Gave Candy on Haloween”. Benson notes that the candy tastes odd, and soon discovers that Mordecai put acid in the candy, and they begin to hallucinate.'''

If it doesn't actually happen in the show nor hinted at, it didn't happen. I'm not going to take your word on just anything.

'''And, I noticed at one point, they hallucinate themselves as the forms they take in the cartoon series, a blue-jay, and a gumball machine. In my speculation, it seems that one hit of the acid, and they were both addicted, and now take it on a regular basis.'''

I don't take drugs but I'm sure that's not how they work.

So, in reality, they are just normal people seen by themselve as someone different.

We got another word for that, it's called being gay.

'''But, that’s not all. If it was just those two, working normally at a convinience store, where do the odd events, the park, and their friends fit in?'''

It's just a cartoon, bro.

My opinion is that the constant drug abuse caused them severe mental illnesses, such as Dissociative Identity Disorder(Multiple Personality Disorder), and Schizophrenia.

In better written theory pastas we are given what personality traits characters have that fit the description of their illnesses. In stories like these we just hear "Oh yeah and they have this mental illness".

'''The other workers at the “park” are merely figments of their imagination. Their Split Personalities, are in fact the other workers. They act as different people in order to avoid the feeling of lonliness, it just being the two of them, Mordecai, and Benson are attempting to act as multiple people at once. And as for the alleged “park”, and the odd events that occur there, this is due to paranoid Schziophrenia. The park, is just an abandoned house they both moved into together, after being evicted from their apartments for not paying the rent. They just see it as a nice area like the park, because their Schizophrenia causes them to hallucinate, which also explains what occurs at the park. Their whole world is just one big delusion, which they cannot wake up from, because they can’t handle the reality of their situation.'''

Yeah and you can't handle the reality of this just being a kiddy cartoon.

The walk
One cold winter night me and my cousin were walking through town we decided to go to the local gas station

Yeah so we made this random impulsive decision to go to a store at an ungodly hour.

it was about 1:00 at night

You're going to be damn lucky if you don't walk into a robbery! Also, I have to correct this. It would be 1:00 in the MORNING.

but this wasn't an average walk we felt like we were being followed "

Should've stayed home, Red.

common I really don't want to do this somthings not right" "who cares lets go" so we walked to the gas station but the walk seemed longer than usual. I look to my right and I see a tall figure

Is this going to be Slender Man or a rip off?

'''"Dude did you see that?!" "Yes what the hell was that?!"'''

Maybe it's because I just got done reading a drug theory, but are these bozos high?

'''So we walked faster but we still were being followed. So we make it to the gas station and of course it's locked.'''

Maybe you should have came earlier? Like during opperating hours.

'''"Now what?" "Let's go home I'm freaked out"'''

For fuck's sake, man! New paragraph when you change speakers!

so my cousin starts to run down the street and out of my sight and I am left to the silence and the comfort of my thoughts only all I could think about was fear.

Yeah, have fun with that!

But suddenly I hear a sharp scream like pain and fear so i run to the scream and I see this tall man in a suit white as the snow

Like inverted Mickey, but with Slender Man.

and he turns his head and looks at me and I see the blood drip from his face and i see my cousin torn in half.

White suited Slender Man is apparently made out of razor blades.

Tears to drop from my face

Wussy!

'''but I can't scream I'm frozen in fear. He begins to walk twoards me slowly as if he is proud of what he has done.'''

Your cousin?

He now stands in front of me he grabs me by the throat and the last thing I hear is my neck snap.

Yet somehow you wrote this story. Ok!